above - collage experiment from the other day!
I've been talking about 'knowing yourself' a lot recently; but I'm also still working out what that means myself.
I feel like I'm on a journey at the moment, at risk of sounding very cliche and a little ridiculous. This feeling comes from the inevitable post grad blues, (as well as the living with my parents & wasting my life doing a shitty job blues).
We all have moments in our lives where we're like "Right, damn it Deborah! Now is the time to sort out your life" and you spend all night researching local evening classes and googling "how to get your dream job" and "how to travel the world on a budget", only to wake up the next day to a donut & milk-straight-from-the-bottle breakfast and spend the rest of your day watching Friends in bed. We've all been there.
The pressure of all the new year new me crap always gives me a headache, as I wrote about a couple of posts ago. I want to change a lot of my t e r r i b l e habits & work on actually having a career I want. I feel a crushing a sense of time running out as I, what feels like, hurtle toward my 30th birthday (I'm not even 25 yet, but my anxiety is very forward thinking).
Anyway, practical tips is what we want. Thats why were here. I've watched many a Youtube vid on how to beat procrastination or a creative block, how to actually get up early in the morning and not feel like you're going die by midday. I want oh so badly to spend an hour meditating every morning, eat 5 portions of fruit & veg, take my vitamins, go outside... pfft.
I think the to knowing yourself, is genuinely loving yourself. "Imperfections" and all - even that you really enjoy picking your nose or your idea of a great Saturday night is a cup of Ovaltine and a good book. There are no such things as imperfections. They are just things that deviate from what society says is how we should be. So first off, realise & accept these things.
Stop making excuses - do no harm, take no shit. Live your life good & don't let any bad in. Once I became more comfortable in a group of peers that accepted me, a relationship that I felt equal in, a confidence in my own style of creativity, thats when I began to understand who I was/am. You are defined by everything that makes up your world. You control that world, don't like something? Get rid. Want something? Go get.
Physically know your body. This is a funny one. But the more I learn about my own mental health, the more I understand the importance of knowing your own body. I am currently in the battle of stopping my contraception and letting the crimson waterfall take over my life again. I want to exist & feel in my purest form. I have always had a difficult relationship with my body, intimately & outwardly. Nowadays I am much more sexually aware & satisfied and much more at peace with my physical appearance. But there are areas that are still grey. Masturbation is c o m p l e t e l y natural. If you don't want to do it, don't. If you do, do. Learn your body, sex will be better & you will learn of the power and control you have over yourself. This is a wall I'm still climbing. Lets talk about it, the difficulties, the weird feeling of touching yourself being wrong. We shouldn't be grossed out by our own bits and bobs, we should know them. Even if just to be able to notice when something changes.
Ok, what else? Knowing what you want career wise can take a veryyyyy long time, and that is absolutely ok. Your idea may change completely many times too, also ok. Learn & experiment to find out what you love and how to make into something you can live off.
Spirituality. A big one to me, nothing much to a lot of people. I won't preach, but I think everyone should explore the whole "why are we here?" thing a little. There are so many resources out there, and personally it has helped me massively overcome a lot of personal issues and mental health problems. Just give it a try. It doesn't have to be religion. Spirituality is a personal thing, deep within you.
So there we go, I can't think of anything else right now, good luck! Let's make this year a better one, ey?
Any comments & thoughts are very welcome :)