In the aftermath of a trauma, the human body has one amazing instinct, survival. Even when it appears as though nothing's happening, white blood cells spring to life to fight infection, tissue repairs itself, and the heart keeps beating. Emotional scars can be more difficult to heal, but we do our best by renewing old friendships creating joyful moments or trying new things. To make us feel like we're doing something, even if we feel helpless. But through it all, as long as our hearts keep beating we survive.
This past year has been a real roller-coaster. There’s been a lot of pain, tears and screams. But between those bad moments I’ve experienced happiness, love and laughter. I have had days when I couldn’t get out of bed and nights I never got into it. I’ve learned so much about the people around me, how some people are just not worth your time and how others are friends I will cherish and love forever. I've learned so much about myself, and that it's okay to say that I'm sad one day and happy another. That it's okay to share your feelings, because we all have them.
I'm looking back at the time I spent in Barcelona and the only thing i can do is smile because it happened or cry because it ended to early, I'm looking ahead at my life and I can only do the same, smile because I can make the best of it or cry because of endless hours in a hospital bed awaits. But no matter what i do or think, everything always comes back to March 20th 2016, the day that could've been so good but ended up being so bad for 56 people, their friends and family. And even worse for the families of 13 beautiful girls who lost their lives. Today I quietly lit a candle for them, and said a prayer. Because I'm lost for words when thinking about it.
But one day it'll get better, they promised me that.