This is the second day in a row where I've woken up but have no reason to get up. I don't have any plans or a shift to get to. And I'm missing Paris immensely. There I could hang out with Andres doing nothing but still having fun. I could meet up with Jiwon, Gyuna and Marivan too. If i was in Paris I'd probably go dancing tonight.
But I'm not, I'm stuck here and I'm incredibly bored. And when I don't keep myself busy I do stupid things, and I feel low.
I turn into the worst version of myself and I feel like I'm suffocating in my own life. There is no reason for my life right now, I don't want to die but it sort of feels like I did.
I feel like I'm missing out on the best parts of my life, I've already wasted my teenage years with sadness. I don't want to continue this way.
I don't know, I'm just so lonely and I don't know what to do about it. I try asking friends to hang out but I know they're busy with their lives, you know with work, studies and boyfriends. They simply don't have the same need for attention and companionship as I because they're already getting it elsewhere.
So I just turn into this needy puppy with too much energy, in their eyes. And social media is only making things worse, my fomo is killing me. Everywhere you look there's squad goals, couples goals and whatnot. And I'm just sitting on my couch or sleeping my time away. It's like I've dug myself into a hole and now I can't get out. Even when I try to. Maybe I should try talking to somebody and take a class in something. Maybe do something creative. But I'm going to start with tidying my room.
Gosh I wonder just how many times I've written a post like this? Too many I feel, I have to try and fix this but I'm stuck on how.
I hope you guys are feeling better than I do! ❤️
Have a good one xx