I've been thinking a lot about what it's like when you first move to a new place, and then what it's like after you've been there a few years. 3 years ago I was counting the days, I was so excited about the move, about a new life. When I first got to LA this city was everything I'd ever wanted it to be, even better. I found the feeling I had been looking for for so long, it felt great, but does it stay that way forever? Or does it fade away?
Starting over can feel absolutely great or absolutely miserable. I've always happened to love change so to me it felt really good starting a new chapter. Everything was new, fresh and the best part of it all: It was a place without problems. I had no past here what so ever. My friends were new friends, I had a brand new apartment, I went to a complete new school. Every day felt like a vacation to me, even the days I spent in class. Acting was so much fun, I did a student film for the first time. I found a really cool group to collaborate with and we ended up filming together, we even traveled together. For so long I looked at LA as if it was the best place on earth.
I will always have the love for LA, for a reason I don't even understand. It just feels home. But one important thing to have in mind when you move to a new place is the fact that nothing stays perfect forever, because life will never be perfect. Wherever you go, if you stay long enough, you will experience harder times. Problems will very fast catch up with you and new once will appear. There are good sides and bad sides to everything. School didn't actually teach me a lot about the acting industry, I had to learn the hard way. By bumping in to assholes who claims to wanna help you with your career, but what they really want is to get into you pants. By seeing how older men in the industry takes advantage of younger girls who doesn't yet know the business. By constantly being categorized and typecast. By learning that look means more than talent.
I've always seen the best in people, never seen a reason to why someone would ever lie to me or wanna hurt me. Trust me, LA was a slap in the face. Luckily I've never ended up in a really bad situation where someone was taken advantage of me but many people sure have tried. And that's sad enough to me. There's so many things that are going on in this industry, there's this really dark side to it that I never ever want to get to know. On top of that, being from Sweden makes a lot of other places feel like a downgrade when it comes to health care, school etc. All these things are for sure gonna affect your little dreamworld. It has effected mine. Do I still like LA? Yes I do, but I don't see things the same way I saw them when I first came here.
I'm more aware now, which means it's easier for me to stay away from situations I don't wanna be involved in. This city has made me so much stronger, and if someone ever brags about all the stuff they've been working on and how they now can boost my career I turn around and walk the other way. It still affects me though, the bad sides of this place. How shallow people can be. It's hard to stay real in a world that is very fake. I loved living in my dreamworld, where LA was nothing but perfect, but what I like even more is to live in the reality. To see LA for what it really is, both good and bad. It's amazing and it has flaws.
Back to my question, does it ever fade? The feeling of being on top of the world, unstoppable and the feeling where everything feels new and fresh? I don't know if ''fades'' is the right word, but it changes, that's for sure. The feelings changes. I have days where I still feel like I'm on top of the world and I have days where I just want to pack my bags and get out of this town. The bottom line is, what place isn't like that? Sure there are places better than others but as long as you are where you want to be, do what you want to do and stay true to yourself, that's really all you can do. Because no matter where you are or what you do life will never just be a dance on roses.