I am pretty sad, in a way that I can't help not to. It sounds ridiculous since we have not seen each other for 1.5 years. Somehow, I am devastated. I went back to those far-away memories and said goodbye, this time is for real.
We met each other in a Friday night out. That was a local bar near Järntorget, nothing special about it, beer and always packed with people. With some sort of twisted, our eyes met in the crowed, those beautiful big blue eyes. You were sitting there with your colleagues, or in another way, your employees. You are born to be a good leader, a cool boss. You work hard but meanwhile, you care. You care about the people you work for, the people you work with. You were everything all I ever wanted. You made a gesture to share the table with us. You didn't talk to us. I talked to you. Forgot what was my first line. You asked me about my age. You are 10 years older than me, you didn't laugh when I made a bad joke about the age. Later in the night, we exchanged numbers for a badminton competition.
The second time we met was in a crazy hippie party in Hsingen. I stayed for 10 minutes and you left with me. You made a move by putting my hands into your jacket pocket, soft and delicate. I went to your place and sat in the sofa while watching TV, quietly. Sometimes you don't talk so much, but for the first time, I enjoy the comfortable silence with you. That was a warm and calm winter night., just like the night before Valentines. Before I got the new job, I was so nervous and you confronted me, saying that "Your time is coming!". When the summer approached, you brought me to this unknown island in the coast, showed me the best of Sweden and the calmness with you. We just enjoyed the sunset, ocean and the company of each other. You told me that you were longing for your own kid. I was telling myself "I want to have kids with you" but instead, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to scare you. Another early summer night of our date, you said to me, "Here we are going home!".
The last goodbye we had was when you put me to the shore and you drove away with you boat to Hönö, giving me a big French kiss goodbye. You probably didn't think that would be our last time to meet. Me either. We just had our first time spending 24 hours together, what happened? You asked me what I thought about you and mentioned that you were scared of relationships. I freaked out. All the insecurity and jealousy just came all along. I said the things I should not have said and I made a decision. I was saying goodbye to you with a smile, but when I turned around, I was crying. Dramatically, rains started to pour off, just like a cliche movie. That night, you sent a picture of me, driving the boat for the first time. I texted you back, confessed my feelings for you, that I could see things moving forward to be more serious, was a pity that we were not in the same page. Story ended. You never answered me back.
I am surprised that now you move on so fast and settle down so quick. Part of me, still wish there is a day we run into each other in the beautiful Gothenburg city. We catch up and we catch up... We both change and can give it a second try. What can I say now? Gothenburg is because of you, shining the way she never has.
But I am happy that your dream comes true! You have your own baby girl and you can settle before 40 now. You will be a great dad! I am saying goodbye to you, for real, even though it is a silent one.
I guess at this moment, I am free, too!