Anorexia plays with your mind. Anorexia plays with your friends and family. Anorexia plays with your body. Anorexia thinks this is a game about becoming as little as possible, hating yourself the most and being miserable 24/7. What a fun game!
Q:So how does Anorexia win the game? A:When it kills it`s gameparter also known as the host. Anorexia will never be satisfied with a second place. Anorexia is very competitive, sly and has the highest murder rate off all mental disorders.
Throughout my journey with this illness I have met a lot of sick patients with Anorexia. Some were smaller than me, some were bigger. Some had been struggling for over 10 years, other months. Some were more ill, some were less , but in the end - we all had the same disorder. The same way of thinking and our disorders had the same goal in mind.
Why did we begin to compete with each other? Anorexia patient A vs Anorexia Patient B. "Who has the strongest eds and the weakest minds? " Wow, that is impressing that you almost lost your life! Haha ...no. Thats not impressing at all. There will always be someone who is more afraid of butter than you or weighs some grams less, but that does not mean that your eating disorder is bad in its game. We all play different games and its important to remember that the rules in each game are different. Some might have genes that make their metabolism faster, some have genes that make them taller, some have parents that monitor every single bite and some have parents that work a lot . Just because the other patient with anorexia faits in the hallway does not make you less of an anorexic, its an other game with other struggles and other rules... but it still has the same predicted future -> Death(anorexia wins) or recovery (You win) .
You deserve recovery, no matter what age, weight, years with ed, amount of body fat, friends and symptoms. We all have to end at the same place no matter what, right? Either you recover or you die... You might just delay your recovery or death, but you still need to gain those pound to come to a healthy weight and fight those thoughts. Those pound and those symptoms needs to go away in the end in order for you to win the game... why delay it with competition with someone who is really on your own team and same position.
You can not be good at having anorexia. I have been told several times by therapists and doctors that I am " good at having anorexia" because I am a master of lying and manipulation... Really I am not good at anorexia... I am just good at lying.... that is not anorexia. In my game Anorexia steals my abilities and use it to get faster trough on the game board. Therefore I lost weight. Therefore I became more ill and closer to the games end(aka death).
Everyone will always deserve immediately recovery. I always thought that I will just lose a couple kgs more and then I will fight back. I will just faint one more time and get to hospital before I can start eating. I will just be the best anorexic in the world before I can recover and live life. I will just become skinny and then...The truth is that you will never be thin enough for your eating disorder... your eating disorder don`t really care about the bones sticking out nor the times you have been force fed. You eating disorder have your death in mind and tries to make you as miserable as possible while waiting for the end. You are really lucky if you don`t experience all of the symptoms, like lack of blood in your underpants or feeling cold. You might be lucky and be able to have children in the future after you have recovered and your bones might not break as easily when you grow old.
You can not turn before you become enough ill for you eating disorder, because then it will be to late. You will be buried under 7m of dirt before you can be ill enough for your ed. Do don't wait before you take your first step. Just do it. Jump into it. Everyones is different , but one thing that is true... none deserve hell. never. ( I can think of a couple of persons, like Hitler and Kim in north Korea, but I am sure you are not on that list)
Turn around as fast as possible. Its not worth it. The faster you recover the faster you will realise how stupid it is to wanting to be ill. I PROMISE YOU THAT THE WORST DAYS IN LIFE ARE BETTER THAT THE BEST DAYS IN ANOREXIA.