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I wish that I could write about all the madness that are going on in my life because it's for sure some insane stories... I love it though it's a good kinda madness!

What else ? It's not exactly something new that I'm in love with an asshole, I don't know why? We have this hate love kinda thing, we get on each other nerves but still we can't seem to stay away from each other.

It's a passion that I'm afraid that I won't find in anyone else... he's a pice of shit and I try to tell myself that he's not even good looking but as soon as I see him GOSH nothing else matters.

The fact that he told me " I don't give a fuck anymore " now in this moment when I'm writing this just makes me laugh because I know that he will come back. I think he has ADHD or maybe he's just bipolar or it's a gypsy thing? He's half gypsy just like me so I think a part of the mood swings come from that haha.


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Linnea don't do that you'll get sick they say while they take shelter form the rain.

There is something so magical about the rain here in Portugal, I'm kinda obsessed with it. When you're walking home from a night club why not just enjoy it ? It's weird but it always makes me feel more alive and free.


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Exposeing myself.

Being like everyone else would be boring.

Trying to be someone else in order to fit in that's even worse.

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So as you guys may have seen on instagram I'm a part of a new project here in Lisbon. It's a party called Lisboa atrevida in Main. It's an offer that I couldn't say no to because it means that I'll meet a lot of new people which I really enjoy and new contacts are always good! So instead of loosing money when I go out I actually make some by partying. So now you understand my spamming about it on instagram( sorry for that).

However I was out the other night and the beginning of the night was really cool just hanging out and had great conversations with the guys. When we arrived to lust( a night club) it was horrible. It was a dick party seriously just nasty dudes who has zero respect for women. All of the guys that I went out with became wasted as fuck and a bit nasty as well. I don't know what it is but I'm starting to get really tired of men.

Hahah maybe I've just had some bad luck with it but for the first time I'm so not into dating someone and on the dance floor I need my space! I don't want some random guy licking my neck or touching my ass. Well enough about that I'm gonna get some sleep now and hopefully get this hangover to disappear....

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So about the pictures that I posted on instagram.

A friend of mine asked to take pictures of me and as you all know I really don't like when other people do that. My friends style isn't like in a magazine though, it's more raw and imperfect, no models just normal girls who are comfortable in their own body.
It's art in my eyes and I get really pissed that girls aren't really allowed to be comfortable with themselves whiteout being seen as sluts or attention whores.
The fact that men says that my worth as a woman becomes less when I do things like that is even worse and mostly why I decided to do it.
My ex told me to kill my self if I did it so there you had my breaking point where i stopped thinking about it and just did it.
Everyone should be able to do exactly what ever they want no matter what the society tells you.
I will always be myself and not someone's marionette, I'm okey with not being everyone's cup of tea.

To make tings clear I don't think that I'm a model and I have no intentions in being one either.



However I'm gonna try to write more often now

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There's days when I feel like shit,days when it feels like I haven't accomplished anything in my life. 

Why? Because I didn't take the exact same direction as everyone else with school and all that? 

Because everyone seems to believe that I'm living in a fantasy world? 

In the end it doesn't really matter what people think or believe and I know that but I have weak days when it effects me. 

I constantly have to remind myself that my life haven't been a piece of cake, that if people had been in my shoes they would probably not even be here today. 

I have gone through so much stuff in my life and I'm grateful for almost every single thing because It made me who I'm. 

And hey I'm fucking fabulous when you get to know me! 

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I've always been that person that takes the day as it comes, living in the moment have been my thing but now I'm getting older and it feels like everything slips through my fingers. I love my life but there's something missing, I feel like I'm standing on the same spot all the time not being able to move.

I grew up with responsibilities too much of them and then I came to a breaking point where I just felt fuck it and acted out. I didn't even know if I would make it through the night so why bother to care about tomorrow.

I guess that feeling is stuck with me?

But I'm also this person that has to much energy, a person that wants so much from life. One second I wanna grab my things and move out to the the forest and walk around in the middle of nowhere for days and then the other I wanna go swimming with sharks and climb up to places with a magical view and watch the sunset with someone I love.

But most of all I want stability and a family that I can come home to. One that makes me feel fulfilled so that I don't have to jump around like a kangaroo when ever I have to much energy.

Those stuff does unfortunately not work with the way I'm living now I need to make a change. I have to prioritize

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