Most scams, such as sub-prime mortgages and email scams, victimize adults. But custody scams victimize children. When government fails to protect children it throws open the doors to private contractors—lawyers and clinicians—who enrich themselves at the expense of children. (More about this child and the mother who tried to protect her appears below.)

Friday, March 18, 2011

The tactics and ploys of psychopath aggressors in the family law system

This important article was posted here:

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011 by Charles Pragnell

In the twenty years I have been advising parents, children, and their legal advisers in several hundred cases in Family Law matters, I have often been asked, “Why is it that children are so often ordered to have contact with, and even into the custody of, parents who have abused them and have perpetrated violence against their partners.”

The answer to this question is not simple and involves an examination of the requirements of Family Laws which stress the importance of children having both parents in their lives after parental separation, the dynamics of legal processes, and the often very clear gender biases of the principals involved in judicial processes.

But one of the most outstanding and consistent features of proceedings involving the care of children post-separation are the conduct and behaviours which can be identified as clearly fitting the definitions of psychopathy/sociopathy.

The major personality traits of the psychopath are supremacy and narcissism. The afflicted individual must be in complete control of their environment and all persons who are a part of that environment or can serve the psychopath’s purposes in maintaining control.

The psychopath is capable of using both aggressive anger and passive anger with cunning and guile, to achieve their goals of exerting control. Examples of such contrary behaviours are the aggressive violence against intimate partners, with the frequent inherent abuse of children, designed to groom friends, relatives, and professionals into believing they are harmless and indeed very stable and friendly. If thwarted in attaining these goals, however, the passive can quickly turn into the aggressive.

In furtherance of these traits, the major tactics and ploys of the psychopath are:

1. denial of wrongdoings in the face of clear evidence;

2. refusal to take responsibility for behaviours and actions;

3. minimisation of the incident and consequences;

4. blame being placed on others;

5. misrepresentation, fabrication, embellishment and distortion of information and evidence;

6. minimisation of all information and evidence regarding wrongdoing;

7. claims of victim status, alleging the victim was the aggressor;

8. projection of their own actions and behaviour onto the victim; e.g. she abuses/neglects the children/ she is an alcoholic or drug abuser. This is based on the belief by the psychopath that attack is the best form of defence.

The grooming of friends, relatives, and professionals is very clear in many cases, and in particular some psychiatrists, psychologists and family evaluators/reporters have been hoodwinked by such tactics and ploys by the psychopathic individual. Their reports, of course favouring the psychopath, have very considerable influence on the Courts and their determinations. Very often clear evidence of intimate partner violence such as convictions, Domestic Violence Orders, Apprehended Violence Orders and Restraining Orders against the psychopathic aggressor and medical evidence of injuries suffered by the adult and child victims are ignored or dismissed as irrelevant by such professionals.

Such professionals now refer to such cases as `high conflict’ cases, when it is clear that they are situations of a violent aggressor/tormentor/persecutor and their victims. It is easy to see how the cases in Austria and America where young girls were imprisoned for many years by controlling individuals and regularly abused in several ways were undetected, when the aggressors/persecutors/tormentors were able to convince their family members, relatives and associates that they were reasonable, normal people. The same often occurs in other cases of violence and murder where neighbours report that the accused murderer is a nice and friendly neighbour. They do not recognise the Jekyll and Hyde aspects of the psychopath’s ploys and tactics and of those they have effectively groomed in their beliefs.

The high conflict which usually occurs in such cases is most commonly engendered by the respective lawyers, conditioned by operating in an adversarial process and arena, whose own major goal is to ‘win’, whatever may be the justness and fairness of the result.

It is not difficult to see, therefore, how the psychopath is able to readily gain the sympathy and support of some of the professionals engaged in the Family Law system and for them to abandon and forfeit their professional objectivity and impartiality in such circumstances. In blaming others the psychopath will allege the former partner is mentally ill and in some cases the former partner may be suffering a Complex Post Traumatic Disorder after suffering years of physical, mental, and sexual abuse and violence. This is often misinterpreted and misdiagnosed as a Borderline Personality Disorder or similar psychiatric term. In effect it is a classic ‘blame the victim’ scenario.

The groomed professionals then enable the psychopath to achieve their primary objective, which is to maintain power and control over their victims, their former partner and children. It is an act of vengeance and spite but mostly it is to maintain the power and control and feelings of supremacism and narcissism. “I am faultless and flawless and in control of my whole environment” are the unvoiced cravings of the psychopath, and “I can continue to inflict my tortures on my victims with impunity” are the psychopath’s continuing behaviours.

The Family Law and their shared parenting provisions and its administration by the Family Courts have become ready enablers for the psychopath.



Divorcing a Narcissist?

Harness the illness to move you toward settlement.
(with selected pages from Surviving the Storm)

You may have thought that living with your troubled spouse was hard. But now that you’ve reached the point of divorce, you probably already know that this can be ever harder. Narcissistic behavior can be labeled as borderline, sociopathic, narcissistic, or just intolerable, but it all derives from one fundamental driving force: narcissists can’t tolerate criticism, especially public criticism. And divorcing them is about them most direct and public criticism you can make. You’ll know you’re there when your soon-to-be ex spouse begins a campaign of destruction against you. And if you don’t know how to respond and deal with it, it can take a terrible toll.

With all the different ways that people characterize narcissism, you'd think you should be facing a crying toddler or a dapper dandy polishing his nail on his jacket. But the truth is that narcissists don't love themselves, and they're not toddlers disguised as adults. All narcissists are driven by a pathological, irrational terror that others will find fault with them. This leads to irrational and baffling behaviors. A father who never wanted anything to do with his children suddenly demands sole custody. A wife who's raging and irrational demands have been unbearable will suddenly decry her husband as unstable and abusive. A spouse who was never home demands to keep the house, and it goes on.

If you've reach the point of divorce, or you're close, you're probably already reached a point where your spouse feels faulted just from your presence. Of course it's irrational; it's a mental disorder causing it. Narcissists seem unable to heal the psychological injury they feel when make mistakes or when they're criticized, and these wounds fester and linger. After years together, the cumulation of experiences with you adds up to so much discomfort that your spouse may be constantly angry and accusative with you. This is part of the unstoppable deterioration that most of us experience in a relationship with a narcissist.

But divorce is a step even beyond this: a public and highly visible statement that your spouse is not fit to be with. The public visibility of this is intolerable to narcissists, and they're disordered minds resort to drastic and hurtful responses to counter the accusation, and to fight for a settlement which makes the narcissist look virtuous and you look like the cause of all problems.

Once you understand this dynamic, you can start to pick your way through this minefield. This is where Surviving the Storm can help. In it, I lay out the psychological drivers you're facing and explain how your choices and settlement demands interact. If you approach divorcing a narcissist like a calm business negotionation, chances are you'll be pulverized. Surviving the Storm can help you make decisions that minimize the upset to your disordered spouse and maximize the possibility of getting a fair settlement in a reasonable time. There are no magic bullets, as you already know, but you can avoid pouring gasoline on what is already a blazing fire.