It's been a little over 3 weeks since we became a family. I'm just head over heels in love with our son. I can stare at him forever and I just can't leave him alone. When he's asleep at night I can't help to kiss his precious face and inhale that amazing baby smell. Luckily he's a deep sleeper and won't wake up.
Some nights are rough because he eats every second hour and some nights he sleeps longer in between feedings. However, I don't mind waking up whatever time it is, at least not yet. I know it's only been about a month but I just get so filled with love and joy every time I get to hold him and feed him. I am so grateful that I'm able to breastfeed my baby and I get overwhelmed with love whenever I look at his beautiful face when he feeds.

Can you tell that I am seriously in love with our son? I just can't grasp that we have a baby and that we're a family. Yep, still in the baby bubble.

My body is slowly healing after the c-section and I still have pains on my right side of the scar. In certain movements it feels like someone stabs me on my right side and it's frustrating. I've started massaging it a bit with Earth Mama Angel baby's c-section salve to try to loosen up the scar tissue underneath.

I'm craving some yoga and I want to be able to move freely but I know it was a big operation and I should take it easy. My mind and my body wants two complete different things at the moment. My mom keeps telling me to rest and to take it easy but I get so restless. Today I cleaned the house because I thought it was dirty and maybe that wasn't so smart since it was a lot of bending over and some heavier lifts but I can't help it.

We go on walks almost every day to rehab a bit but sometimes I feel that I've pushed myself too far. Like I said, my brain wants to get back into regular exercise but my body isn't ready. I know how important it is to listen to my body but sometimes I struggle. I do need to work on listening to my body so for the rest of the day I'm just gonna enjoy the company of my little Viking and my husband.

Has anyone else struggled to take it easy after a surgery or is it just me?

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A week ago today we were at the hospital with a one day old baby. Our little nugget was delivered on last Wednesday and ever since then we've been high on life in our little baby bubble. He's just so perfect.

Words can't describe how much love I feel for him and how much gratitude I have for my husband whose been nothing but amazing. He's been hands on from the moment our little guy arrived which has been a huge part in my recovery process. I thank him everyday for everything he's done the last week.
I haven't felt any pressure or stress about having a newborn or not getting enough sleep because I've felt so supported by the people around me, my husband, my mother-in-law, my family, they've all been great.

As for the c-section, everything went fine and as I suspected the feelings I had before went away as soon as I heard our little nugget scream for the first time. The doctor even told me 'one c-section is like no c-section, you don't have to worry, you can deliver naturally next time.' I can't thank the medical team enough, they were on top of everything and made me feel so calm and cared for throughout the whole hospital stay.

My emotions have been all over the place which is normal due to hormones. Sometimes I just get really low and I cry for no reason and other times I feel on top of the world and nothing can stop me. Again, thank you husband for comforting me, showering me with love, kisses, cuddles and saying encouraging words. I really did pick a winner!

As I sit here writing this with my baby boy sleeping on my chest I still can't believe we have a baby. Our own perfect tiny human being to care for and shower with love. I couldn't be happier. Right in this moment everything is just perfect.



It's almost a month later and it's time for an update. Our baby did not want to turn and even the doctor told us "You've got a little fighter in there. It's a really stubborn baby". Which we've known from the beginning. Anyhow, this leaves us with a planned c-section. I've had some time to get used to the idea of having to have a surgery to get this baby out and not get to experience it the natural way. I'm still struggling. A lot. The thought of having a c-section has not been on my mind for the last 9 months of growing this baby and then I only got a few weeks to get used to the idea. It's been really freaking hard. I know it has always been a possibility and some people choose to have a section to deliver their baby but my mind was SET on doing it the natural way. It feels like someone is playing a practical joke on me.

My husband has been so amazing since we found out. He's tried to distract me with games and walks on the beach, he's been comforting me when I've been down, wiped my tears off when I've been sad. He has just showered me with love, encouragement and positive thoughts. I can not thank him enough for being my rock throughout this, I know I've been extra sensitive about things. We've talked a lot and he's been able to say how he feels and vent his thoughts as well which is super important.

To be honest, I feel like a failure. How crazy is that? There is absolutely nothing I can do about the situation but still I blame myself. The fact that I can't do the most natural thing that women have been doing for centuries makes me so sad. I know "I'll get another chance" "I'll still get my baby" "it's just the first baby". Believe me, I've heard it all from people that have been trying to comfort me. I understand that and sometimes I do see some benefits with having a c-section, but those moments are rare.

