My mood did get better last night. I had a nice yoga session, afterwards I sat on my mat, turned on some meditation music and just breathed. A few tears fell and the tension slowly disappeared. When I came out of the room, feeling a bit better, the sauna was lit. A nice, warm sauna, lit candles and a loving atmosphere removed the last bit of tension in my body. I felt like a new woman!

Today is therefore a great day, we’re having a birthday celebration for my mom and everyone in my family will be gathered again. I can’t wait!

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Today I’ve had a bad day. Like Monday blues but on a Thursday.
It started out fine, I was very tired when I woke up but seeing my precious boy smiling at me helped a lot. We had our usual cuddles in bed where I half lay in bed and prop him up against my thighs in a sitting position. I talk, he smiles and tries to talk back, resulting in cute little bird sounds. Today like usual days, he poops. However today I see it flowing out of his diaper onto the comforter. Yuck! He had his first poonami. Oh well, shit happens (pun intended).

We start a load of laundry, eat breakfast and the day goes on. As the time passes my mood drops. Baby boy is refusing to eat, he feeds for a little while and then he starts screaming and does not want to eat anymore. Needless to say it’s frustrating because I want him to feed well. It’s probably a growth spurt or the fact that he’s had a cold with a cough the last couple of days. It still affects me though and I feel depressed.

This feeling is not new to me. Sometimes I get the blues and it’s really, really hard to snap out of it. I don’t know why I start to feel sad or low, maybe it’s boredom, restlessness or outside factors affecting me. Like the grey sky and the fact that the rain has been pouring down all freaking day. Maybe it’s a mix from all of it. I just don’t know.

So here I am, my brain is in chaos and dark for no reason and I have no idea why. That makes it so much harder to try to fix. This feeling comes back for a day or two every second to third month. It’s like it builds up and then it bursts. I get an antsy feeling, I feel stressed and I’m not pleasant to be around. I feel sorry for myself and I just wanna cry. FOR NO REASON!! I have a beautiful family, nice future plans and I’m healthy. At least physically. Clearly this is a mental and psychological problem.

Anyway, that’s it for today. Now I’m going to have a nice cry on my yoga mat, while trying to release some of this negative energy that has taken my brain hostage. Then I’m going to take a long, hot shower and cuddle with my sweet baby. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow.

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I was writing a long piece because of the shooting in Las Vegas last night but I decided to not rant. I feel absolutely devastated and heartbroken. The thought of losing my husband, my son or anyone close to me makes me tear up. I chose to not read the news very often because I have so much empathy and I easily put myself into others’ shoes. Somehow today I went online to read the news and was met by terrible news. Even though I’ve never met the victims or been apart of something terrible I cry for them and for the world.

Call me ignorant or selfish but to keep living a happy life, I will continue to not read the news. It is an active decision I make because when something like this happens, I get sucked in and I read every detail, look at pictures and I get a knot in my stomach. Instead I will keep spreading love, positivity and hugs around me and my husband will keep me updated about what’s going on around the world.

I sit here, with my two month old son sleeping on my chest and I’m totally in love with this little guy. I’m going to do everything I possible can to protect him from all the evil and raise him to become a kind, loving and caring individual. But I can’t and won’t stop him from living his own life. He’ll get to make his own decisions, travel wherever he wants to and spread his wings.

I love you so, so much my sweet little boy. I’ve always had so much love to give, I need daily hugs and kisses to stay happy and luckily I’m showered with it. But becoming a mom has deepened my love even more. Sometimes I want to squeeze him so hard because I love him so much.
Instead I hug my husband extra tight and feel gratitude for him being so sweet and amazing (although he also drives me completely crazy and annoys the sh*t out of me sometimes, but hey, that’s life isn’t it?).

So thank you universe for bringing him to Sweden and for crossing our paths. Because of that we have this adorable, perfect tiny human being sleeping on my chest and I couldn’t be happier.




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Becoming a mom is the most incredible thing I've ever done and I am forever grateful that I was able to conceive and carry a child. It's almost been a month since our son came into the world and I'm ready to share some of my experiences and thoughts.

1. Opinions and unwanted advice

People say a lot of things and have tons of opinions about everything regarding your baby; how to carry him, how to dress him, how to comfort him, when to feed him, when yo change his diaper and the list goes on. However it's your baby and you know your child best so trust your instinct and don't listen to everything people say. If you have concerns or questions - ask away! Ask your parents, your friends, your pediatrician- anyone whom you think may have the answers your looking for.

2. Breastfeeding hurts.

In the beginning your boobs and nipples aren't used to having a baby sucking on them all the time and they get sore. Your nipples become raw and can get little wounds on them. I cringed and tensed up A LOT in the beginning whenever he started sucking and I had my husband's hand to squeeze the sh*t out of before the initial pain was gone. This happened each feeding. I also don't have great nipples for breastfeeding and even though my little champ was searching and opening his mouth wide he just couldn't latch on, especially at nights. Needless to say it was really frustrating for both of us.

3. Use the available aids

Use the products available to make your life easier. Enter: nipple shields. I tried rubbing on breastmilk after each feeding and I also used Zoe Organics nipple cream but it just wasn't enough since the wounds were already there. The nipple shields literally saved my nipples, my husband's hands and the frustration of not being able to latch on. I started using them for each feeding, then I only used them at night and now I only use them when I can tell he can't latch on, which isn't very often anymore. But seriously! Use them if you need to, they were developed for a reason. A plus is that the wounds are gone as well!

