​Hey guys! It's Sunday, I just got home from the second game of this weekend, still with a flu stubbornly latching on to me, and now also a swollen lip that makes my mouth look like a failed beauty project. I an kind of worn out and not really in the mood to cook dinner or even think about tomorrow's Italian lession. So instead I decided do take on one of those blog lists that are circling around Internet at the moment. They are surprisingly funny to do and also creates the oppurtunity to A. Talk about yourself and B. Think about things that might not cross your mind otherwise. ​It also turned out to be a perfectly good task for a dull Sunday evening. 

I adress you to bunk up on some goodies, put on this song and place youself as comfortably as you can so that you don't even have to think about going to the bathroom, changing outfit or even filling up on your bowl of sweets. The list is a combination of questions from different lists that I've encountered recently, along with some personal suggestions. Let's get ready to know a little more about me, shall we?

What have you been doing this week?

Besides my usual schedule (jumping between practices, both as trainer and player, Italian studies, afternoon babysitting) I have also finished off a video asignment for university (sneak peek above), joined the spectacular Facebook group Skrivgäris (for swedish non-male writers - ansök om inträde nu!), had my first plates of homemade gnocchi and finished reading Invisible by Paul Auster.

What's stressing you out?

Since we arrived in Switzerland we've had some trouble with arranging our player-contracts with the club, having difficulties understanding and agreeing with each other, most of all having to wait for things to happen. We still haven't come further in the process of finding permanent job solutions or long-term working permits, which has planted some frustration and worry in me lately. I hate to stress about money and walking around in a state of not-knowing, so right now I've decided to let things happen when they happen and in the meantime make the most of my spare-time by re-focusing on my personal writing.

What's easy at the moment?

Finding inspiration and motivation. This past week I have been feeling so empowered and eager to get things going. I love to see other creatives take place and share their works publicly. Also when it comes to floorball, I have settled down in a state where I am more conscious about what I do and how I can constantly improve out on the field. It pushes me to spend even more time on developing my own skills.

What stuff do you read/do on the internet?

I have a long list of blogs that I check in on with different frequency depending on my current state of mind. Besides that, I have turned into a Youtube-freak during the last couple of weeks, browsing through videos about digital illustration, food prepping, minimalistic interior and autumn look-books. Before moving I also used to visit online magazines like Minimalissimo, Freunde von Freunden and look for poetry magazines on Issuu.

Favourite books?

I have a thing for biographies (Paul Auster and Patti Smith most recently) and almost every novel discussing life, personal growth and art. I read novels so seldom now which is such a shame but some of my most recent ones consisted of authors like Amanda Svensson, Lena Andersson, Marguerit Duras and Nobel Prize-winning Patrick Modiano.

What are your plans for next week?

After today's game we have a break in the series for yet another three weeks, which means two weekends off duty. Parts of Arvid's family will be coming down this Saturday so hopefully we'll be able to arrange some sightseeing and funny up-does for their stay. Personally I'll hope to get well enough so that I'm able to regain my sleeping schedule and get back on my morning routine again, this time extended by regular writing sessions as part of my new investment in freelancing.

What are you scared of?

Mostly my own feelings, how they are shifting inside of me, confusing me and making me disstrust myself. The unpredictable effects of using birth control and thereby putting hormones in my body. Of giving up my dreams in favor of exterior expectations or self-doubt. To lose contact with my closest friends and the though that my cat might die while I'm away.

Mention something that you are incredibly bad at.

Expressing anger. I have such a hard time raising my voice or confronting people/things that really draines my guts, that I usually turn the anger into frustration instead. Through this way I am able to suffocate the anger for a while, for good and bad, and treat it more rationally by thinking my way out of it. Although I so often wish I'd just let the faucet go wild instead of compromising my own feelings.

Three things that you can brag about.

