Dad had many paintings. He collected many pieces on his time as an art collector before I was born. There are stories behind everyone of them waiting to be told.

On this night, I am to sleep in my childhood home for the first time after his passing. On the wall by dads bed hangs the painting of a polish artist which fascinated me as a kid and until this day.
I remember one morning in particular when me and some girls tried to interpret the painting.
We all agreed on the fact that he tried to paint a rose, but he didn’t have enough colors so he had to improvise with black paint, rose pedals and rough string. Somewhere along the way he must have spilled coffee on the painting as well since there is some kind of light brown fluid that dried on the paper.

This is when daddy steps in and explained the complex painting. Unfortunately I was to young to understand all details but I do remember this:
The rose who was growing strong stood for the government who was corrupt and is now loosing it’s power.

The light brown fluid is my favorite. The artist mixed his own BLOOD with water and let it drip down the painting. Something about the freedom of the people I think it stood for.

The painting is beautiful in it’s own unique way. I will have to ask my mother sometime about the story behind it. I feel like it’s important to know these small details of everything that ones was so important to my daddy.

Lovelove

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Why is it that the slightest bit of attention makes me crumble?
In my fragile, depressed state each word, each touch feels like heaven.
Lips kissing, hands clasping, fingers intertwined in a desperate attempt to feel anything rather than nothing.
Eyes seeking each other, gazing, looking into damaged souls.
It’s just...
ln that moment we are not damaged.
In that moment we are whole.
Two people become one.
One can heal the other.
The only thing is that one gets too emotionally attached to the other and makes stupid mistakes.
Makes the stupid mistake of thinking that maybe this one cares.
Gets too attached fast and then the fear of getting hurt settles in.
Never safe.
Even though it feels like that for a little while.
Even if the slightest bit of attention makes me crumble I keep my guard up and my hopes low.
There is no way that someone can be that amazing, kind, sweet, caring, understanding.
There’s got to be a catch.
I’m waiting to see what.

Love love

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This is not perfect or even done yet... but I needed to post something, anything cause I know how much you liked my poems Papii❤️

I don’t expect you to understand this feeling
If you’ve been through it you will understand what I’m saying

Imagine all your colors
The yellows
The blues
The reds
Imagine taking one of them away

Blue for example
What color would the sky be
Or the ocean or the mountains or that flannel shirt of yours

Imagine grass
Cause it can’t be green if there’s no blue.

What if yellow’s gone too?
What color would the sun be
Or the stars
Or the moon

What color is a sunset without the shades of red?
The fiery orange is gone or the rosy pink
Even the clouds would lose it’s purple

This is a different kind of ache
Who knew that colors could be painful.
That’s what he took with him when he left
All the colors of my world
And now I’m sitting in this gray lonely desert

My heart has been broken before
My heart is still aching
This void in me, the hole in my chest
I can’t imagine how it will ever heal

Cause what can replace colors
What can replace you Papii?

They say it will be like this for a long time
Nothing will ever be the same
Eventually we learn to live in this colorless world


Papii jag saknar dig!
Det är tomt utan dig

Lovelove

  • 33 Readers

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“First love is the worst,

Cause it doesn’t last.

I never saw him again...”

-Cobbs Pond

Lovelove

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I wake up.
The soft warm skin who held me in my dreams is gone.
This apartment is cold.
I grab my blanket and wrap myself tight inside it.
Falling asleep again.
And the soft warm skin is holding me again.

Lovelove

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Diets, diets, diets.... do they work? I don’t know, I guess they do if you can still eat all your favorite foods. Like waffles! I started with LCHF a couple of weeks ago and it is hard😂 but it works! Especially now when I’ve found some substitutes for my favorite foods. So here we go.

200g almonds
5 dl almond flour
4 eggs
2 teaspoon fiberhusk
1/5 ts salt
1 ts baking powder
1 dl whipped cream
1-2 dl almond milk
50g butter

First I put the almonds in a mixer and mixed them until they where where a crunchy powder. I then mixed it with all my dry ingredients and the eggs. Then I added cream, almond milk and melted butter. I used 2 dl milk but next time I think I would use one or two more to make the dough a bit more creamy than mine was today. Now take out your waffle iron and butter it up. This recipe can make 5-6 waffles.

Since it’s LCHF you can eat this the traditional way with whipped cream and unsweetened jam or just some fresh berries. Me, I eat it with cottage cheese😋❤️

So that’s how you do this. The waffles make you very full, I could barely eat two so one is enough for a snack or breakfast. Hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did.

Love love

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There is a very fine line.
The finest of them all.
The line between love and hate.
One second. One word. One mistake .
Everything you thought you loved about someone or something turns into black, poisonous tart.
One second you love them.
There eyes the only thing you want to see.
There lips the only thing you want to taste.
There skin the only thing you want to feel.
Then you pass the fine line.
The fine line lights that beauty into fire and turns it to gray ashes.
Toxic. Poisonous. Dark. Depressing.
Why do I still want you?
After you so clearly turn me down,
Over,
And over,
And over.
I give you the knife so you can stab me in the heart one more time.
One more time.
ONE MORE TIME.
I give you the power to hurt me, hoping that this time it will be different.
This time you will love me back again.
This time...
But you don’t.
Ones again, you tare my already broken heart out and crush it on the ground.
Ones again you make me feel like I’m not someone to love.
I’m someone to pass the time.
I’m someone to use.
I’m someone to just have there.
Cause you know
She loves me
She is desperate
She will do anything to win me back
And then when you have toyed her
Led her to become someone desperate and dirty
You tell her
You are everything I don’t want....
Everything
You
Don’t
Want
Okay...
Okay?
Okay!
The fine line between love and hate
The finest of them all.

Lovelove? Malou

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Hey girl❤ how are you doing? I know you're gonna have a hard time reading this since you have a hard time learning languages at school. But I have good news for you. It gets better! In 10 years time you will speak both English and GERMAN fluently!!! How cool is that? Oh and it's all because instead of moving to NYC when you turn 19 to become a fashion designer you will go on a mission to Switzerland and get to know a bunch of cool people. You will love it😊
Also, I know you're thinking of becoming a pilot as a "back up plan" if the designer thing doesn't work out. I happy you're such a dreamer and I just want to remind you to never stop dreaming. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something that you want to do. I mean it, you can do anything❤
You have a rough couple of years ahead of you and I know you tell yourself it's ok and no one needs to know how lonely you are. You tell yourself you can smile and laugh and just hope the loneliness goes away in the future. Remember that you are the one who has to make it go away. No one can just magically make it disappear....
Or well, they can, but the moment they leave the feeling of fullness leaves with them. Rely on yourself but more importantly rely on your friends. They don't know how sad you are when the only thing they hear is the loud laugh echoing in the hallways. Tell them how much you need them while you have them.
Oh, and last thing: you won't marry David. Sweet girl, you made out with him once and even tough your sweet innocent mind believes at eternal love after the first kiss it doesn't always turn out that way. You will know that for a fact sooner then you think.

I love you and how strong you are. I think you're my favorite age just cause you're so optimistic and happy. You're my believer, my dreamer and I'm writing you now to let you know I won't let your dreams down.

-from your future self🦄

Lovelove

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I use this phrase sometimes.

Have a nice life...

Just a funny way saying goodbye. Nothing serious at all!

But sometimes I really mean it...

​Haha, japp... I'm really tired of all the crap today ✌🏼

Lovelove

  • 212 Readers

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