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Its kind of weird how only one person can affect you so much, one person can make you feels so much.

Im sitting at home and he is working late, Im drinking some wine and yes Im a bit bored. Texting a few friends in Sweden and god it would be nice with some company right now. But the realise that he will be home soon and thats the best thing. He is my best friend my biggest support. To be honest hes the only person who actually gest me.

I say to him that we are so similar, and we are. Its like our relationship have a kind of flow. When he gets mad at me I get mad back, and then we start fighting. But then someone says something funny and in just one second we both start laughing, We never really have the big fight, because we don't have to. We know each other too well, we are good at solving stuff before it turns out to something major. We are good at that.

My therapist said that from now on all my problems I should discuss with B. All the things I need to talk with someone I should discuss with him. Because Im a we now. And hes my person, and thats so amazing.


Im a we now. With him.


​Pixa

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​How lovely isn't this picture, if I may say so. B took this of me when we were back home in Sweden. Its nothing I love  so much as snow. Im like a little kid and Im so happy B manage to capture this moment. Pure happiness. 

Like Iv been writing I'm going through as phase right now trying to find some peace. And with that Im also trying to figure myself out. What I like and not, my thoughts about the future and my life goals But also being happy in the exact moment.

These past weeks Iv been focusing on my sleep. Iv sleep a lot and I think thats exactly what I needed. Two nights ago me and B when out for a run a long the water, And it was so nice. He puches me to start working out again and it felt so good. Its nice having someone who don't listen to you excuses, who doesn't take your crap. Who helps you change in the good. way, 

Today I sat down with my calendar and marked all days with work, working out and also once a week one day is marked as writing day. Cause I have a project Im working on and I really want to finish that by the end of the summer. Thats one life goal.

This year is going to be so good. We are going to travel a lot and Im so excited. But this summer B:s visa runs out and then we have to figure out where to go next. Scary but also super exciting.

THIS YEAR....

This year contains, happiness, travel, love, writing and finding my self on a new level. 

Im starting now, are you with me?

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Hi beautiful people out there

Today Iv been quite lazy. But after I spoke to my mum and she told be to get out and get some fresh air I actually went out for a walk slash run. It was good but it was pouring down so I wasn't out for that long.

I still feel a bit low and tired. Going to work two nights now and I really don't want to.
See how I feel tomorrow but I guess it will be okey.

The good thing about today is that it's has been snowing a bit here in London.

And I totally love snow.
Miss Sweden a lot now.

The other is that I have a beautiful cuddling bf in my lap

Love him

And the words on the picture is what I need right now
So I'm sending it to you as well

Love.

M

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THOUTHS

I need time to think, time to heal, time to just be.

I can´t really tell you what actually going on.

Im okey I promise

I will come back.

I just need time.

I trying to sort out my thoughts

One by one

Put them in diffrent tiny boxes in my head and let them be there

Past, now, future

When Im not fully myself

Thoughts about the past keep haunting me

The come and I get sad

I get angry and even though I know that they are not now

Its hard for me to let them go

Those thought affect my now very bad, its like Im living them once again

And that make me scared for the future

Its intresting that everything is so connected

But when I feel calm and happy

Those thoughts are not there at all

And now is beautiful and then the future is not scary its something with a lot of hopefullness that Im looking forward to.

So here Im sitting in my yard in london. Its january and Im sitting outside with warm socks and a blanket, drinking coffee.

Im writing this and feel a bit calmer

Some thoughts are a bit clearer. And now I promise myself....

That past is the past and now is now, future is future. My future is my future and now is my now and its bright.

And Im going to do my best to keep it that way....

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Du drar i handbromsen, för att det är dags nu.

För att du gasat på alldeles för länge och nu ej har någon kontroll mer.

Farten har saktat in, ja du kraschade för länge sen.

Men farten saktades ner av sig själv för du orkade inte stanna upp på egen hand.

Men nu, nu dar du i handbromsen för du har inget val.

Inget val enligt dig själv.

Du väljer att agera nu för att sedan kunna åka hur fort du vill, åka i en fart du själv har bestämt, en fart som passar dig och gör att faktiskt ser det som händer runt om och kan uppskatta det.

Du vill inte vara ledsen, du vill inte må dåligt.

Du vill vara glad och ha distans till livet.

Du vill inte ta dig själv på så stort allvar, men NU måste du.

För ingen annan gör det.

Du drar i handbromsen och ingen annan får mer trampa på din gaspedal utom du.

Du drar hårt, du stannar, du agerar.

Lycka till.

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