I believe there is a lot to learn from this story, which tells of an experience of bullying and the effect it has on the main character's mental health. Its purpose was to show the true impacts that bullying has on some teens and how much it can impact them and their lifestyle. Enjoy :)
You have never had an easy childhood and your house never felt like home. Every day and night, violent arguments break loose in that house and it felt so unsafe. You lock yourself in your room to hide away. Imagine feeling so afraid that your body trembles and your chest tightens. So scared that your vision blurs and you feel dizzy. There is no way out and nowhere to go. You have no choice but to come back to this place you call home, but you feel so alone.
Imagine walking into a place called school, but you know it as hell. People stare and laugh in your face. You think you’re in a nightmare, but you’re trying hard to hold onto reality. You don’t know why everyone hates you, but maybe you should hate yourself too. Thoughts spin and race through your mind and you’re all alone in your head. You sit by yourself, looking at everyone, just watching. Observing their bodies dressed in smiles and laughter, and the sparkle in their eyes, longing to be like them. But you’re devoid of beauty.
You close your eyes and watch the patterns and colours streaming on the back of your eyelids and you allow yourself time to think. You think about all the names as you clench your fists.Worthless. Ugly. Fat. Freak. You press your eyes closed harder. Attention seeker.Waste. Hideous. Useless. Your eyes begin to sting. Crazy. Pathetic. Monster.Fake. You exhale so hard that you feel like you can’t breathe in again. You feel like you’re in a place so dark, you can’t feel the light.
Imagine that you feel like they have won, like they have taken control of your thoughts. These bullies, they make you feel horrible, and you can’t seem to push it away. You have come to believe all the things you are seeing and hearing around you. You no longer like who you are and you have become everything you despised. Their words have stuck in your head like a tattoo. You’re caught in this rut, in this position of helplessness and isolation, you don’t know what to do, gasping for air, you don’t know how to handle things anymore, and everything is spiraling.
Imagine changing yourself based on the opinion of others. You change the way you dress and the way you do your hair. You change the way you walk and the way you talk, hoping, just wishing that someone might start to like you. Restricting meals, leaning to the toilet and throwing up to be thin, counting calories as a measure of your self-worth,all because of the harsh words of others. You are ruled by numbness, forever wanting to reach peace with your skin. You knew that your secrets were best concealed in silence, so you kept it to yourself, a word was never spoken.
Imagine practicing the rules of perfection, just trying to fit in and trying to be beautiful. Staring into a mirror looking at a stranger staring back, glaring at the failure before you. So just as a mouse sneaks past to avoid the dangers of a trap, you avoid mirrors to escape the disappointment and disgust.
Imagine you’re suffocating in darkness. Taking deep breaths and regretting each one. Being left alone to cry on the floor in what feels like an endless struggle, with no hope of finding answers. Losing sleep because your panic-struck mind won’t let you relax.
Imagine thoughts flooding your mind. Your eyes are heavy and your limbs are weak. In a mind that’s so consumed by demons and destruction. Swallowed by this everlasting, perpetual agony and torment.
Imagine resting your head against the cold pillow as your lips quiver and your eyes flicker, wondering why you’re even here. Why do you bother trying when your good is never good enough? You’relying there sleepless, dreamless and hopeless. Your thoughts fight to become free of worries that overshadow your sound mind. Every day is an uphill battle and it’s always a challenge to get up and face the world. Imagine not knowing who you are anymore. You have lost yourself and you can’t seem to find your way back. You realise how easy it is to fall, and how much easier it is to break into pieces that cut your hands as you try to reassemble yourself.
You’re tired of playing this same game of self-hate. You feel so worthless and you can’t find a place to belong.You now hate yourself so much and believe the whole world hates you too. You start to feel empty, and that there is no way out from these feelings. Imagine feeling completely alone. Like there is no one by your side. You are isolated and disconnected from everything and everyone. You’ve been rejected, and your life is slowly crumbling and falling to pieces. Imagine not seeing the reason for trying, or for talking, or for breathing. You exist to no one but yourself.Your mind is out of place and you’re constantly questioning life and all its reasons.
You said you can’t do it anymore,you said you’ve had enough. Your eyes now dull and full of tears and your soul turned to ash and full of fears. You’ve tried for so long to fix it and fit in,but figured out that no longer can you fake a grin. This world and these people have destroyed you and dimmed your shine. You’re stuck there wondering why people turn their head and pretend they don’t see. Wishing that someone would realise the effects of their actions. But it’s too late, you now know that youdon’t belong here in this dreadful place. Second thoughts no longer lingeredand you knew it was time to go.
Imagine taking one last glance atthe moonlit sky as you stepped off into broken darkness. You are no longerrestrained by the limits of the mortal world.
Now tell me, can you imaginethis?