Oh gosh. What turns out to be impressive to someone is such a subjective matter that bragging seems like an impossible task to suceed with. Last summer I learned how to rabble the names and eras of one houndred painters and sculptors, where maybe twenty or so are still floating around in my head by now. Three things that I'm proud of though is my ambition and personal drive, how I challenged myself with loneliness by taking on Europe all on my own this summer and the fact that I changed all my formerly rigid plans for this autumn in favor for an unknown adventure abroad.

What are you longing for right now?

I hate to say this when I always complain about not having energy as soon as the sun disappears, but I miss the early days of Swedish autumn, when you have just started getting back into routines and regained some structure in life, trees are shifting colours and you drop in on random cafés for a cappuccino and spontaneous writing. After postponing my plans for university studies for yet another year I am so excited for all the things that are to come for next year: decorating a personal space, deep-diving into interesting subjects amongst likeminded people with similar interests, discovering a new city, attending events on weekdays and spend all my money on magazines, interior decoration and cozy sweaters. Looking closer in time, I am yearning for seeing my friends and family again by Christmas. And putting ink to my body.

What are you appreciating right now?

Having the time to focus on my personal interests. My amplified liking of floorball. The never-ending support from everyone around me. Waking up everyday with the arms of my most loved person around me.

What era would you like to live in?

I got this question from Arvid the other day and when I answered him "in the future", he just looked at me with the most dissapointed and frustrated look due to my boring answer. He then managed to convince me to change my mind. I have a very optimistic view on the time ahead of us since I have hopes that the human conditions can only improve further from this point. Besides, almost all of my interests and likings are connected to new ways of expression, which naturally feeds my curiosity about what the future will look like a houndred years from now.

Looking back in time however, I figured a life for me as a woman wouldn't have been much of a life to me if I had to strip off the female rights and possibilities of today. If I had to choose however I would probably like to be part of the female rights movement during the late 19th century/early 20ths, during the 1930s in the middle of the expansion of the movie industry or live somewhere in central Europe during the Romantic movement.

Arvid 2014, Copenhagen


Do you have any bad habits?

I chew on ice. I scrape my fingernails when I'm nervous/distracted and I have a bad tendency to tell unneccessary lies to people I don't know (like when I told my hairdresser that I was going to Malmö to study when I had already booked the tickets to Milan, and instead of correcting the error when I caught myself forgetting about my real plans, I just kept going with the Malmö-story, telling her details about my non-existent dorm room).

What recent changes have you discovered in yourself lately?

That keeping a journal has a calming effect on my muddled brain. Nowadays I am constantly challenging myself, trying to be as unapologetic as I can be about my opinions, interests and goals. I also realized that my tummy does not appreciate my decision to drasticly change my diet from strictly non-veggie to cutting down hard on animal products in favor for regular dining of beans, legumes and coffee.

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This sunday some of the summer heat return to our little valley. We had kind of set our minds into autumn mode after noticing the planting of snow on the mountain tops, but this weekend the weather stepped it up, just in time for the yearly chestnut festival. We took a long sleep-in after a late dinner out after Saturday's game before heading up the towards the smaller mountain villages for a day in the sun.

The festival is hosted every year during the harvesting season, each time shifting village within th Valle Di Muggia region. This year it was time for our neighbouring village Vacallo to arrange the event, and so a bunch of the inhabitants from the area volunteered with setting up tents, selling both hot and chilled beverages and supplying with all help needed for such occasion.

In addition to all kinds of chestnut treats (tartes, bread, yoghurt - even beer) there were also a load of other local producers, selling everything from homemade cheese and honey, to knits and tobacco pipes. The brand Terra Matta has become somewhat of a favourite amongst our crew, for myself mainly due to their clean aestethics, although the beer and gin itself isn't all too bad either. Arvid got himself a good-looking supportive t-shirt which will very much be appreciated amongst the hipstercrowd when we arrive back in Sweden.

I had early set my eyes on the crepés, so when the time closed in for lunch we joined up the infinite queue for some goodies. Michaela is in the middle of an intensive course in Italian and has become skilled to the point that she managed to make the chef burn our food during their wild discussion. Sure to say that I am not quite there yet.

