Jag skulle vilja göra ett projekt med inspiration från en youtube-duo som har kanalen StyleLikeU. De har en serie med videos där folk kommer in, och pratar om sitt uttryck och sin story. Man skalar av alla skikt och blir väldigt sårbar, samtidigt som man tar av ett plagg för varje fråga jag ställer. Så att i slutet av intervjun är man avklädd både fysiskt och emotionellt. Jag skulle vilja göra en liknande grej som dom här tjejerna på youtube men med lite annorlunda frågor och andra personer. Många unga, och många mammor tänker jag mig. Jag får se hur det går, jag tror att jag skulle vilja att plattformen för intervjuerna inte var youtube, för att youtube har krångliga policy's angående bröstvårtor och musik. Jag tror att intervjuerna ska laddas upp via vimeo, och sedan göras tillgängliga på en privat blogg som bara de som deltagit kan se. Jag har funderat på namn till projektet och gillar "Big fish, Litte fish." Men vi får se.

Vi har skaffat hund! Hon heter Juno och är jättefin. Men hon är också främst pappas hund vilket befriar mig från en del ansvar. Däremot har jag bestämt mig för att köpa en katt också. Av min kompis Lou. Katten är svart och ska heta Penny Lane (Efter min favoritkaraktär of all time spelad av Kate Hudson i Almost famous, och även efter beatles sången, och efter tjejen i Bernard och Bianca, och den smala bruden som gör abort i Dirty Dancing) Men nu börjar jag tvivla på att det är rätt val. Katten blir ett stort ansvar, och jag börjar tro att jag kanske har överskattat hur stabil jag är själv. Mer ansvar är kanske inte vad jag ska ge mig själv just nu. Jag vill att om jag skaffar en katt så ska det vara för att jag vill vara med henne, inte för att jag behöver en distraktion från min egen melankoli.

Om jag hinner flytta ner till källaren innan nästa vecka så blir det perfekt, annars kommer jag ha det hur stressigt som helst med att flytta ner samtidigt som jag parallellt går en ledarutbildning och ska ta hand om en kattunge och hjälpa till med hunden.

Varför ger jag mig själv så mycket extra att oroa mig för? Är jag helt dum i huvudet? Jag vet inte hur man slutar oroa sig för saker, det är min största issue och den är svår. "A touch cookie" som Nick säger. Jag måste ju rycka upp mig förfan, steg för steg ska jag bli väck den här oron.



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In my theatre class we were asked to name what we believe is the most important thing about a piece. Many said direction or good actors, I said the script. Reason being, a good script is always mind-blowing (case in point: Pulp Fiction or basically anything by Tarantino) but a bad one ruins all other aspects of a piece (case in point: Suicide Squad.)

Then I kept thinking about the question I realized that the most magical films are the ones that surprise you with aspects that you didn’t know you wanted. The other day my friend asked me what my ideal man would be. And I, along with a long long list of requirements said that the most important thing is that he dosen’t need me to grow up, but he still needs me in his life- I make him want to do better and be better, and he does the same for me. ”My ideal would be for him to look to me as the dream he never realized he had.” I think movies have the power to deliver that quality. The power to make us feel as if we got caught of guard by a dream we didn’t realize we had. The most magical experience is when the feelings I’m introduced to as I watch a movie are ones I didn't realize I wanted, or even had. When the piece of art make me feel connected to a deeper part of myself. The star cross lover of that experience is of course: film music.

Creating theme music for a project must be extremely exhausting. Reason being because you are so connected to the art of imagination and that is such a vulnerable place to be in. That creative space is very draining, but also probably what made you fall in love with the art of expression in the first place. And to many, the creativity is an outlet for pain. Channeling the struggles of your life in a project, although it’s usually involuntary, is one of the bravest things one could do because it confronts the pain head-on.

When I listen to my favorite soundtrack of all time: The lion King, I can truly feel the pain of the writer, Hans Zimmer. His deep connection to the characters is so apparent that I can’t help but cry every time I see the movie or hear the soundtrack. The music catches me of guard every single time, and I’m continuously baffled by how sounds without direct words can communicate such expression and tell a whole story alone. The Lion King might not have reached the bones of everyone else the same way it did for me, because the connection is so personal. Nonetheless it allows me to emphasize the power of film music and how it exemplifies the secrets to a good film. The greatest projects are created ignorant to speed of process, fame and money. The best films, even though it sounds pretentious and naive, are great because of the love and respect for the art that infuses the result. Giving the space for love and time is always within reach if we just let ourselves go there.

I would like to think that movies and plays and concerts and photography/art-galleries and albums and street art and books and poems etc, aren’t just created for commercial reason. I would like to believe that they are created because complicated people found a way to channel their love and relieve their pain. Because this way the world of expression dosen’t exclude anyone. And It makes us connect with each other- isn’t that the whole point?



