Insecurities, we all have them, but we still sometimes find ourselves feeling like we're the only one with them. We either don't talk about it, or we cover up for it, or make jokes about it so that no one can use it against us. People have used my insecurities against me, and it sucked. I don't want anyone to be able to have that kind of power over me.
I think it's good to be aware of what you're insecure of, and don't be ashamed of it. It's not like you're just going to wake up one day and it will all be gone. Your worst insecurities get better with time, when you truly work on them. I'm pretty open about my feelings here on my blog, for me it's easier to write than talk. I used to hate writing about my feelings but when I really started to be open about it they lost the power they used to have over me. So I will share one of my biggest insecurities with you, and this is still something I don't necessary enjoy talking about, but it's there and there's no shame in that, cause like I said, we all have them. I wish I could put it in one word, ''this'' is what makes me insecure. But it's just way more complex than that. Have you ever been wondering, why does Linnea never have a boyfriend? Haha, I get the question once in a while. Truth is, I'm so incredible insecure of how I look, and so incredible scared to be made fun of that I rather keep my pride and stay single for life, even if it means loosing someone I really care about. Is this how I want to be? Is this what I would actually want to do? No of course not! But still I can't stop myself from keeping people out of my life. I tell myself that it's not worth feeling ''weak'' and having to wonder if they will dislike parts of me as much as I do once they truly ''see'' me. And you know the other part of me is just screaming ''What the hell are you thinking?! You're searching for perfection but will never find it.'' There's nothing like it. And what I also have to keep reminding myself of, is that people might not like what I like and the other way around.
It's funny, when it comes to my career and future I would always ''jump'', I would always try my hardest. I would NEVER stick my head in the sand. But when it comes to feelings, my personal life, I rather play ''safe''. And as you might can guess, this doesn't go very well together with the other side of me. This hasn't just been a little phase of my life, this has kept me from being able to say how I truly feel for as long as I can remember. It's like I know I can't be perfect so I might as well never let anyone see me, love me at all. And it's absurd, I know I deserve it just as much as anyone else. But let's just say, it's crazy what your mind can do to you. The picture we have of ourselves that no one else sees. I can seem hard, as if I don't need anyone, or as if I'm not even interested. But really it's just me not knowing how to let someone that close. Letting someone be that close makes me insecure. So insecure that I have always chosen to be without it. But you know what? I'm not gonna let it just be like that, I'm working on it and I've been working on it for years. It gets better and better, but man it takes time. There's no point of being so hard on yourself. If you have been telling yourself all these awful things for such a long time, it's gonna take some time to get past it. But don't ever give up on yourself and remember we all have our insecurities, no matter how we look or where we are in life.