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How do you apologise for something that isn't there?
How do you fight back the ever returning darkness of the night?
The answer is:
You don't fight it.
You embrace it, let yourself fall into it and become one with the things you fear the most.
Fear can stand for two things here in life. It stands for the two choices you make everyday.
First is this.
F.E.A.R
Forget Everything And Run
Or
Face Everything And Rise.
What you do to survive is something you just have to do.
What someone else says doesn't matter, they just use their position to give an opinion they are not worthy of.
He who stands for nothing, will fall for anything.
So here I am trying to stand for something, for myself so that I don't fall for anything.
Just when I think I'm onto something it slips through my fingers.
Just to tell the truth...
Telling the truth, it's supposed to be easy, but when you are living a lie the truth becomes your biggest enemy.
Tell them to stay clear of you, because you aren't good for them.
Reality is harsh enough for the lie to die.
Turning against those who were supposed to be the ones closest to your heart.
Shutting it down, locking the gate.
Doing what I want with no apologies.

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Hold on to me cause I'm a little unsteady.
So just hold on to me for a little bit.
If you love me don't let me go.
Momma trust me I know I'm alone.
But not in your eyes.
Dad trust me I know, I'm still fighting.
But please just don't let me go.
Cause no house feels like home.
So if you love me let me go.
No need to hold on.
I'm just a little unsteady.
I'm just tired of being alone.
But trust me I've fought when I felt like dying.
Still fighting.

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Smile for the picture, won't you be a good sister?
I see things as nobody else see.
The very thought scared me.
No one ever listened.
Everyone thinks that I'm perfect, but please don't let them look through the curtains.
Hey girl don't be scared, there's nothing to be scared of.
What you see and feel isn't real.
So tired, my head hurts, my mind hurts.
Schools not hard, you're just lazy.
And so the day of judgement came
The time and place set.
The day and month set.
It's all or nothing.
I'll search.
For the way out.
Let's hope I find it.

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So you'll tell me I can't do it? That I can't make it?
Well sit your fine ass down and watch me!
I'll achieve victory as I conquer every single obstacle you put in my way.
Yes I'm short and not that strong but please...
I have my wits and will for all those reasons.
If I'm not tall enough I'll jump, if that dosent work I'll climb.
I'm not strong enough? Have you seen my willpower?
Didn't think so, well now thanks for letting me explain myself.
Peace out!

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Oohh
Oohh
Standing there by the broken tree,
Her hands were all twisted, she was pointing at me.
I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes.
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky.
She said 'Walk on over yeah to the bit of shade,
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved'
Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.

I was out for a drink in a Soho bar
The air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar
She rose out of her seat like a painted ghost
She was the woman that I wanted the most
As she reached for my arm I gave her my hand
I said 'Lay me down easy let me understand'
Let me sign, let sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.

As I walked through the door she was still in my head
As I entered the room she was laid there in bed
She reached out for me all twisted in black
I was on my way down, never coming back
Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.
Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.

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The words you said gave me courage.
You stood up for me without even knowing the whole story.
And for that I thank you.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I never thought I would meet someone who said they fell in love with me.
When they didn't even know me, but it was a lie.
Just because they still think I'm broken.
They think that they can fix me, just by saying they love me.
But I'm not broken nor am I in denial.
I know myself best.
Sometimes I feel bad but that's okey, because I'm only human.
I am allowed to have bad days where I just want to cry.
I'm allowed to have good days where I just want to spread the love I have within me.
But never will I be so stupid as to think that someone's kindness for me is love.
That isn't all there is in this world.
Just because they are kind to you doesn't mean they love you.
Kindness can mean many things.
Yeah I still hold a broken heart inside me.
But the pieces are no longer shattered.
They are in one piece and just need a little glue and everything will be fine.
I'm not saying I'm broken, I'm saying I'll learn from my mistakes and downfalls.
I'll grow up and become even stronger.
I may not win the fight in physical strength but my will to conquer is what will make me win.
I'm free and that is how I will remain.
I have a person in my life.
She is called Julia.
She's my life, my light, my sister, my family.
But most importantly..
She's my bestfriend.
I may not talk to her everyday but I still miss her.
She's my one and only Julia.
Then there's Chibi.
She is my twin.
We just met up and got caught up in each others life.
She showed me what it means to be kind to others.
She's a lot like my Julia but they are both different.
I need Chibi because she is Chibi.
I need Julia because she is Julia.
Alot have changed since I parted ways with some friends.
They found love and live by it.
I found freedom to run and live by it.
Sure I want love too, but I don't crave it.
It will happen when I happens.
I'm still a wolf and my pack is my family.
Alone in may stand but together we will fall.
This has nothing to do with what I previously said but it's also my truth.