I wasn't all too fond about the chestnuts, but Michaela decided to take the oppurtunity to buy the specialityof the day - roasted chestnuts - which you could get in one of these practical duo-bags, with one pocket for the chestnuts and one for the hardened surface that you had to peel off so that you don't have to mix the trash with the food. Geniously simple invention indeed.

Arvid bought himself a chestnut beer which he ranked to be a 3 / 5, and a 3fr. tote-bag which he handsomely advertised. Content with the extended summer and with satisfied tummies we then headed off back home. By the end of october there will be a similar arrangement for celebrating the pumpkin season. Hopefully parts of Arvids family will be here then to join in with us.




As an athlete you are constantly exposed to the possibility of failure. During a game you have to constantly make decisions, and when the margins are narrow, mistakes naturally happen. Not all of them backfire into a goal or a lost game, but having to deal even with smaller defeats and then recharge mentally inbetween your shifts is a great part of the sport. Intentions and results does not always correlate, especially when you have opponents facing you with every will to counteract your plans. Being a sportsman includes having to face the fact that setbacks are inevitable.

This past weekend we had our first losses in the series, one in the very last minute of overtime. Coming from four straight victories and then hitting this wall could have had devastating consequences. Considering the fact that the team comes nearly undefeated straight from the prima liga where things seem to have run by rather smoothly, you can never really anticipate the following reaction after a defeat. How do you get through a problem that you have never encountered before, in which you have no previous knowledge?

I refer to sports because that's the environment that I come from, but this kind of obstacle can be found in every aspect of life. What a setback really means is a disruption in the process that you had planned for yourself. When beginning a project or even when planning out our life, we idealize a fantasy about how the future will turn out. The thing is that we humans are bad at predicting the future and so our initial idea usually turns out to be wrong. Our surroundings behave against our will, our discipline is sagging, or maybe this new way of life that the change was aiming for isn't as pleasant as we'd hoped.

. . .

What a setback does is challenging the motivation that was based on the same idea that you had initially planned out in your head. The fantasy which we tried to make into reality didn't turn out as expected. This disillusionment is what's really disencouraging. When we start to think that our life isn't as we had hoped it would be, we label ourselves as failed goods. We start doubting not only our abilities, but our intentions and values as well. Am I strong enough to do it? Why am I doing this? Am I worthy of the eventual positive outcome? Is it worth doing at all?

Having to face the fact that life didn't turn out as you had hoped it would, also fuels the feeling of helplessness and lack of control over the situation. The thought that no matter what you do, you will never have the power to accomplish anything great enough to effect change in you own life, even less the world we live in. So you turn invards, wrap yourself up in this downward spiral of self-doubt and questioning of life. Ending up feeling bad over the fact that you are feeling bad.

I believe these symptoms, at least some of them, are recurrent no matter the size of the setback. Although they may have more or less impact depending on what has happened, this is a way of thinking that is connected to any type of failure, or sometimes even the single thought of falling flat. The main thing to focus on in order to find a way out is, in my opinion, the mindset.


In order to get out of this dark place of discomfort, one must embrace the reality that actually happened beyond the initial fantasies. Is the reality actually bad or just different/bad in comparision to the fantasy? If I am to refer to my own case: Yes, we lost two games this weekend looking at the scoreboard, but I believe this is the best we've ever played this season. Can we do even better - yes! But we also have to stop for a second and look at the facts: that our team comes from a lower league and are now facing the top teams of NLB, which we so far have been able to challenge and disturb both physically and technically.

You are allowed to be proud of what you have achieved and at the same time have the will to improve. So I urge you to take a step back and try to find a new perspective on the situation. Life includes occasional unhappiness, how cliché and drewy that may sound. Sometimes the unexpectancy of life contributes with a situation that isn't neccesarily all that bad. At the very least, there are things to learn from every defeat. Sometimes that lession is simply how to get through that particular setback.


