when you go through a breakup you always wanna keep searching through their social media.. to see what they're doing. who they're with and blah blah ...
and as hard as it is you don't prepare yourself enough for whatever you're gonna find.
you just wanna know so badly; but it doesn't get you anywhere good.
it's so hard not to though; I understand.
but it does get easier. I'm on day 4 of not checking a single thing of his. DAY FOUR! I feel so proud of myself. my goal is a week though so I have to get to a week; then I'll set a higher goal and so on and so on.. I do have the urge to check.. but I fight through it because I know that it will do no good for me... so I just keep fighting through.
don't give up.

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the realest thing I have been told .. the biggest eye opener I've received.

and the answer is NO. I will not give him the power to destroy me again. I will not let him have that hold over my heart. I will fight through this pain. I will overcome this heartbreak. I will lose him from my mind. I will wake up and I will be okay. it may be awhile. I may not be for days.. weeks.. or months.. but one day I will wake up and my attachment to him will be Gone. My heart will feel better. I will not breakdown 20 times in my day. I will feel better. I will be okay. everyday I pray to wake up feeling better than before. every single day.

one day I will wake up without a heavy heart and unbearable secret begging in my brain for you to come back.
one day I will not miss you as much as I do now.
one day I will not feel so much hate and anger and sadness from you.
one day I will move on.
one day I will be loved the same way that I love.
one day I will stop begging god to heal me, because I will be healed.
one day.
just one day.
one day at a time.

one day you will miss me.
I pray when and if that day comes it hurts like hell.
  🖕

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"She's proof that you can walk through hell and still be an angel" ..

only because I fight. . I fight through these days and feelings of constant sadness; Anger; Regret and Hate.
as I lay here 3:30 am .. Wondering all about him.. is he sleeping? is he alone? is he with his new girl? why isn't it me? what's wrong with me? why wasn't I enough? why did he leave? why did he get tired of me? why ..  why .. why .. I can feel my heart breaking inside my chest. my mind racing and racing and me not knowing how to make all of it stop.. But begging to God that he will. because it's to much to bare now. and I'm getting sick of living with pain in my heart and a stomache so turned I can barely eat. How do I get through it? I don't. I keep walking through hell and I try to remain an angel .. I keep fighting. no matter how hard it is and how bad I breakdown ..

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Here's the thing;
Everyone will warn you about your first heartbreak how badly it's gonna hurt. how hard it will be and blah blah blah..
What people don't do, Is warn you about your SECOND heartbreak. When they should.
Because the truth is. your second is a lot worse than the first. hell of a lot harder to get through.. Harder to understand why. harder in every single aspect. It hurts a hell of a lot worse too if you ask me.
see, When your little and you plan out the kind of love you want in your life and what you think love is or should be, you don't expect the hurt to come along with it. Hell,  Half the time when your older you don't expect the hurt to come along with it either.. But when your older and you've already healed from you first heartbreak and you've already got a better understanding of what love really is and really should be.. And you already have this cage around your heart so it cannot get broken again.. It takes everything to let someone have that key. as badly as you wanna be loved you don't want the pain that comes with it much more.. because truly honestly having a broken heart. feeling so destroyed. betrayed.. Dissapointed in not only who broke you; But yourself... is hell on earth.
Your second heartbreak will always be worse than the first.. but see.. I wonder if each one is worse... or if you get so destroyed that you can't even let someone in again. 🤔

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