I don't need pity.
I don't need your help.
I have help.
I have love and kindness.
I have freedom.
I have a family.
I have siblings.
I have a life full of fun.
And I'm still learning, still growing.
To become even better than what I am now.
I will achieve my dreams.

So that's why I'll let myself cry sometimes, to get back up again.
Because I'm a warrior, I figth for myself.
I'm a wolf, I live and protect my family.

Because I'm a Witch I also work for the world and the universe.

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Can somebody help me out?
I can't find my feet

I'm sinking in the deep (depths?)
Can somebody pick me up?

The voice is too loud
I'm losing in the crowd

Because I, can't breathe
Oh, I can't breathe

Because I, can't breathe
Oh come and help me out(?)

Can somebody help me out?

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So tired of all this shit, all your lies.
I used to have a voice but I have none now that you hold me down.
So tired of all your lies, you don't even know me.
So don't pretend that you do.
All those words you said.
All lies i can feel it in my gut.
You try to kill me, but your words will never take me down.
Tried to control me, now that you see how you failed. You instead try to paint me as the monster and turn them against me.
But I'll let you hear my roar.
Didn't you ever realise that all you'd ever talk about was your worries and sometimes even forcing our hands. To do things we didn't want to.
But now I've had it.
Trust me I'm not afraid to fight back, I'll rip out your pretty little throat while I'm at it.
Your chains? I'll break them!
Your promises? I'll never take them!
Your life? All lies!
I'll shout it out as loud as I need, don't care who listens.
I just know that with my words comes with power from within.
We'll never be like you.
Always different, you say we're the same and I say we're not.
There's a scream inside.
I don't wanna die.
I just found myself, no way in hell that I will let you steal that away from me.
I'm a monster set free.
An uncontrollable force you never reckoned to face.
You can't say no more to a fighter.
And you most definitely can't say stop trying to a warrior.
I bet you forgot just who you were dealing with.
I'm a warrior by blood and fighter by experience.
An uncontrollable force that never should be released

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Det var så länge sen jag kände den där handen försiktigt stryka mig på huvudet. Det känns som en evighet sen, jag kommer ihåg senaste gången. Jag låg ner i min säng gråtandes över de som hänt, då du öppnade dörren till mitt rum och satte dig vid min sängkant. Du lade din hand försiktigt men tveksamt på mitt huvud. Jag såg upp på dig och du kollade bort, rädd för att möta min blick, med tårar som rann nedför dina kinder. Var du kanske rädd för att möta en blick fylld med avsky? Jag frågade aldrig, tvekade alltid och begravde mig själv så djupt inuti mig själv så att folk trodde att jag aldrig skulle kunna ta mig därifrån.
Jag försvann bara mer och mer, ju mera sanningen kom fram. Tills jag brast när min syster drog mig därifrån, inte du...Vart fanns den trygga värmen ifrån din hand? Det får mig att tänka tillbaks på när jag var liten och du satt där, läste högt för mig tills jag långsamt driftade av mot drömmarnas land. Värmen ifrån dina läppar som pussade min panna innan du sa ett tyst godnatt. Nu är det enda som möter mig är en trasig blick och ett påklistrat leende, värmen som en gång kom ifrån din hand avger istället en bitande kyla.
Avståndet mellan oss blir större med tiden oavsett vad jag gör för att hålla fast vid det varma minnet av dig.
​Vad är jag till dig? Vart tog du vägen? Finns du ännu kvar?
Dessa frågor ekar runt i mitt huvud när jag ser på dig och trots allt som hänt, allt som du gjort så kan jag inte låta bli att älska dig innerst inne.
Jag kan och kommer aldrig kunna radera den känslan,
för det är där inne som jag håller kvar den sista biten av dig.

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