I'm too sure what I am actually going to say on this one... I guess I should start with the fact that I am only human, that I am still learning. 

For many years I have been a big believer in each person doing whatever they want to do for themselves. I think I've said the words "you do you" more than any other phrase I can think of, and for the most part I've stuck to that in my own life. However, sometimes you can't just do something because you want to, sometimes you have to consider and respect everyone around you. 

This weekend was a long one with both good and bad moments. I completed my last examination for high school, and walked out with my head held high. High school isn't my favourite experience, especially not in this international environment where you never have any safety, all you have is yourself. So to be able to walk out of that building and have the emotion hit me that I made it through the years of uncontrollable drama, heartbreak, endless laughter, way too many drunk mistakes and drunk fun, basically everything that high school brings, was potentially one of the best feelings I've ever had.

As much as I was able to enjoy that split moment of joy and pride, it wasn't long before I was back in a situation far too similar and familiar to my old self. I love surrounding myself with kind hearted, considerate and easy going people, as much as all of the lads around me are this in their own individual ways there's one that recently came into my life, and I can't understand nor explain how weirdly wonderful our bond is, he's me in the male form but a better version of me? I'm not all that sure what it is about him, but I feel like we've got a bond going that could potentially last a life time. Anyway, obviously it's easy to be attracted to each other when you've got a bond like that and you're a few too many whisky&cokes down... This wouldn't be an issue of it wasn't for the fact that the flame between him and someone who at the time was close to me was gradually dying out but hadn't yet completely done so. ​As much as the act was wrong, I oddly don't regret it. I feel like it was disrespectful yet I also feel like it was something I needed to do.

I don't really have a direction with this post evidently... I think my point is that it's ok to make the wrong choices, it's ok to try things you morally shouldn't, it's ok to not be perfect. The important thing is being able to understand what you're doing and learn from it in someway or another. 

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Teenage years are the toughest years of anybody's life. Everything is so new but everything is still so old. You're blindsided by your lack of experience, but you're also blinded by your new found feelings and thoughts. Nothing makes any sense and nothing ever adds up. You're walking through the same crowd filled with different people. There is little trust and even less comfort as everyone around you seems to be different but you feel the same.
Expectations increase around you almost as quickly as your heart rate does when the stress and pressure all gets a little too much. You find your self thinking a lot more than usual, trying to figure out millions of questions you can never seem to get an answer to. Your friends seem to come and go with no genuine care, one day they are there and the next.. well they simply aren't.
You could ask someone for a little bit of help, just for someone to grab a coffee with you and have a chat about everything swirling through your brain like a mini tornado... but you won't because you don't want to seem weak. Only the weak take the risk of opening up to others, only the weak push past the darkness, only the weak
find themselves sleeping peacefully through the night with out a worry in the world. Like I said, that's how it seems.
The sooner you reach out to someone, a friend, a family member or even god, the closer you get to feeling ok and safe. The more positivity you bring in and the more negativity you push out, allows you to free your mind. You become the person you WANT to be. Two very simple things, easier for some than others, but still rather simple. They help you lead the life you want, instead of taking you down a never ending spiral of negativity that can lead to giving up on yourself, and nobody should ever give up on themselves.
My point is, everybody feels like it's the end of the world more often than not during the many teenage years, but it isn't, and you come to realise that at the end of the race. So help yourself, and help others by being someone who wants to listen, who wants to share, who wants to see the good in people and help them let it shine through instead of having all the great be hidden because it isn't "perfect" in the book of todays society.

Love unconditionally and endlessly.

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