You know i have a sister.
I have several of them actually.
They all hold an equally special place in my heart. Just looking at them being happy fills me with overwhelming joy.
But those times when they cry it just breaks my heart to see them feeling so low.
Each and every one of them have held me in their arms when I felt like my world was falling apart, we've shed tears together, shared each other's anger and felt each other's pain.

We all are pieces of one and the same puzzle. We complete each other and without the other we don't feel the same.
To some it may seem ridiculous, but to us it's always been this unbreakable bond that we have.
We may fight each other, hate on each other. But in the end it's all just love.
We all live for each other.
You are the reason I live for.
You are my pillars of strength.
You are the hands on my back that keeps pushing me forward.

Malin you taught me that all fears can be overcome. Even the one of losing someone.

Llawén you taught me that it's okey to cry, that it's okey to fall but to always get back up again. No matter the pain.

Nicole and Paulina you taught me that the love of a child is a love that's shared with everyone of the family.

Elin you taught me that it's okey to fight for what you want and need. You showed me that courage even if it's small. Can have the power of a lion.

Juan Pablo my dearest brother, you showed me that it was okey to be different. To not really be like anyone else.

My dear mother, you showed me and taught me that love is the strongest force of all.

My dear father, you taught me that it's okey to make mistakes, because we are only human.

Julia, my bestfriend and sister. You taught me the wonders of magick and that it's okey to rely on others in times of need.

Mika my extended family, you told me of the wonders in the world and that family doesn't end with blood.

Nyx and Umbra, you are the two most irreplaceable souls in the entire world. Without you two I ain't complete.

Ahmed you idjit, your truth may have been harsh at times. But it was only because of the reality it spoke, that I sometimes refused to see.

I have so many people in my life that are irreplaceable and that I love with all of my heart.

...A Raison D'être...

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So it's decided, December 6th I'm getting my new tattoo.
I've been wanting to get this tattoo for about two months. Not that much of a time has passed since I decided onthis, but, the tattoo that I'm getting has a special kind of meaning to me.
It represents the inner struggle that both me and most of my siblings have gone through.
We were faced with a choice, to either let the pain bring us to our knees or to get back up and fight.
To fight for our reason to live.
To never give up whenever everything feels like it's going to break you.
We were faced with a choice, to either let the pain bring us to our knees or to get back up and fight.
To fight for our reason to live.
To never give up whenever everything feels like it's going to break you.
That there is always a reason to live, a reason to exist.
Never let the battle with your demons be the end of you.

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A smile so bitterly sweet.
Playfully tugging at your heart.
So close yet at the same time so far away.
Like looking at your reflection in a mirror.
Cold to the touch, yet those eyes have an unstoppable fire.
Words spoken and words left forever unsaid.
One step forward and two steps back:
Two souls too wild and too strong to tame.
Where does it start? Where does it end?
Is it a rise or is it a fall.
Probably neither., and she could lose it all just to show the world she was right.
Is it still a dream or has it all become a fantasy.
All those thoughts beckoning the storm to come.
The spark is lit and with just one touch her fire went from a small flame to a forest fire.
Too fierce to control.
If they do not use caution they'll get burned as well.
She grew up to be a gentle and caring child.
For all she knew was to hide the flame inside.
All that she wanted was to wreak havoc on the world.

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For a time now it all stood still.
So quiet, that even the tiniest of noise would echo.
My mind that used to be so full of thoughts has gone quiet.
Tryna to get a hold on all that i buried.
Im searching.
I don't know anymore.
I got you on my mind.
Yet at the same time i don't.
Oh it's nothing personal.
Im just holding on to something that keeps me sane.
You ain't the one.
Im waking up.
Too many things im tryna deal with.
"I am strong because I know my weaknesses"
"I am beautiful because I am aware of my flaws."
"I am fearless because I have learnt to recognize, illusion from reality."
"I am wise, because I learn from my mistakes."
"I am a lover because i have felt hate, and grown past it."
"I can laugh because i have known sadness."

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Breathe out, breathe in
American oxygen
Every breath I breathe
Chasin' this American Dream
We sweat for a nickel and a dime
Turn it into an empire
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen
American oxygen
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen


Oh say can you see, this is the American Dream
Young girl, hustlin'
On the other side of the ocean
You can be anything at all
In America, America
I say, can't see
Just close your eyes and breathe

Breathe out, breathe in
American oxygen
Every breath I breathe
Chasin' this American Dream
We sweat for a nickel and a dime
Turn it into an empire
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen
American oxygen
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen
American oxygen
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen

Oh say can you see, this is the American Dream
Young boy, hustlin'
Tryna get the wheels in motion
But he can be anything at all
In America, America
I say, can't see
Just close your eyes and breathe

