One of my favorit songs is called ”To Build a Home”. It's beautiful and has a deeper meaning than to just build a house out of stone, wooden floors and window seals. A physical home is a luxury many of us are blessed to have. My physical home from my childhood; a typical Swedish red wooden house with white corners. My parents bought it befor i was born. Even if i was brough up there in the red house where i took my first step, said my first words, learned how to ride a bike... I still feel so unset in that place that should be the most comfortable place in the world. I guess i miss the feeling of havig our whole family there. Cause a red wooden house with white corners is just a house until the people who live there makes it a home.

I guess i stoped being a home september 11th 2014 when i left. Switzerland bacame my home. The gray, blue and purple snow covered mountains i could see in the horizon when i stood by the Zollikofen tempel bacame my home. The green hills and sunflower feelds of Burgdorf became my home. The weed-smelling streats of Winterthur became my home. The people who lived in these towns became my family. I cared for them, they cared for me. The day I got the call to leave Switzerland was a nightmare. I could not believe it and i cried because i was needed elsewhere.


Austria... Let's say we where of to a though start. I didnt want you to become my home. I wasnt easy to dislike it as much as I imagined i would. The people was beyond sweet. The members where each a beacon of sunlight. Who whould have though that morning when our ”gas alarm” whent of that the red couch in the Pinols home would become my bed many times over for the next year. Who knew that the girls would become my little sisters. Who knew that the guy who found me so irriating would become my next home.

Yes, thats right. Even though i went back to the red wooden house with white corners you where my home Seb. The distance was excruciating. The planerides went to heaven. Litteraly and figurtivly. Home was the red couch. Home was your arms around me. Home was your kiss on my forhead. Home was us planing the future. Home was feeling security that you would always be there even if you wherent... Home was knowing that we loved eachother.

Home is not a place, or someone you meet, but on the same time, it is! I don't have one home anymore, i have many. I don't settle down in one place cause what if i miss out on home? What if i need to find another home. The world is big and got planty of space to explore for a wandrer like me.

Lovelove💕

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I have long hair. I used to pull it behind my ears or make nice braids in it so it wouldn't be in my face.

I have long hair. I wear it down now. I like how it creates a barrier between me and the world.

I have long hair. Like a waterfall it runs down my back and on the side of my face.

I have long hair. It tickles my face, my eyes and my noes.

I got long hair. I can hide behind it so I don't have to look at anyone at the street.

I got long hair. I can hide behind it so you no one can recognize me.

Lovelove💕

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Priorities... Reasently this became a word with a bad ring to it. Priorities should help you grow and make you better. You should priorities what makes you feel good and not bad. For some reason my priorities makes me feel like crap lately. Makes me fell down and sad and sometimes I feel bad cause I feel like I priorities things that I don't want to but feel like I have too. Sometimes others make me feel bad cause I'm not prioritizing them in the way they want but in reality I am putting them first. I'm giving it all I got.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to make myself my top priority cause thats what everyone else does. Actually I've always been that way and thats probably why I'm so selfish... I dont like that, but then I think if I'm not selfish and put myself first who else will do it? No one, probably. No one cares that much that they would let everything else go to just help me or be someone I need them to be. A person like that is too good to be true...

Selfish or not. The top priority is me, myself and my wellbeing.


Lovelove

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This week me and my sister spent in Almeria, Spain. I don't have much to say except that it was so nice to just relax and enjoy the weather. I finished reading 2,5 while being there so that pretty much says how much time I spent in my tanning chair. Here are some pix for you to enjoy

Lovelove💕

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The small room was dark. Except for the light that sliped in from behind a curtain. A new day has arrived and they had slept in. The light woke her. After yawning quietly she peeked out the window.

Big snowflakes was slowly falling down from the sky. The first snow this winter. It was beautiful and bright and she wanted to share the light with the dark room. She pulled up the curtain.

He woke up to her smile.

'It's snowing'.

''It does?'

He smiled too. The sleep still fresh in his eyes. She crawled back into bed. Head on his chest. His fingers playing with her hair. He took a deep breath.

'It's very beautiful. So peaceful.'

'Yes... I wish we could stay like this forever'

They stayed like that for a long time. Just them admiring the dancing snowflakes.

'We won't get many more days like this.' She said.

'I guess we will just have to look back at this moment and remember how happy and peaceful the world is now.'