Finding perspective also helps you look at yourself differently. Those traits that you would rather not think about, are maybe a result of your better traits. As a concrete example: You are late to a birthday party of one of your close friends because you were working on crafting a personalized, handdrawn card for the birthday gal. This may imply that you are passionate, caring and aware of the value that creativity brings you, and perhaps that interferes with your will to be disciplined or scheduled. We are only human and no person could possibly posses all of the desireable traits at once. We have our successes and failures, we struggle and learn. By embracing all parts of yourself you make it easier to also distance who you are from what you do when needed. Being declined to art school doesn't mean that you are not a cerative soul at heart, it simply let's you take on another route that may as well lead to the same destination, or perhaps something even better, something unexpected.


Setbacks are often short-lived. They may be recurrent during a longer period of time, but each session seems to last for no longer than an hour or a day or a week, going up and down as most emotions during a day. The common denominator is that they all eventually pass. It is so easy to get caught up in a situation and think that the pain or discomfort will last for a lifetime. What I tend to do is try to look at my own progress, to peek back at some of the things that seemed doomed a year ago, that I now have pierced through. Somewhere during the time passed, these problems evaporated, just as this osbtacle too, will pass.


This whole bad-about-feeling-bad thing is probably more common than you think, but it is also unneccessary. By allowing yourself to feel bad, and realizing that that happens to everyone, you give yourself not only permission, but also space to, frankly, be human. By acknowledging your feelings instead of discouraging them you enable yourself to express your emotions so that they don't suffocate inside you and start to build up that familiar pressure inside your chest. Let it happen, then let it go.


So when the feelings of doubt and failure are slowly starting to pass, it's time to reset and move forward. If the setback has left you derailed and demotivated, you might need to find that initial motivation again. Pehaps it's even time to find another approach if the source of motivation itself turned out to be the thing throwing you off the road. Changing you diet or workout routine in order to fulfill some exterior ideal or in order to please others rather than for health benefits or personal interests, is one common theme

Once again, refering to my own situation: this weekend we will face the leaders of the series - a top scorer team, also new in the league but in contrary to us coming straight from NLA. Knowing the dedication that we obtain within our team, I have no doubt that these former defeats has had nothing but a positive impact on our fighting spirit. We are eager to win because we know that we are able to do even more than we have previously shown, not because we feel the need to redeem ourselves from the past weekend.

This was a very thorough guide, perhaps more fit for grander setbacks in life. However, as time goes, you'll learn how to apply this to an everyday basis, making it more of an natural mentality than a full introspective therapy session. I am appreciative of what sports has taught me, especially the undeniable notion that failure is part of growth and experience. To look at the big picture. I am now able to brush of mistakes and smaller failures, to reset and remotivate myself within seconds out on the field. As for the even greater setbacks in life, I at least now know where to start.




"I feel like the album wrote itself. When I felt afraid or when I felt like this record would be so different from my last, I would see or hear another story of a young Black person in America having their life taken away from them, having their freedom taken away. That would fuel me to go back and revisit and sometimes rewrite some of these songs to go a little further and not be afraid to have the conversation. [...] Growing up with mom and dad nurtured me to speak out and be outraged with inequality for not just Black people, but inequality surrounding all types of issues."

Creative mastermind Solange Knowles has released a new album.

I'll be honest and clarify that I have never listened to Solange before this release. My knowledge about her barely contained a vague idea of her sense of style expressed through Instagram. Still I found myself filled with anticipation for this particular release. I quickly fell in love with her aestethics and could easily grasp her sense of integrity and personality in everything she does, whereon I immediately decided to cover the issue as soon as the release was a fact. I figured it would be an interesting task to curiously await music without former knowledge or anticipations of the producer behind the album. I am by character not someone who falls for particular artists, I tend to stick to a broad range of genres and creators in order to keep my mind on the toes. However, the more I dug myself into the process behind the production of A Seat At The Table, the more I became captivated, the more I caught on to Solange's words.

