​Picture from this October.

I just want to bring up about finding balance in this lifestyle, because getting into this lifestyle many people don't realize how selfish it comes out to other people. Now I'm talking about people who competes in anything fitness related, or wants to in the future. Because, it is, a really selfish sport to be doing. It is a selfish and demanding lifestyle to be in. It demands all of your attention. Demands all of your attention, attention to detail, a twentyfourseven nonstop disciplin.

You have to be on top diet wise. You have to be on top training wise. You have to be consistent with your cardio etc. You have to give it all. It's a very selfish sport.
And with that, with all the work and effort you put in, comes reslusts. You come more obsessed with results. You constantly look in the mirror checking for results.

Now us, who compete, or want to compete, just see our bodies as this project we're working on and trying to better, all the time.
But understand, being on the outside looking in we basically look like these egos. They see us as self absorbed, strictly out of ego.
They don't see it the way we do, we look in the mirror and see a project, a
construction, that we're trying to better. They basically see us as ''this douche bag really admiring his biceps in the gym'', ''she's just taking a picture for instagram for attention so other can tell her how ripped she is''.

I'm just trying to say, it's a very selfish and obsessive sport that is very easy to get caught up in and forget about all the other stuff around you. It's so easy to get caught up in without even realizing. Not realizing how it's coming off to your partner, significant other, parents, friends.

I bet it's not easy if you're on a competition diet, and you have to say no to going out, having a dinner. And having a partner who respect and understands that is very hard to find if their not interested in this lifestyle too. They having to understand that you're gonna get annoyed easy, be cranky and not act like you under this period of time because you're focusing on being in best shape for this show.

Remember, it will get boring for the people around you hearing that you took that and this PR's and you're doing that in the gym right now, and blablabla. Don't get too caught up. I see myself all the time getting really caught up, but realizing it it's a good thing.

Now don't forget about the people around you, this lifestyle will leave you shredded, but you cannot bring those abs when you die. So take care of the people around you, appreciate the support you get. Family, friends, your parents, will take care of you when you're sick, always be there through you rough times. So, just making this post to remind you, there's life outside the gym. Take a look. ;)



​Unexpected cheat meals, or treat meals, as I like to call them. I think ''cheat meal'' is such a dumb word to use. For many reasons. You're just treating yourself outside of your normal diet. I think you should look at it as a treat, without having regrets eating it. I think you should be able to treat yourself without feeling bad. I think you should be able to treat yourself without being regretful.

Sometimes, you will face those moments when your classmates decides to go grab some ice cream on your long break in school. Sometimes, you will face those moments when it's someones birthday and they bring cupcakes to give everyone in class. Or when you have that really great teacher who decides you should watch a movie in class and he brings some treats for the whole class. 

​Sometimes, ​you will face that moment when your dad has brought home lots of delicious treats and your absolute favorite chocolate bar just to surprise you. Sometimes you will face that moment when your mom has cooked a meal for your whole family to enjoy this friday and spent hours in the kitchen. Sometimes your will face that moment when you go to your grandmas and she has baked so many cookies just because she knew you were coming.

Are you gonna say no?

I've done this. I will probably never forget how my friends looked at me thinking I'm a weirdo because I wanted to stay to my diet to get fit. I will never forget my dads disappointed face when he had bought all my favorite candies and I didn't want to eat them because, sticking to my diet was more important than enjoying that evening with him. I will never forget how my mom sighed when I said no, when she had spent hours in the kitchen that was wasted because the whole family wasn't even gonna enjoy that dinner together anyways.

Now, I understand,​ if you're on a diet for this really big competition you're gonna be in. I understand, if you're on a diet because you have this big ass photo shoot. Or if you're on a diet because you really need to lose weight for this surgery. Or if you're on a diet because you really need to lose weight because you're 
extremely overweight. But honestly, 90% of you reading this, are not gonna be in a competition soon, you don't have a photo shoot, you don't need to lose weight fast for a surgery.

Don't be afraid to enjoy yourself an extra time. Enjoy your life while you can. You have your whole life to get fit. You can enjoy times with your friends and family. One extra cheat meal here and there won't hurt you. I promise. Don't make the same mistakes I have done.  



!!!!! - I'm not making this post to get any kind of attention. I've been thinking about making a post like this probably a year now. I just never wanted people to follow me because they feel bad for me, or because of my journey out of an eating disorder, but because of what I'm doing today, because I love weightlifting. I just never wanted to get the kind of "I feel bad for her" attention, not sure if that makes sense but. Without my journey I wouldn't be the person I am today, so, here I am. SO FREAKING NERVOUS TO POST THIS.