And then, not long after, the war started and all peace was gone...


Lovelove

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Recently I started reading a book series again. I read the first book in High School and saw the other week while writing in the library that the first book has another five books to continue the story. Of course i could not just leave those books there so i borrowed the second through forth book of ”The Spookes”-series. I reasently finished 'The Spook's Curse'and 'The Spook's Secret', which are the follow up's to the book i read in high school 'The Spook's Aprintes'. The series are so exciting and we follow the young boy Tom Ward who is an aprintes to the Spook of the area wher he lives in Englend. Not just anyone can do the Spook's job. First of you need to be the seventh son to the seventh son which Tom is. And then you have to be able to actualy feel the evile creatures that are leuring in the dark. Tom will have to bind witches, bogarts and other dark creatures together with his teacher and we get to follow him as he becomes a Spook himself. It's way exciting and if you really want something to read and are in to fantasy then i recomend these book.

I also love this book because of the fact that it gave me the idea to my own book series that I'm writing now. As soon as i finisher reading this book in high school i started writing down ideas and story lines to ”The House of the Damed Children” and after a while it turned out I probably had enough content for three books which i now call 'The Sun Will Rise', 'The Moon Will Shine', and 'A Star Will Fall'. Just like Tom my main character is a seventh child to a seventh child. In the begining I wanted to make it to some sort of special family line that could become vampires if they where seventh children to seventh children. But after a while i realized ther was not to many vampire like cualities other then a serten ”transformation” these children had to go through on their sixteenth birthday so after sharing it with my sister she said they reminded her of witches and they then turned into Wiccas.

Anyway, I will share more about that another time. I should really get to it and finish the next chapter of the book.

Lovelove

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I used to have an idea of what I wanted to be. I could be anything. I could do anything.

If I wanted to be an artist who stroke her pencils over a blank canvas, I could do that.

If I wanted to be a pilot on an air craft who looked down on the clouds all day, I could do that.

If I wanted to be a dancer who showed her emotions by moving to the music, I could do that.

If I wanted to be an actress infront of a camera making people laugh, I could do that.

If I wanted to be a writer who made up exciting stories about heroes and adventures, I could do that.

If I wanted something I tried to do it. I tried to be it. I was constantly searching for purpose and a sence of being in place. Instead I'm lost.

They say there are no limits to what you can be. You have the world in your hand. But the world is a rubics cube to me. I don't know how to match the colors and put them on their own place. Sometimes I feel like the limitless life of a young girl is too much. There are too many roads and how will i know where too go when I've lost my map? I don't know what happened to that great idea I had about who or what i wanted to be. One day I will know. One day I'll be doing the thing I'm meant to do

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”I want to tickle you”

I let you. I laugh, you laugh and now I smile. But dont let that smile fool you. My tears are gone temporarly. Just cause I smile it doesn't mean that I'm happy. Don't settle for the quick way. I know you can see through me and if you try hard enough you can make me happy in the long run.

It's not cause im laughing that I begg you to stop. I want you to take a break. Look at me. LOOK at ME! Not the smile on the lips you kiss. Can't you hear I'm gasping for air. Can't you see that its painful to breathe? To inhale and exhale. I'm sometimes afraid you will stop trying, I'm afraid I will stop trying to find ways to make eachother truly happy. So I let you do what you want.

"I want to tickle you"

I let you. I laugh, you laugh and now I'm smiling.

​Lovelove

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In the beginning of this year I sat some goals of things i wanted to do in the near future. There was only a few things I wanted to get done this year. One of them is to get my drivers license. I pushed it so much last year. Traveling and saving money for other things seemed more important than spending my money on a drivers licence. But now is the time and I'm gonna do everything in my power to get it done before this year is over.

A lovely suprice this month was that i could save away some money, actually a lot of money, for the lessons i need to take, books and other things i will have to pay to get my driverslicence. Hopefully I will have enough money by the end of this month to buy a 'drivers package'.

It's something about saving money for something that is just so satisfying for me. Just thinking och that thing you really want and then work hard to get it. To spend so much money in the end doesn't even matter cause it's such a small price ta pay for something you want.

I've already started to look for ”my first car” and thats even more exciting than the licence. I'm thinking a Mini Cooper, a green ”Herbie car” that i saw the other day or an other lovely cheap mess. As long as it is worty first car material ;)

Lovelove

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