"I would hope that people would hear this record and recognize my truth and respect my truth, even if it isn’t exactly their truth, in order to allow me to have the space to expand in my evolution."

The album has been an ongoing project for four years of time, including periods of experimenting, heading back to the places of family lineage, moving jamming sessions between cities, diving deep into creative interpretation - all until the very last amplifying and fine-tuning enabled by the help of Raphael Saadiq. During this time Solange has brought not only her own history, but also the experiences and struggles of many black women, into a conversation to which we are invited to participate. Being the songwriter and producer behind every anthem, creative director and curator for the outstanding visuals used in music videos, the creative mastermind behind the perfect interlacement of every song blending seamlessly into the next, accompanied by personal and binding interludes - not to mention the digital book found on her website containing a graphic representation of the album along with typographicly visualized lyrics - she makes it hard for me to to find either an ending or beginning to my appreciation towards her artistry.

"If you don't understand my record, you don't understand me, so this is not for you."

Interlude: For Us By US

I truly appreciate her attention to details, how she incorporates her family in the interludes and even the costume design. James Flemons, creator behind PHLEMUNS, shares his thoughts on his contribution to the designwear in the visuals for Don't touch my hair in an article with Paper Magazine, a collection of clothing that shares some of the spotlight together with Acne Studios, while Observer digs into Solange's own role in creating pieces for Cranes in the sky. The purple yarn dress presented in the visuals are a creation of the singer herself, a production that also features collborations between mother Tina Knowles and designer Tim White, the minds behind the gold fringe dress as well as the blue recreation of Issey Miyakes pleated couture creation from 1999, shown in the pictures above.

She's such a multifaceted woman; a singer, songwriter, writer, art director, creative director, CEO, producer and spokesperson, always clear and unapologetic in her political and creative statements. What inspires me the most is the way she has constructed and produced this work,they way she has taken, all the way from the creative process to mapping out her own aestethics and actualizing a sonic vision. This album is more than just melodic satisfaction, it's a representation for the black community, expression of surpressed frustration and an invite to have a discussion about racsim and culture.

"I think that A Seat at the Table for me is an invitation to allow folks to pull up a chair, get very close and have these hard uncomfortable truths be shared."

I realize that this album was not made for me, that the seats at the table are reserved for those who previously have been, and still are, excluded from the community. But I am still invited to listen, to discuss in order to understand. I was suprised by my own positive respons in regards of the sole sonic experience since I've previously never been drawn to this type of melodic R&B. Although I wouldn't jam up to every track, I find beauty and importance in the composition and the statements made, I appreciate every original thought and decision that nurtured this intense form of creativity to take form. After all, I would more than likely pick Cranes in the sky as my get over, start over anthem. I would let the music flow from my turntable, watch as it fills the apartment with both grief and hope, inhale every word and feel how they slowly put together all the broken parts inside of me.

I am more convinced than ever that creative expression, the ambition and ability to stick to personal visions and beliefs, are invaluable traits. No, this album was not made for me, but I still resonate with it on both a personal and social level. It is an album which is intensely personal, a project on empowerment, independence and healing. Through this discovery I've gained insight from people who are able to express the importance of this production much better than I will ever be able to, people who I adress you to listen to. You'll find them in the links below.



In this documentary, Solange invites us to have a look on the initial stages of her songwriting process filled with collaborations, experimentation and jamming in the search for the sounds and ideas that would build the foundation for ASATT.


Youtuber JustLatasha contributes with a full album review where she unfolds the songs one by one, taking on an intersectional perspective straight from the target audience.


A deeper insight on the production of A seat at the table, the relationship with the family, political statements, personal experiences wth discrimination as well as context and concepts behind a number of the songs featured on the album. All qoutes in this post are snips from this interview, written by Judnick Mayards for Saint Heron.

All images and visuals are from Cranes in the sky and Solange Knowles Digital Book



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