Yh I might have been a suicidal
But the only thing you can call me is survival
Cuz I survived this worldly test
And came out with results that are the best
I am one of those dead souls who were screaming
Screaming so heavy that I almost stopped breathing
Screaming for somebody to come and help
Screaming for a hand to lend
I already knew that I was alone but they made me feel lonely
So lonely that I was unwanted by everybody
But that was a lie
Though it was I who convinced that to myself, I wouldn't let anybody get close to I
I want my words to be heard, by those who can't to it on their own
Who have a broken heart and broken bones
Who always feel so alone
Who are looking for a friend
Who might be loyal and faithful and makes it all end
Cuz I wanna help them through
Whatever they're going through
And I know that youre thinking, like what if I just want to die?"
Note that not all of us have that opportunity to choose life.
Plus I will be sad and disappointed at you for leaving
And that you cheated yourself out of your chance at existence.
Cuz this world need people like you
Brave and wholehearted like you
I know that I might have never been in your shoes
But I know how it feels to lose
Baby I know how it is, I know how it makes you feel
& If you ever need a friend, I'm always here
I'm definitely not like them, cuz I know they're all bad
The only thing they do is hurt, betray and make you sad
I know it cuz I've been there before
I used to self harm like crazy like one two four
And there was no one who would stop me
All that they did was call me an attention whore
well of course I needed attention
But the attention I needed was one without any expectation
And the one's I thought would never betray stabbed my back
Like one pushing my desk at the back of the class
Another one bringing a whole fucking crew on me
And I would go home like nothing has ever happened to me
What do you know about getting physically abusive on my way home
No one noticed, no one saw cuz I was all alone
What do you know about them times coming home late?
Cuz I got stuck somewhere in the 'subway'
What do you know about getting dead threats late at night?
Going outside to breathe in fresh air in hope that everything one day will be alright
But then I see some of them who really messed with me all these times
And then I go and hide, it feels like we're playing some kind of seek&hide
But in the real sense it's between life & death
What do you know about inhaling smoke and exhaling the air that is fresh
Like at the same time wishing I would for once fly
Fly so high up to the sky
What do you know about me skipping classes to avoid all the faces?
What do you know about having the feeling of all the teachers hating ya?
What do you know about eating in front of everyone to avoid questions
But then I run and throw it all up in the toilet
What do you know about them scars that bury deep within my wrists
Uh of course nothing cuz I always wear long sleeves
Who really took me serious when I decided to chase death?
I could feel it, I was almost everyday losing my breath
What do you know about shutting out people that mean more than anything
Cuz of this stupid bad conscience saying that nobody can ever love a sad girl like me
Now go ahead and call me anything you want
But don't you dare call me weak for I'm not
I wasn't just a little stupid teenage
Since my existence was an act of courage
I was living my life, wasting my time
With innocent kids just like me trying to end our lives
But then I realized what I had left, like nature, art & poetry
And if that ain't enough then what is?
They say confidence comes from who you believe you are
I believe I'm a successful person who's going to go very far
And about my scars, nah man I'm not ashamed
Cuz they don't show who I am but only where I've been
I won't lie, i was living in hell
People would look down on me but all that I was hiding nobody could tell
Nightmares here & there, but I'm happy they're slowing down now
Even psychologists didn't believe a word I said, yes they used to doubt
Like do you guys really think that a person with depression
Who's between 4 falls with a strange who has a book & a pen
Wouldn't feel nervous?, uh if you really cared
You wouldn't sit there asking dumb questions over & over again
I didn't say much, cuz every time I looked at anything
I felt like they shrank away from me
Not one single person has crossed my life
That wanted nothing but good for me
Lately I've been shouting at everyone & everything
That pisses me off the least
Love, love, love was all I wanted
But hate, hate, hate was all I expanded
Come on let's keep this real, haven't you ever felt lonely?
And the people you trusted the most have abandoned you
Haven't you ever wanted a hug and somebody to depend on at all times?
But you never find one. Dear homie this is life this is true
We living in a cold world, don't depend on anyone but your family
Your mother gave birth to you, she cares. Really.
(Still not finished yet, but I'm working on it. Just felt like sharing this with y'all).
Yh I might have been a suicidal