Hello everybody, good morning from me and probably good day for you...
Today is day of essays, the last one that needs to be done before I leave for America and even though it is only 1000 words and a 'blog post' aka. not a proper essay I seem to have such a hump to get over to even manage to start it. I am desperately trying to pump myself up with the knowledge of it being the last thing that has to be done before I can start thinking of nothing else but cleaning and packing and getting ready for vacay! (Got a bit motivated now but I am going to use that motivation to write this blog post instead hehe... You are so very welcome!)
I actually felt very inspired to share a bit of my emotional journey today, with emotional I do not mean how I have been feeling today but rather my own personal and emotional growth that I have noticed these past months. I think it is amazing to be able to notice such things and to look back and reflect. Right? Let's start with some background information.
The year is 2012. This was the year that I came back to Finland in July after a year in America that changed me in ways I cannot even begin to explain, it was simply amazing and one of the best years in my life. So naturally coming back to Finland was a bit of a drag, I did not handle it as well as I could have or I think I didn't know that I would have such a hard time readjusting to Finland as I did. Anyways anybody that knew me that year or the year after knew that my plan was to, when I had chance, leave Finland to go back abroad and reclaim that person that I was in America and so I did. After graduating and working for a bit I set off to Australia, now Australia did not work out for me I kind of fell head first and did not know how to get up again. It was a short visit but the first time a return to Finland seemed like the best thing in the world.
Australia did not scare me straight or kill my enthusiasm to leave Finland to reinvent myself, I still thought that Finland was too small, too narrow, too black&white for me to be able to ever live there full-time and feel content. So I headed to Ireland for college. Well this is where it takes a turn. Where I feel my own personal growth started and where I felt I grew up a bit.
(Take a break from reading, sip some coffee and listen to this. A piano is one of the most beautiful instruments if you ask me)
So back to Ireland, I cannot pin point an exact point in time that this change took place and perhaps it slowly did but sometime last year, when 2015 became 2016, I started realising how important Finland is to me. Do not get me wrong it has always been important because of family and friends but always seemed as a place I go back to for holidays and the summer months, never a place I thought I would want to call home base as an adult.
In Ireland I have always felt older than I did in Finland before I left, perhaps because most of the people I study with are 2-3 years younger than me and with different goals in life which is by no means a negative thing just a thing that differs us. I also realise that studying is not something I particularly like, I do not mind writing essays and I find some things very interesting to hear of or read about but I do not like a students life, I would rather work full time and read on the side to learn these things. That is my personal opinion and how I feel of studying as a whole, I like working and I would rather do that and I am very much aware that it probably stems from working full time for almost a year before I started studying.
All of these previously mentioned things in Ireland have altered me, my way of thinking and my plans for the future. This fall and now the beginning of this year has been occupied by thoughts of the future and which (to my amazement) for the first time since 2012 are set in a Nordic environment. It is not all due to Ireland and my dislike of being here but also changing situations in Finland; my niece and nephew that I miss seeing growing up, my best friends little baby, my friends establishing there lives and goals there. This past year my ties to Finland have grown even more and become even more permanent, I no longer dream of a luxurious apartment on the upper east side and busy NYC life actually I do but not as my permanent base.
I, Lina Lindqvist, for the first time since before America, before adulthood, before I even thought of the future, have a longing and a dream of establishing my home base in the Nordics close to family and friends and living in a system that fully functions and works.
I realise my friends and family might not think of this as being a big thing I have been boasting my love for Finland a lot lately, but it hasn't always been like that and I ,up until just over a year ago, thought that maybe when I am old and wrinkly I might want to establish a base in the Nordic but never before that... How things have changed. I would also like to add that to me this is a happy occasion, a happy and mature thought that I am so glad that I have reached. I finally feel as if I have a slight heading of what I would like to do or even be in the future. I feel very content with realising this and with also being able to analyse it and understand it fully.
I don't know if this is a coming out letter to the world "Yes world it is true, I am Nordic and I love it" or if I needed to write these words and formulate these thoughts for myself to understand what I want. In any way I am happy, content and looking forward to my future whatever it may hold. (as long as it is away from Ireland hehe...) (jk jk)
Ps. On top of all of this thought of the future and where to live I have gotten very into homes, houses and decoration lately which is a very new thing for me as it has not really interested me before. Here too the Scandinavian foresty look and wooden houses are filling my Pinterest. The future looks exciting children!