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Dear Meg,

Happiness is fleeting. And that's fine, because that's how life is. But it's now becoming so rare that I can't appreciate it when it's here. I can't appreciate it because I'm scared of what’ll happen when it goes away. I'm scared that it might be the last time.

I’m so tired of people telling me that I’m “in my teenage years” and that “it’s like this for everyone”. I know that everyone hurts from time to time. But this, what I’m feeling, everyone can’t be feeling this way. If they did, everyone would be jumping off cliffs. There is no way that life is supposed to hurt this much. If it is, then I don’t want it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m feeling, and I realized that I’m feeling almost exactly the way I did when James died. Although no one close to me has died (recently). My brain is so confusing.

If you hadn’t noticed, I've been having a shit couple of weeks. But this song made it a little bit better, it calmed my soul down. (It also made me cry, but it’s good.)

I miss you so much. I recently went into my old room and found the things you wrote beside my bed, it’s so sweet. I needed that now.

With love,

Jen.

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Dear Meg,

I should probably start with filling my brain with flowers. I want to change so bad. I want my brain to be a lovely place and I want to grow as a person. I want to be alright. You and me, we got from the place that shall not be talked about*, the place we were in a few years back, to where we are now. That’s pretty remarkable. If I can get from where I was three years back to where I am today, then surely I can get to where I want to be.

Do you ever think about that? How far we’ve gotten? Because when you think about it, it’s pretty far. For example, think about the friends we have now compared to the friends we had back then. I mean yes, we had a few good friends, but if someone told me back then that I would have the friends I have now, I would have laughed in their face. I didn’t think that relationships were supposed to be and feel this good. And our relationship. Wow. Look at us now. We just keep watering each other’s brain-plants, and they’re turning out quite beautiful.

*It should be talked about. Talking helps.

With love,

Jen.

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Dear Meg,

I’ve been trying to stay hopeful for the last couple of days, but it's hard when there's so much negativity and hate in the world. My dad always says that if you fuel hate with more hate, nothing good is going to come out of it. And of course I know that it’s true, but it’s so hard not to get angry at the world. I get so much inspiration from dad when he listens to me go on and on about how shitty I think everything is and when he then says something so profound that, to be honest, just makes me mad at first. But when I go up to my room and think about it, I understand. I understand how he thinks, and how he tries his very best not to sink to their level. And girl let me tell you, he does a bloody good job of it. For example, with the whole Trump thing. I (of course) went through the seven stages of grief when he won and when I was in anger, he stayed calm and reasonable. Even though he can’t stand Trump at all, he didn’t bash or hate on him. He remained hopeful that Trump could change and that something good will come out of this. And if my dad saying that something good can come out of Trump winning the presidential election of 2016 isn’t inspirational, I don’t know what is. I aspire to have the same compassion, respectfulness and hopefulness that dad has.

So the world might be a tad bit messed up right now, but something good will come out of this. I have to believe that. Whether it be America coming together in doing what is right, or you and me getting off our butts and making some kind of change.

With love,

Jen.

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