I will never forget that day in second grade. The teacher had just walked out of the class room and everyone was talking out loud and I was trying so freaking hard to concentrate on all the numbers I was seeing in front of me. Always been bad at math.
Suddenly it all got quiet and I hear "who's the fattest girl in class?"
In less than a second I hear another guy say "Michelle". Right after hearing some other guys in class agreeing in the background.
I kept looking down in my book with tears in my eyes pretending I was still working. Pretending that I didn't hear it.
That's how it all started.

I still have memories of looking myself in the mirror not liking what I see. Grabbing the fat on my stomach. Bending forward counting how many fat rolls I had. I still have memories of looking myself in the mirror thinking I was fat.
And I was only 8 years old.

Who would of thought, an eight year old girl, looking herself in the mirror, and hating herself.

The year passed, I still didn't restrict anything with food, the thought hadn't even came to my mind yet to be honest.

I remember in 4th grade, 10 years old, I asked my mom to use her corset to look skinnier. Which I wore everyday to school. It was around this time I started to get cyber bullied. I remember getting messages on MSN saying how disgusting and fat I was. Comments on this site called "bilddagboken" (dailyviews?) making fun of what I looked like. And I was always the tough girl. I always argued back. But comments get to you, and I started getting so depressed.

In 6th grade I started exercising more hoping to lose weight. I had karate with a friend of mine, and I took one dance class a week. I started doing 100 sit ups before I went to sleep hoping I'd get skinnier.
I remember sucking in my stomach ALL THE TIME, to look skinnier. I'd always wear sweatshirts to hide my fat under. I never had tight shirts on.

7th grade, this is when it started. I met this girl who I became friends with. She never ate, she never ate breakfast, she never ate lunch in school, she just ate dinner. I remember thinking she was so pretty. God. I wanted to look just like her.
After a while I did the same. I first started skipping breakfast, and barely had lunch. I'd basically ignore my friends and hung out with this girl instead, because I felt like she understood. She wasn't hungry either? Right?

This didn't last too long though, because I'm the kind of person with no will power, trust me. If you give me a piece of chocolate, I'll eat the whole goddamn thing, tHIS TUMMY HAS NO STOP.
Anyways, instead of starving, I started binge eating instead, I was eating so much, all the time, and I literally couldn't careless. I gained a lot of weight. I looked at myself in the mirror, still feeling disgusting.

I remember in 8th I was sleeping at my friends house, and we weighted ourselves then to look at our BMI's online. And I remember it saying I was obese. My heart literally dropped to my stomach. Was I OVERWEIGHT?
This is when I stopped eating for real. This is were my ghosts started taking place. I also started cutting around this time(but that's a whole other story). I remember making a deal with my friend saying that'd we'd do it together, and if we ate, we would throw up. How sad is that? This is also were I'd slowly make my way to the gym once in a while.
I hated it at the time though. I didn't take it seriously, and god, I hated exercising. This is when I actually started losing weight. I went from 59kgs to 52kgs. Now, that's not a lot to you, but keep in mind that I'm only 153cm tall.
I remember eating so much with my family at the table, then right after taking a shower, so I could go throw up. The only time I ate was when it was something I really liked, like pizza and chocolate. I would eat way too much. WAY. too much. But all I wanted was to be skinny, I wanted to be like my other friends. They got boyfriends and guys actually liked them while I was just ''the ugly fat friend''. Or, that's what I felt like at least. And I was still looking at myself in the mirror, just like I did when I was 8 year old, and I hated it. I was still sucking in my stomach like I did in 4th grade. I had fallen into a bad circle of self-hate. 

Now this is part 1, I thought it'd be way too long if I wrote my whole journey till today in one post. So, please comment if you'd like me to write a part 2.



Some people start their day with lemon water, but I never seem to have any lemons at home and found out about apple cider vinegar, that's just as good! Besides that it doesn't contain vitamin C. 🍋

Here's some benefits of drinking apple cider vinegar:

- Promotes digestion

- Enhances immune system

- Adjusts blood sugar levels

- Lowers high blood pressure

- Cleanses your body(detoxifying)

- Helps weight loss (not sure if I believe in that kind of stuff though)

- Benefits your skin

- Boots energy

Also some other fun facts, it cures hiccups, helps with a stuffy nose and sore throat! As everyone, I get a really stuffy nose on winter time, and has really noticed a difference since starting to drink this every morning. Besides that I don't get as much craving for chocolate as I usually do, definitely worth giving it a shot! 🍎



Makes 2 pieces of bread🍞

2dl flour of choice(I used whole wheat flour, not sure if oat flour works, tell me if it does😂)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoons salt
1dl low fat milk
I added some seeds to it and vanilla powder to get some more flavor. 😁

That's it just mix it all together, 175C° in the oven for 25-30minutes.



