This morning I decided to film my home practice and wow - I should've done that a while I go. Some poses I've felt I've done right have to improve... a lot. I mean, I can do them but it's not the right way - I'm burdening the wrong muscles sometimes and it wouldn't surprise me if I soon get hurt. One of the poses is the crow pose, Kakasana. This was actually one of my best times - I managed to hold it for a good while before I faceplanted on the mat. I know I need to look more forward and straight out my back and neck but my God, while in that pose all I want to do is to stay in the air and not faceplant. Hopefully a lot of practice will help - I'll continue to videotape my practices and hopefully learn a lot more about how my body's moving. I also think it's time to buy a block to help with my practice.
The last week in Stockholm
has been amazing. The weather has gone from snow to sun and 20 degrees celsius in just a couple of days and with the sun all of the people comes out. I think a lot of us Scandinavians wake up in spring and realize how much we've missed being outside. We then try to spend every second outside, or at least open all of our windows when we're inside. For me this is the best period of the year to let my creativity flow. I get inspired by everything - birds singing, a sunray shining through my drapes. Even the sound of a lawn mower in the morning is nice to listen to. And I'm a morning person. Anyway, the last week this urge to be outside has placed me in parks with friends, walks around town and outside on my break eating ice cream in the sun by myself. To be cheesy: it's nice to be alive.
With creativity the mind also wonders and spring is the time of the year when I analyze my own behavior and feelings the most. I've learned I have some behaviors I need to unlearn. Just like some yoga poses, I've gotten into some behaviors I've felt being right but now, when I look at them from a different perspective, I've noticed they're only hurting me. The last years I've gotten more and more self confidence. I often do my own thing and enjoy myself - and everyone around me can assure you that I'm a smiling and positive person. At the same time I'm honest and I open up pretty quick to new people. This is a way for me to feel better as well, if I'm anxious it loses some of the tension if I say it out loud. Since I'm this sure in myself and my behavior it gets extra tough when I realize some of the things I do now actually hurts me. But to get over it and change, I first need to accept it. This week has been all about that acceptance. I've already started working on some areas and I'll tell you when I've managed to change something. It will take time, but it's all for the best.
Yesterday I booked a plane ticket to Spain this summer, for three weeks. Yes!! I'm going to enjoy my (first ever) payed vacation. I felt like such an adult while writing that last sentence. I imagine I'll just lay on the beach reading book after book, playing beach volleyball, swim everyday and explore towns close to our house. Siesta everyday. The sweet life. Anyway, this summer will bring some decision time as well. In July (or August at the latest) I'll know if I'll move to Gothenburg in the fall to study to become a physiotherapist. That would be great. But if not - I have to get out in the world again. My mind is wondering off to Central America (mostly Costa Rica and Nicaragua), Hawaii, Sri Lanka, Portugal... I'll probably come up with more in a couple of minutes. So what ever comes from this summer, I know it'll be a good fall. I need change, I get restless a lot. And this have continued for about three months now.
Later tonight I'm going to get out and have a long walk with my Bali friend Malin. Until then I think I'll just snuggle up with a new book. Has anyone read The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton? I've heard it's good and I've been eye balling it for a while in the store and last week I finally bought it. I'll give you my review later.
Love and light,