Obliviate. Obliviate. Obliviate.
(n) obliviate is a term meaning 'forget'.
Obliviate is a memory charm, resulting the erasure of the recipients memory.
- The amazing world of Harry Potter
I want to forget, the hole inside my soul is now filled with anxiety tearing me up from the inside working it's way out and it won't stop until there is nothing left of me. I have this constant feeling that I'm annoying everyone, that no one wants me here. It's like I'm drowning and I'm trying to get up for air but there's weights weighing me down. No matter how hard I try I just can't come up for air. I can't breathe.
But what am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to talk to when it feels like all my friends, aren't even my friends? They're just tolerating me because we go to the same school and see each other everyday? What are they supposed to do? Tell me to fu*k off?
I don't want to be the one bringing them down into this hellhole, and I am almost 100% sure that they think I've gotten better, or they just don't bother to ask me how I'm doing. Honestly I don't know.
So I swallow my pride and keep everything hidden underneath the surface, all my feelings, everything. I take a deep breath, breath out and let it eat me up form the inside instead. That is what I do best.
I make myself and my feelings smaller so that people don't have to worry about me, but I do have to admit it would feel nice to have somone worry about to me to show me they cared. Why does this always happen to me? This always happens to me, my life is going great and then all of a fu*king sudden something happens and fu*ks me up even more than the last time.
But I guess this is all my fault. Like always.
Definition by urban dictionary.