Some days I've been fine with the idea, women go through c-sections every day around the world but some days I'm just sad. Sad that we know the date of our baby's arrival, sad that other people know the date of our baby's arrival, it's supposed to be a surprise and an excited waiting game and I get none of that. I feel stressed because people know the date and suddenly I feel that more is expected out of us. We're expected to send photos and to contact them after the baby is delivered and since they know the date they will be expecting updates rather than having a surprise sent to them. I want to just be wrapped up in our little baby bubble for a while before we NEED to contact anyone.

I get that people are excited, I AM excited too. After 9 months I am so ready to meet this baby. Natural way or not, we're ready to be parents and nothing will change that. Trust and everything will be okay. I think it's time for me to bring back my meditation so I can sort my thoughts out and only fill my mind with positive ones. So here's to planned c-section being a positive and wonderful thing!

Ps. THEY FOUND OUR LOST BAG!!! We received it last week and I am so freaking happy. All our things that we thought we'd never see again we got back. See - positive thinking and having a positive mind actually works! Time for some meditation time to get into the right mindset for the upcoming surgery and the journey to motherhood. Ds.



I've landed in Sweden and I've spent the last week organizing, clearing out old things, throwing things away, spending time with family and meeting my midwife for the first and second time. Now I can finally relax a bit and I've started crocheting while waiting for my husband to arrive (less than a week left now, yaaay!).

Or at least I thought I could relax. Turns out, our sweet little monster baby is a breech baby. I've been saying that the head is up towards my ribs because the baby always pushes itself up there and it's rock hard when it does. However, my brain didn't really register what it means, until my midwife agreed with me, that it actually lays in breech position. Obviously that is not ideal for the delivery.

Our baby has been stubborn from the moment it arrived, they've struggled at every ultrasound because it's been hiding, they've struggled to listen to the heartbeat because it's been moving around and again, been in hiding. It's been like that since the beginning so I'm not super surprised that our baby once again proves itself stubborn by laying in breech. It's been kinda sweet up until this point but now it's time for our baby to listen to mommy and daddy and turn itself around. We have an appointment scheduled for next week to try to turn the baby and if that doesn't work, it'll most likely be a planned c-section delivery. THAT was not something that had ever crossed my mind. I've been so prepared, and SO FREAKING READY to deliver this baby the natural way. I've been picturing it for months, working on my breathing and visualizing it in yoga classes and I've been really excited about the whole process. Now, I'm worried it may not happen. (Trust and everything will be okay).

I don't sleep well at night anymore, I'm twisting and I'm turning and I enjoy feeling our little one moving around all the time, day and night. My mind is filled with thoughts and the positive thoughts are in constant battle with the worried thoughts. What if it doesn't turn, what if the baby is hurt during the procedure, what if I don't get the natural delivery I've been craving. I know, the end result will be the same - we'll have our sweet baby soon enough. It's just the process of getting there that may have changed and it makes me sad and disappointed.

We'll just have to wait and see until after our appointment next week. Keep us in your thoughts and send us positive energy and vibes.



Since we are moving out of the UK after 4 years, I don't have to tell you that we have a lot of things here. Not so much furniture and interior things but clothes, shoes, jackets, computers, books etc. We have had visitors here and we have brought bags and luggage with us whenever we've travelled. However, there are still A LOT OF THINGS left. So we decided to pack a duffelbag with clothes, baby stuff, some shoes, books and things we wouldn't need until we arrive in Sweden. We chose to send it with Parcel2Go and everything went smooth with the collection from our house here in London.

However, it has since then vanished. The last update we got was the 18th of May, saying it arrived in Malmö. My mom got a text from PostNord, the Swedish mail company saying it would be delivered the 22nd of May but it never got delivered. It has now been almost a month in Sweden. We have talked to PostNord several times, we have bugged Parcel2Go endless amount of times and all we get is "we're investigating it" and "we are trying to reach the courier". A couple of days ago we got an email saying they can't find it. I mean seriously? How do you lose a big duffelbag?

I've kept repeating "it will show up, trust the process" to myself and my inner mantra of "Trust and everything will be okay". It used to help because honestly, these are just material things. I still have a wonderful family and friends, I have my amazing husband and our baby growing in my belly. We have a roof over our heads, we have money and food. I mean I can live without that bag. But as the time passes and I realize it may never show up, I fall back into negative thinking patterns. A part of me is okay with the situation since there is nothing we can do but keep bugging both sides, the other part of me think this completely SUCKS. Because do you know what? I had a lot of things in there that I love.

