I thought my fresh start would be the day I got on a plane with a one way ticket and left my old life behind, but it turns out it wasn't.
I come from a rather big city, constantly in motion and fast paced. It holds a way of life I enjoy, never slowing down and always something big up. But when you've spent your whole life running down the same streets, riding the same underground trains, you become blind to what it holds. Everything fades into a background noise, and so do you. Or at least I feel I did. It turned me into a faded version of who I am, and I forgot who I was without it. And so, I decided to at my first chance at it, leave it all behind to find out who I really am without it. Though, this was mainly an escape plan. Because this city did not only consist of the concrete it was made of, but of pain so excruciating I couldn't stand to be faced with it. Memories of a rock bottom I once had hit were engraved within the walls surrounding me, and I was desperate to get out.
And so I did.
I somehow managed to get my hands on a one way ticket to the Isle of Wight, in the U.K. And so I left, thinking I wouldn't ever look back. Thinking that the moment I put my right foot on the plane, my past would be gone. But as I soon discovered, this isn't how it works.
The pain I held as I boarded that plane stayed with me. It didn't miraculously heal. And I found this very frustrating. Especially when school started. Because I couldn't shake the feeling of falling into my so called "old self". Someone who I am not, someone I refuse to ever become. A wreck of stress. But this did wake me up into the realisation, I hadn't fully recovered from my long fall down to a rock bottom yet. It takes time, and it takes patience. So I wasn't ready. But had I messed up my chance at a new life? Thank god I understood I hadn't. I understood, that this was a time for taking chances if anything. This was the time to say fuck it, and live by it. And so, on a Monday night, I dropped out of school. I cut off my hair. I booked a flight. And that was when I began my new life. Because I've got time. School will still be there for me in a year, when I've had my time to get back to life, when I'm ready. And right now is a time for getting back to life. A time to throw myself out of my comfort zone, because I've lived sheltered in it for far too long. It's the time for taking chances, living. And I can't even bother to care about what a living breathing cliche I am, because it feels so damn good. So cheers to that, and let's go.