I honestly don't think I've ever loved anyone, until I met you. You added value to my life. You were understanding, You give me these fucking feelings in my stomach that make me giddy and you put this smile on my face that I will never be able to explain. I don't know what love is, but the feeling that I get from just hearing your voice, just the feelings I feel for are too strong to call anything else but love. I would say all of these words to you but words don't come out with my voice as they do when I write them out for you. I'm truly falling for you, and it's so fucking scary.
I've always been scared to love someone, to fall for someone because of the fear of that person not being there to catch me, but you. I don't really know honestly. You've told me that I have changed, you've changed me to. You hold my heart in your hands, you hold my happiness, and always will. I believe in us, and I believe in our love.
~October 5, 2016 ~
Okay, so this feels familiar to last time I was doing this. Expressing how I feel.
It's fucking crazy how everything is different now. It kinda really hurts, but shit happens. Honestly, I don't know how to go on about this so easily, You told me things were different with me, but now you're treating me like you would be treated from your past relationships. I don't honestly know why Im taking this so hard. I can usually be like, "It's okay", I'm okay. God knows what he is doing, it's up to faith. I've never felt so hurt, nothing has felt this way. I hate that I'm still crying over this. We weren't even completely together when you ended everything. It also sucks that I gave you a second chance, but you couldn't give me one. I'm not writing this to guilt you, and make you take me back. I'm doing this because it's eating me alive. I keep having to catch myself before crying, and I don't like being weak and vulnerable. This is the worst feeling. It just gets worse and worse, because it seems like it's only me hurting. You're perfectly fine, but as horrible as this might sound, I hope you're in as much misery as I am. It fucking amazes me how much emotions you have made me feel. It's scary how much control you have over me without even knowing, I guess that's why I've always been paranoid and scared. I'm pretty much fucked now. That's probably why I'm acting completely different with you. I can't be me, Because I don't know who I am anymore. I get this rush of anger, then it transforms into sadness, then suddenly I don't feel anything, I'm numb. But it only lasts for a little bit and then suddenly I'm back to the beginning because something reminds me of you. Despite all of this, I would still give you another chance even when I don't believe in more than one chance. Against what everyone else tells me. Because I still love you.
~October 10, 2016~
Gosh I fucking hate you. Honestly I should. I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm annoying I know, and it's clear that you want nothing to do with me anymore. It's cool(not really) but I'm sending this so that I can feel better, because damn it. I'm here again crying over someone who's not mine anymore. It makes me feel like a complete idiot because you honestly do not deserve my tears. I don't know what I did, but I feel like I have an idea. Just to let me have a clue, you're still the only women I want to talk to 24/7. Because you're the woman I love, the woman I fell for. It completely sucks that you don't want me anymore, and I'm learning to deal with that. I've tried erasing you out my mind, and that's not really working out. Because you are all my mind stays stuck on, like a broken record. Unfortunately for my broken heart, it's completely yours, each and every single broken piece of it, is yours.
~October 15, 2016~
I'm just going to stop pretending, we're not good for each other. You were right. We only fight over the same shit and it's tiring. Im tired of fighting, and being accused of shit I couldn't control. I give up, but a voice in my head keeps making me crawl back to you. I hope you get everything you've been working hard for, and I hope you find a man who loves you as much as I did. I wish you the best in everything. I hope you find the right man. A man who loves to dance, a man who would drop everything for you and attend to your every needs. These words all seem so familiar. Even if you don't believe it, you deserve it. I wish you the best in everything. I love you, but it's not enough for me to stay even as a friend. I'm not going to apologize for this, because there is no reason to. You'll be fine, and so will I.
God Bless you. Good Bye. x.