My yoga mat and pretty much all my yoga gear, I packed my two amazing Aimn pants (one pair I got at my Bachelorette party), my favorite two Teeki yoga pants at least 3 pair of Lululemon pants (which are NOT cheap) and I'm going to miss all of this SO MUCH. The bag also contained our cute little onesies and the only baby clothes we've bought for our baby, organic baby wipes and stainless steel bottles for future feedings. Along with that we packed some gifts from friends, some organic skincare, my husband's leather shoes, my winter jacket, parenting books and so many other things. This means we have to start all over with buying baby things and we can only hope we will be properly reimbursed for this. We did buy insurance for the bag but the questions is, how much will they actually reimburse us? I've been doing some research and apparently Parcel2Go won't compensate a lot. We'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Please, please send us positive thoughts and maybe the bag will show up after all. Trust and everything will be okay. I truly believe it still will show up at some point, it can't just be lost when they have the collection and delivery address. However, in the meantime, feel free to donate some Lululemon and organic baby clothes to us ;)



Motherhood. Becoming a mom. Taking care and loving someone unconditionally for the rest of your life. It is a huge step to take in life. Pregnancy is a wonderful, amazing, worrisome, daunting and sometimes horrible journey.

From the moment you find out that you're pregnant, you start to always have that little devil on your shoulder telling you to constantly worry. In the beginning you're worried about miscarriages, then you're worried about growth, potential conditions and diseases that your baby may or may not have. You worry about pains you may be feeling.

Then there's the unwanted belly rub. I'm sorry, but I've had complete strangers at work come up to me to rub my belly. Umm hello?! Do you want me to rub your belly? I wonder, what makes it okay for someone to, without asking for permission I may add, touch a pregnant woman's belly? I love my little bump and I usually don't mind if friends and family want to have a feel, but it is special. I don't want everybody to come touch me and invade my personal space. No thank you.

Moving forward you worry if you're baby is not moving enough, not kicking around as much as usual. You also worry about your belly/baby not growing enough (especially for me, throughout my whole pregnancy, the standard comments have been "Wow, you're tiny!" "You're so small" "You sure you're eating enough?" and "what?! You're 8 months pregnant?!") YES. Leave me, my baby and my bump alone. I've never been a big person, I've always been active and I still am. Obviously if the doctor was concerned I'd be, but they're not so why does everyone else feel the need to comment on how tiny I am?

I am now in week 34 and I still feel great. Minor back pains every now and then but other than that (knock on wood) I'm loving this part of pregnancy. People say the 3rd trimester can be a pain to go through because you get heavier, potentially swell up, you may get contractions etc I must say though, I love getting the punches, kicks and having my little baby try to brake out of my skin. It means I'm growing a human being. An actual human being inside of me. It is such a rush!

Yes, there are downsides with pregnancies, I had bad morning sickness and nausea for 2 months and there have been times I've been really worried but hey, I've made it this far. I went for a check-up today and my blood pressure was a bit high and of course, the doctor said "you're so small" (insert rolling-eyes emoji) but he checked my weight and I've gained kilos so he said it's probably because I'm tall and slender and told me not to worry too much. However he wanted me to go for a check-up next week again due to my BP being high, the baby being small and he mentioned preeclampsia. So of course, my brain was like "Crap, crap, crap!" and turned into chaos. The reason being because I'm moving back to Sweden on Monday and I don't have an appointment until the following week. Now I'm gonna have to do my best to get one for next week since I'll be too stressed out just thinking about what can go wrong. As long as I make it to Sweden on Monday, I'll be fine. I'll be home and if anything happens, I trust our healthcare to take care of me and our baby.

Thanks to reading "You are a BADASS" and doing weekly meditation though, I believe in the power of positive thinking. One sentence I keep repeating to myself is "Trust, and everything will be okay". Because it is all out of my hands anyways.

As long as I make it to Sweden on Monday, I'll be fine. I'll be home and if anything happens, I trust our healthcare to take care of me and our baby.

See, isn't it fun being pregnant?

Just kidding. There have been tough times but I have loved almost every day of growing this tiny human being inside of me. Can't wait to meet our little nugget next month.