I'm in a great place in my life. I have everything and more than I could ever wish for. Everything is stable and I am surrounded by great people. I have security that can keep me calm at night. I have moments to rest and just breath for a moment.

At the same time, I feel lack of validation. I always need something more, not only from the world but from myself. I am telling myself that I am not enough, it's bananas. I need to quit and I know it, I'm trying to enjoy it all step by step.

Here's a treat:



​Jag är lite kluven. Jag vet inte om den här bloggen är något att upprätthålla. Inte bara för att jag har svårt att uppdatera med jämna mellanrum men jag känner mig också så självcentrerad som lägger ut texter om mina åsikter och min vardag. Åsikter som ingen riktigt frågat om eller behöver. Att andra ska läsa vad jag skriver har ju aldrig varit ett riktigt mål med den här bloggen (obviously) och jag har mest skrivit för min egen skull. Jag gillar att skriva och det är lite terapeutiskt att få formulera lite meningar då och då rakt upp och ner. Så jag ska nog fortsätta och så får jag hoppas att ingen läser, förutom om jag ska försöka ge lite råd.




Hello there, I'm sorry for not being active here but I've been trying to figure some stuff out. Here I am now, and if you're still here, I want to wish you a happy new year and share my opinion on new years resolutions.

A lot of people want to believe that New Years eve is an opportunity to change yourself. That, I consider horse-apples! (a nicer version of bullshit) Change is nothing you can decide, change much like oblivion, is unavoidable. We change all the time, but somehow we always remain the same in the end. So my point is, you should not set yourself up for a year of brutal change, cause you're setting yourself up for a huge letdown. It's actually more positive to set up new years resolutions that improves the shell you are already born with. Try thinking of yourself as a kanvas rather that could use some work, rather than an old diary filled with mistakes that you just wanna throw away. This way, you can feel at peace with having issues, and you're aware that there will always be things that you can improve about yourself. Wanting to change really drastically is a sign of self loathing, and not being happy with yourself- that is a mindset that needs to be improved. If you don't love yourself fully, firstly -Welcome to the club. Secondly, this is nothing that can be changed with a flatter stomach or acceptance from other people, this is about you needing to realize different things about yourself.

A GUIDE TO GETTING TO KNOW ONESELF BETTER, AND BE AT PEACE WITH YOUR OWN PERSON this is coming from a 15 year old teen who possibly knows nothing about anything but since I'm trying to appreciate myself I am gonna go ahead and try anyways

1. Spend some time alone, perhaps outside, or go to the movies. This is a way of feeling independent, although it can be boring at times but it is really important that you can be alone with your thoughts and taking time out of your life to be with just you. This way you feel less alone when you used to feel really abandoned.

2. Journal, keeping a journal at all times, not just a "diary" (don't get me wrong diaries are great!) but a scrappy journal that you can write down things in everyday life will perhaps make you feel more compatible to handle the new day. What you decide to write in the journal is up to you. Perhaps it will be filled with To Do-lists or quotes from every day conversation, or rage, or sarcasm. Keep the doors open. *Keeping a journal is something that I myself really have felt is a helpful way to list things and therefor keeping my brain elevated and busy. I like that.

3. Music, if music isn't your thing, that's fine but my personal preference is that music really helps me to be at peace. I like old music, for example, the Beatles just had their albums released on Spotify. These are my favorite songs from their new release - Let it be, Give peace a chance, Here comes the sun, Penny lane, Imagine, Blackbird, All you need is love.

4. Good people surrounding yourself with characters that make you feel nice about yourself is key. Although, not all good people make you feel good so just really listen to your gut. How you feel after being with them, how do you feel? If no nice people are to be found, look again or wait. But don't close your mind to quick, teens tend to throw a lot of shade before getting to know the person they're shading. I know. People will surprise you. Now that we live in a time were online identities and followers mean more than ever before it is hard to know what is real. But it is okay not to want to be a part of that whole world. Just think of it as this- If the earth's WiFi is shut down, what will you have left? Work on that instead of how your ruccola/avocado/vegan-dish looks on instagram.

5. Be open to influences Being inspired is a great thing, and finding people who inspire you is really nice. I would recommend influences of all kind. Example- http://www.rookiemag.com - a website for teens with such amazing spirit it's crazy. Another example of where you can find great influences is your family, perhaps your little sibling or your great aunt Bertha. Maybe somebody who's a well known personality like an artist or actor/youtuber or Oprah. But be careful and try to be inspired rather than jealous.

6. Save your goals and wishes Never forget where you're heading, write down what you want to work on. These are some of my new years resolutions:

-Work ambitiously


-Read more

-Put things in perspective, have self distance

7. Handle every day like a champ! It can be helpful to write some advice to keep your cool through the day. Every day can be a new struggle. I've saved advice for myself in a little jar, filled with things to think about if the day hits me too hard.

Happy New Year!