About a half a year ago, my best friend committed suicide.
I never knew why she did it. She never left a note, never gave anyone a call. She just did. It has always made me think, why would you ever want to leave those who love you? I think I have finally found my answer; maybe not to the full reason why she did it, but maybe the general feelings most of them have. In my opinion, people have suicidal thoughts to try and see what makes the pain easier or go away faster. It's a permanent "solution" to a temporary problem. Believe me, she knew what she was doing, my little angel. She was smart, independant, beautiful, and stubborn. I don't think she understood the reality of it. The reality of having to look at your loved ones grieve. Having to wonder what your future would have been. Never being able to experience the new beginnings and endings of certain points in her life. Therefore, she chose this path for her. I do believe there are greater things beyond physical living. Just maybe she is living the experiences that she would never be able to do here, now. Maybe even better. She has no hurt, no bullies, and most importantly she is finally happy. Her being happy is all I wanted for her. Through everything she has gone through, she deserves every last bit of happiness. As I miss her dearly, she will always be a part of me.
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When the person you care about and loves says they want to be loved, needed, and wanted, but don't realize you try your best to make that person feel like they are wanted. When you want to wrap them up, kiss them, and make them feel even more wanted and hold their hand through any struggle; they still don't realize how loved and needed they are by YOU
. Maybe one day they'll realize how much you appreciate and need them. Maybe they'll need you and make you feel loved, needed and wanted too. You can only hope though, right?
To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for out little to big infinity. Do those words mean anything anymore? All the lying, manipulating, taking advantage of, and cheating is ridiculous. The fact that you believed every single one of those lies and broken promises makes me sick. Even though you want all of those to be true, will they ever be? I don't necessarily think so. Maybe in some kind of dream or fictional novel. For how badly you want to get back together with him, you need to think realistically and realize fact over fiction. Find a good reason why you should be together and take it from there. Just remember things might not change. Or people might not change for the better.♥ always,
Has someone ever asked you how you feel? Of course they have. They don't REALLY care how you feel or how you are doing. They just ask you because it's common courtesy.
Finding those good morning and good night texts would make anyone's day. It's what you look forward to when you wake up each morning and before you go to bed each night. It shows the person you love the most you're thinking about them when you wake up and before you go to bed. Vise Versa. It's what you get when you're in a relationship. When you're single it's different. And it feels weird because you wake up and go to sleep thinking about the person you have a crush on but don't want to feel like an idiot for texting them every morning and every night wondering if they like you back. Sometimes taking a risk can be a good or bad thing. I guess a crush really does sometimes crush your heart. You have to sometimes let your heart be crushed or broken a couple times to find that one crush who won't crush your heart or your dreams. You'll find them one day. Don't rush it.♥ always,
When you love someone and can picture your entire life with them... You're IN
love. Picturing your engagement, your wedding, your honeymoon, your house, your kids... your life together until the day you die and take your last breath. Imagining the flashbacks you want to have and memories you want to take with you when you on the miraculous journey you both are taking. It's magical what love is like. Almost too good to be true. I really do love him. Could our love be too good to be true? No... You're all that I want and I won't let go until I have you.♥ always,
I woke up the other day, starring at my ceiling fan, and all I could think about if sleeping was just like how you are if you were dead. I wondered if it was just as peaceful. Like a weight was being lifted off your shoulders and you had no worries at all in the world. As I was laying there, I thought to myself, I wonder if this is how every person I've known who has died felt. Wondering if they found happiness out of all the hurt and pain this world causes. How they don't have to go to bed worrying about how people will judge them the next day. Or how it feels to dread waking up in the morning and faking that smile on your face. To me and my belief, I think it does. I think the dead wake up and find happiness. I think the dead have nothing to worry about. No responsibility. No judgement. Nothing. It must seem pretty great. They don't have to fake a smile every time they walk through their little ghost town. They're just happy campers out of it all. Maybe it's heaven and not a living hell like it is here. But I still wake up to this day and wonder if there's a little something more to live for than this. And I feel a little closer to it everyday. Why not stick around a find out what it really is right?
For Fiona.♥ always, Kaitlin
People wonder why I'm so negative about things.. I believe, it's because people tend to degrade me, to bring me to my ultimate low, or even lead me to believe I can trust them and use everything to bring me to my knees and I'm just getting sick of it. I feel alone. I don't know who to turn to anymore. I don't know who to trust. I wish someone would understand for once that we're all human. We all have feelings. And that one hurtful thing you say to someone can change their life in a heart beat. I know I am strong, but tend to get weak sometimes. I know I can move forward, but how can you when you have so many people against you? I tell myself everyday to keep a smile on my face, just so people believe I'm happy. Can someone be on my side for once?
When life seemed so simple. There were no problems, no arguments, no drama. Just both of us living happy, simple lives. When we would never fight. When we could sleep at night. Before I knew you flirted with her, dreamed about her.. Before I knew you were sleeping with her... It all seemed so simple. It's as if simplicity was before we knew what we were doing or before we even knew each other. Thinking about situations and trying to sit there and figure them out makes life less simple and 20 times more complicated. Can we ever go back to that so called "simple life"?