Hey guys! It's Sunday, I just got home from the second game of this weekend, still with a flu stubbornly latching on to me, and now also a swollen lip that makes my mouth look like a failed beauty project. I an kind of worn out and not really in the mood to cook dinner or even think about tomorrow's Italian lession. So instead I decided do take on one of those blog lists that are circling around Internet at the moment. They are surprisingly funny to do and also creates the oppurtunity to A. Talk about yourself and B. Think about things that might not cross your mind otherwise. It also turned out to be a perfectly good task for a dull Sunday evening.
I adress you to bunk up on some goodies, put on this song and place youself as comfortably as you can so that you don't even have to think about going to the bathroom, changing outfit or even filling up on your bowl of sweets. The list is a combination of questions from different lists that I've encountered recently, along with some personal suggestions. Let's get ready to know a little more about me, shall we?
What have you been doing this week?
Besides my usual schedule (jumping between practices, both as trainer and player, Italian studies, afternoon babysitting) I have also finished off a video asignment for university (sneak peek above), joined the spectacular Facebook group Skrivgäris (for swedish non-male writers - ansök om inträde nu!), had my first plates of homemade gnocchi and finished reading Invisible by Paul Auster.
What's stressing you out?
Since we arrived in Switzerland we've had some trouble with arranging our player-contracts with the club, having difficulties understanding and agreeing with each other, most of all having to wait for things to happen. We still haven't come further in the process of finding permanent job solutions or long-term working permits, which has planted some frustration and worry in me lately. I hate to stress about money and walking around in a state of not-knowing, so right now I've decided to let things happen when they happen and in the meantime make the most of my spare-time by re-focusing on my personal writing.
What's easy at the moment?
Finding inspiration and motivation. This past week I have been feeling so empowered and eager to get things going. I love to see other creatives take place and share their works publicly. Also when it comes to floorball, I have settled down in a state where I am more conscious about what I do and how I can constantly improve out on the field. It pushes me to spend even more time on developing my own skills.
What stuff do you read/do on the internet?
I have a long list of blogs that I check in on with different frequency depending on my current state of mind. Besides that, I have turned into a Youtube-freak during the last couple of weeks, browsing through videos about digital illustration, food prepping, minimalistic interior and autumn look-books. Before moving I also used to visit online magazines like Minimalissimo, Freunde von Freunden and look for poetry magazines on Issuu.
I have a thing for biographies (Paul Auster and Patti Smith most recently) and almost every novel discussing life, personal growth and art. I read novels so seldom now which is such a shame but some of my most recent ones consisted of authors like Amanda Svensson, Lena Andersson, Marguerit Duras and Nobel Prize-winning Patrick Modiano.
What are your plans for next week?
After today's game we have a break in the series for yet another three weeks, which means two weekends off duty. Parts of Arvid's family will be coming down this Saturday so hopefully we'll be able to arrange some sightseeing and funny up-does for their stay. Personally I'll hope to get well enough so that I'm able to regain my sleeping schedule and get back on my morning routine again, this time extended by regular writing sessions as part of my new investment in freelancing.
What are you scared of?
Mostly my own feelings, how they are shifting inside of me, confusing me and making me disstrust myself. The unpredictable effects of using birth control and thereby putting hormones in my body. Of giving up my dreams in favor of exterior expectations or self-doubt. To lose contact with my closest friends and the though that my cat might die while I'm away.
Mention something that you are incredibly bad at.
Expressing anger. I have such a hard time raising my voice or confronting people/things that really draines my guts, that I usually turn the anger into frustration instead. Through this way I am able to suffocate the anger for a while, for good and bad, and treat it more rationally by thinking my way out of it. Although I so often wish I'd just let the faucet go wild instead of compromising my own feelings.
Three things that you can brag about.
Oh gosh. What turns out to be impressive to someone is such a subjective matter that bragging seems like an impossible task to suceed with. Last summer I learned how to rabble the names and eras of one houndred painters and sculptors, where maybe twenty or so are still floating around in my head by now. Three things that I'm proud of though is my ambition and personal drive, how I challenged myself with loneliness by taking on Europe all on my own this summer and the fact that I changed all my formerly rigid plans for this autumn in favor for an unknown adventure abroad.
What are you longing for right now?
I hate to say this when I always complain about not having energy as soon as the sun disappears, but I miss the early days of Swedish autumn, when you have just started getting back into routines and regained some structure in life, trees are shifting colours and you drop in on random cafés for a cappuccino and spontaneous writing. After postponing my plans for university studies for yet another year I am so excited for all the things that are to come for next year: decorating a personal space, deep-diving into interesting subjects amongst likeminded people with similar interests, discovering a new city, attending events on weekdays and spend all my money on magazines, interior decoration and cozy sweaters. Looking closer in time, I am yearning for seeing my friends and family again by Christmas. And putting ink to my body.
What are you appreciating right now?
Having the time to focus on my personal interests. My amplified liking of floorball. The never-ending support from everyone around me. Waking up everyday with the arms of my most loved person around me.
What era would you like to live in?
I got this question from Arvid the other day and when I answered him "in the future", he just looked at me with the most dissapointed and frustrated look due to my boring answer. He then managed to convince me to change my mind. I have a very optimistic view on the time ahead of us since I have hopes that the human conditions can only improve further from this point. Besides, almost all of my interests and likings are connected to new ways of expression, which naturally feeds my curiosity about what the future will look like a houndred years from now.
Looking back in time however, I figured a life for me as a woman wouldn't have been much of a life to me if I had to strip off the female rights and possibilities of today. If I had to choose however I would probably like to be part of the female rights movement during the late 19th century/early 20ths, during the 1930s in the middle of the expansion of the movie industry or live somewhere in central Europe during the Romantic movement.
Arvid 2014, Copenhagen
Do you have any bad habits?
I chew on ice. I scrape my fingernails when I'm nervous/distracted and I have a bad tendency to tell unneccessary lies to people I don't know (like when I told my hairdresser that I was going to Malmö to study when I had already booked the tickets to Milan, and instead of correcting the error when I caught myself forgetting about my real plans, I just kept going with the Malmö-story, telling her details about my non-existent dorm room).
What recent changes have you discovered in yourself lately?
That keeping a journal has a calming effect on my muddled brain. Nowadays I am constantly challenging myself, trying to be as unapologetic as I can be about my opinions, interests and goals. I also realized that my tummy does not appreciate my decision to drasticly change my diet from strictly non-veggie to cutting down hard on animal products in favor for regular dining of beans, legumes and coffee.