Breathe out, breathe in
American oxygen
Every breath I breathe
Chasin' this American Dream
We sweat for a nickel and a dime
Turn it into an empire
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen

This is the new America
We are the new America

Breathe out, breathe in
American oxygen
Every breath I breathe
Chasin' this American Dream
We sweat for a nickel and a dime
Turn it into an empire
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen
American oxygen
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen
American oxygen
Breathe in, this feeling
American, American oxygen

This is the new America
We are the new America

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Hate Me - Eurielle

He says save me, save me
She says maybe, maybe…
She starts to turn away when he says…

Hate me
Break me
Let me feel as hurt as you
Push me
Crush me
But promise me you’ll never let us go

Hate me
Break me
Then save me, save me
Push me
Crush me
Then save me, save me

She stops walking, walking
He stops falling, falling
He looks her in the eyes and he says…

Hate me…

Hate me…
He says save me, save me
She says maybe, maybe…

He says… Hate me…
Fade Out
Never let us go

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Typing and typing.
Delete..
Type again, repeat and once more repeat and delete.
Once or twice i can't.
Im trying but i keep falling down.
I keep crying but nothing comes out.
I wanted to play tough, thought i could do all this on my own.
Your love lifts me up like helium.
Your love lifts m
e up when im down.
When i've hit the ground you are all i need.
Im stronger now and im lucky to have you around.
Now i don't have to play tough.
Now i can just be me.

But even the normal me has an evil side.
I lash out at the people whom i hold closest to my heart.
Thinking they'll be alright..
Not thinking twice about their own emotions and how they don't need to hear that.
Im a little bit unsteady.
So...
Thank you for listening anyway.
Thank you for telling me about what my actions have caused.
Because sometimes im too blind to see.
To see what i've done, because fear got the best of me.
Im awful at keeping people in my life, but im hellah good at shutting them out and never talking to them ever again.
But, you are the only person i don't want to hurt, the only person i don't want to throw anything at.
I don't want to show you all these ugly sides of me.
Only the good ones.
But that can't be done.
Because i've already done so.
You deserve the best of what this world can offer to you.




Words from:
Mama - Empire cast and Helium - Sia.

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I never thought i'd hear it from you of all people.
Today you looked me in the eyes while telling me that you won't let me go.
I wasn't allowed to go according to you.
Your words shut a part of my dream down.
Your words made me hesitate, doubt and start to rethink.

You have no idea about the power your words hold.
You are capable of shutting us down in a heartbeat.
Why would you do that, is it because you care about us?
Is it because you think that we don't know any better?
Why won't you listen to our reasons before you start to judge us.

You say that the path you follow, is one that will always gracefully accept and never judge peoples choices.
Yet you are so quick to judge.
"It'll never last, you should give up now instead. Before you hurt your heart.."
"Why would you do that to them, they are your family.."
"You need to leave her alone, karma will turn on you."
"You'll get fooled, you are much too naive to travel alone."
"I only want to add another choice to that small list you have."
"Seem like you might need a voice of reason."
"Love never lasts in your age"
"You are just a kid, you don't know what love is"

Please, just shut up..
You don't know either.
So stop pretending like you do.
Weren't you the one that taught me to always trust my guts.
Well that's what i did right now.
Because it is what has led me this far.
Thanks to instincts and good judgement.
You said that you would respect my choices and not judge them.
But what is it that you are doing right now then.
Can't you just trust me on this one?

Please...
Just trust me on this one, i know what i am doing and what im feeling for the first time in my life.
Don't tell me "NO" just because you are scared.
I need to travel, explore and be free.
Why won't you see that.
If i don't bet 100% on this and take the risk, i'll never get anywhere in life.
Because i'll be to afraid to move on.

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The dead silence is spreading through me, sending chills down my spine.

All this confusion, all this hatred, the anger.
It will consume us in the end.
For we know no better than to blame.
We are innocent, we haven't done anything wrong.
We are the ones who have been wrongfully accused.

All we wanted was a touch of heavenly light, a breath of life.
So that we could dream again, with a little vision of the sun in our head.
We believed it could be.
But the fever is spreading, throughout our bodies and into our hearts.
What we looked for can no longer be found.
Because we are searching in the past for something that which no longer exist.

We failed to see that, what we were feeling wasn't anger... It was disappointment.
What we want isn't there anymore.
We have to accept the truth for what it is.
Even if it hurts us the most as we are beings that need to live in the present.
Not in the shadows of our past.

There are times when i wish i could just go back in time.
Make it all come undone.
Make it so that it never happened.
But i can't, things happen for a reason and who am i to question them.
I died for the dream only to realise that it was just a dream and something that could never be real, so i died again for the truth of my reality.

Just wished that i would've known earlier...

Being evil has a price.

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