4. Bleeding

You bleed after a delivery, whether it's a c-section or a vaginal delivery. Sometimes it can stop for days and then all of the sudden you have to rush to the bathroom because it starts all of the sudden again. It's normal, especially when you breastfeed since it's your uterus contracting and getting smaller to eventually get back to normal. Last week it happened during breastfeeding and I was like 'sh*t mom, take him I started bleeding' so I stopped mid feed to run to the bathroom. It's normal!

5. Pooping

Newborn babies can have trouble pooping and passing gas. That happened to our little guy and he was SO FRUSTRATED. He was pushing and pushing but nothing came out. Luckily there are solutions for that as well. We tried everything at home, swaying him, massaging him, rolling him on a Pilates ball, putting him on his stomach. It was so heartbreaking seeing him in pain! Now we give him drops for it and we give belly massages and I try to make him burp after each feeding even though he's stubborn and doesn't always burp no matter what our efforts. He is feeling so much better now though! It gets better so if your babe has a hard time passing gas, hang in there!

6. Stretch marks

I have been lucky because throughout the pregnancy I didn't get any stretch marks on my belly. I had one on my left boob but it wasn't anything visible and I felt so grateful. Then all of the sudden (or not so sudden since it was a planned c-section) our babe arrived and my boobs grew multiple sizes and I turned into Dolly Parton for a few days. As my boobs grew - so did the stretch marks. Now I've got several on each boob and I don't like them. I'm so glad I've got enough milk to feed him but I just didn't expect to get stretch marks! I know very few people will see them since I don't walk around with my boobs out so I shouldn't worry. However it will take some getting used to since I'm not used to them...working on it!

7. Your other half

Don't forget your husband/wife/partner. Give them love, kisses, cuddles and support as well! They are just as new to this little life as you are and they may have questions or are trying to figure out how to deal with your new family time. Don't stress about it! Share some hugs and kisses and just relax, I know I feel much better after a good cuddle sesh. Also don't forget to talk to each other about other things than the baby. It's important to remember and nurture your relationship and have adult conversations.

8. Relax

I know it may not be easy to relax when everything is new and you read into every little sign but honestly, having a relaxed approach has helped me tons. I've been wanting a baby for years and I was so ready for this little guy. I've always taken care of children through babysitting and having my niece and nephew around. I don't know everything but I knew the basics and honestly, the mother instinct kicks in as soon as your baby arrives.

9. Enjoy your little family

Remember to enjoy this moment of your life. Yes, it is tough and you will be exhausted. I have moments where I'm so tired but then I look at my sweet baby boy, I see his little smile (yes he's started smiling!!) and my heart melts. Remember to ask for help if you need it. I've had tremendous support from my husband and family and I can't thank them enough.


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It's been a little over 3 weeks since we became a family. I'm just head over heels in love with our son. I can stare at him forever and I just can't leave him alone. When he's asleep at night I can't help to kiss his precious face and inhale that amazing baby smell. Luckily he's a deep sleeper and won't wake up.
Some nights are rough because he eats every second hour and some nights he sleeps longer in between feedings. However, I don't mind waking up whatever time it is, at least not yet. I know it's only been about a month but I just get so filled with love and joy every time I get to hold him and feed him. I am so grateful that I'm able to breastfeed my baby and I get overwhelmed with love whenever I look at his beautiful face when he feeds.

Can you tell that I am seriously in love with our son? I just can't grasp that we have a baby and that we're a family. Yep, still in the baby bubble.

My body is slowly healing after the c-section and I still have pains on my right side of the scar. In certain movements it feels like someone stabs me on my right side and it's frustrating. I've started massaging it a bit with Earth Mama Angel baby's c-section salve to try to loosen up the scar tissue underneath.

I'm craving some yoga and I want to be able to move freely but I know it was a big operation and I should take it easy. My mind and my body wants two complete different things at the moment. My mom keeps telling me to rest and to take it easy but I get so restless. Today I cleaned the house because I thought it was dirty and maybe that wasn't so smart since it was a lot of bending over and some heavier lifts but I can't help it.

We go on walks almost every day to rehab a bit but sometimes I feel that I've pushed myself too far. Like I said, my brain wants to get back into regular exercise but my body isn't ready. I know how important it is to listen to my body but sometimes I struggle. I do need to work on listening to my body so for the rest of the day I'm just gonna enjoy the company of my little Viking and my husband.

Has anyone else struggled to take it easy after a surgery or is it just me?

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A week ago today we were at the hospital with a one day old baby. Our little nugget was delivered on last Wednesday and ever since then we've been high on life in our little baby bubble. He's just so perfect.

Words can't describe how much love I feel for him and how much gratitude I have for my husband whose been nothing but amazing. He's been hands on from the moment our little guy arrived which has been a huge part in my recovery process. I thank him everyday for everything he's done the last week.
I haven't felt any pressure or stress about having a newborn or not getting enough sleep because I've felt so supported by the people around me, my husband, my mother-in-law, my family, they've all been great.

As for the c-section, everything went fine and as I suspected the feelings I had before went away as soon as I heard our little nugget scream for the first time. The doctor even told me 'one c-section is like no c-section, you don't have to worry, you can deliver naturally next time.' I can't thank the medical team enough, they were on top of everything and made me feel so calm and cared for throughout the whole hospital stay.

My emotions have been all over the place which is normal due to hormones. Sometimes I just get really low and I cry for no reason and other times I feel on top of the world and nothing can stop me. Again, thank you husband for comforting me, showering me with love, kisses, cuddles and saying encouraging words. I really did pick a winner!

As I sit here writing this with my baby boy sleeping on my chest I still can't believe we have a baby. Our own perfect tiny human being to care for and shower with love. I couldn't be happier. Right in this moment everything is just perfect.

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