4dl havregryn

1/2 solrosfrön

1/2 linfrön

1/2 chiafrön

1/2 ljust psylium

1dl honung

1/2 dl vatten

Massa kanel(minst 1msk iallafall)

Sätt ugnen på 175 °C
Sedan blandar du alla torra ingredienser i en skål förutom kanel. Blanda sedan ihop honung, vatten och kanelen i en separat skål innan du blandar ihop det tillsammans. Häll ut det jämt på ett bakplåtspapper på en plåt. Sedan in i ugnen 15-20min, ta ut plåten och rör om efter halva tiden(om du vill kan du hälla på lite mer honung, det gjorde jag, heheh) Låt svalna.

Jag brukar alltid utgå från det här receptet men lägger gärna till torkade äpplen, riven kokos, och du vill ha torkad frukt som russin och tranbär i blandar du i det när granolan har svalnat. Skulle rekommendera pumpafrön och nötter istället för chiafrön och psylimfrön som kan ge lite konstig konsistens.



Jag tänkte börja med den mest ''efterlängtade frågan'' som är hur min tävlingsdiet ser ut. Ni som inte vet, så prövade jag på min tävlingsdiet jag tänkte gå på innan min tävling i Juni. Jag tänkte tävla i bikini fitness på Alströmer, som är en nybörjartävling.
Min diet bestod utav 6 måltider. Ungefär: 45% Kolhydrater 35% Protein 20% Fett eller 40K/40P/20F.

En dag såg ungefär ut såhär(kommer inte skriva mängd då alla har olika energibehov):

Frukost: Havregrynsgröt(ibland knäckebröd), ägg(eller typ kasein) och bär

Mellanmål: Ägg/Kvarg & Nötter

Lunch: Magertkött, ris/potatis/bönor + grönsaker

Mellanmål: Den här måltiden varierade väldigt mycket, mellan frukt, proteinbar, kvarg, proteinshake, tog mest det jag kände för.

Middag: Magertkött, ris/potatis/bönor + grönsaker och 1/2 avokado

Kvällsmål: Kasein och havregrynsgröt

Innan och efter träning: Riskakor + BCAA

Brukar dock dricka BCAA under dagen ganska mycket bara för det är gott, hehe.

Har du en coach?
Nej. Funderade på att ha det från början, och träffade några coacher, och även mejlade för onlinecoaching. Men ingen verkade vara intresserad att coacha en nybörjare, hahah, och jag klickade inte med någon. Vilket jag tycker är viktigt när det kommer till att ha en coach. Jag har gjort mitt kostschema själv och tränar på egen hand. Har dock stöd mitt stora stöd från min pappa som lät mig styrketräning från början.

Gör du kostscheman åt andra?
Jag har ingen utbildning ännu(vill dock plugga till kostrådgivare/PT efter gymnasiet). Men jag har börjat gjort kostscheman(och än så länge är mina ''kunder'' nöjda, hahah). Har fått många förfrågningar om det. Om du skulle vilja ha det kan du gärna prata med mig så kan du få det för ett billigt pris.

Träningen såg inte annorlunda ut, körde inte mer kondition än vad jag brukar göra. Har vilodagar när jag tycker att det behövs. Jag har ingen planerad vilodag. Om jag har tillräckligt med energi så tränar jag, känner min kropp väldigt bra, och tar en vilodag när jag känner att jag behöver det.
Förutom det så prioriterar jag för det mesta ben, axlar och rygg just nu. Speciellt ben då jag ALLTID haft svårt för att bygga på mig ben muskler, alltid vart min svagaste muskelgrupp. Har ganska lätt för just armar och bröst.

Ska jag börja göra fler inlägg då jag svarar på frågor? Kanske om ätstörningar? Mer om träning? Bulk? Lite mer om mitt liv förutom träningen? KOMMENTERA VEJA.

Och en bild på morgonformen idag, hehe.



80g(2dl)rolled oats
Vanilla Protein Powder/Vanilla Powder/Vanilla Stevia Drops
1 Apple
Ev. milk

First I roasted half of the oats(if you want to you can roast all) with cinnamon, vanilla powder and cardamom. After that I poured in water(yummier with milk) and the rest of the oats and cut up apple pies, and more cinnamon(looove cinnamon😍), you can also add honey or any kind of sweetener if you want it sweeter. When I have the thickness of the oatmeal I want to I pour in a little more water and a scoop of vanilla protein powder and mix it all in.

I topped it with apple pieces, peanut butter, and usually I'd have vanilla quark too. 👌

TAADAAA. ❤ Thank me later. 💃