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Hello fellas! It's Saturday, I woke up around half 9 and Nélli 9. Today we are going to celebrate Nélli's cousin who turns 3 in January. Got some quality time, as we got for three days in row now❤️ yoghurt and TV in the bed, just absolutely perfect.

More about this day? Nothing much. B-party, dishes, washing clothes and wakuum the floor mostly. Of course planning the dinner for new years eve!

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God afternoon fellas! Sorry for the bad update, it's Christmas month, soon new year and busy living my life. Short intro through this month. Our Christmas where better than I expected it to be, because it was a little unusual for us to not celebrate it with my family. So this year I took nellies with my and celebrate Christmas with Johannes and his family, but we will celebrate new year with mine.

Also, my goal for 2k18 is.... Become 100% vegan (I'm just using my old things but only buy, eat and stuff vegan) and stop smoking. So I bought me a new e-cigarette. None of these things are difficult for me, maybe the stop smoking thing, but this being vegan? NO!


So, I just made a vegan Christmas candy and I'm happy of the taste. Recipe?

RECIPE

- 2dl Sugar

- 2dl syrup

- 2dl iMat (Swedish vegan food cream)

- 1-2ml Cocoa

After some boiling, I took 2 hands full of almond. PEEEEEERFECT!

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Hi everyone, hope your day has been good and full of joy!

Today we have not done anything special, cleaning a little for the Christmas but nothing more than that. Later this day a man came with all of our food and now, our fridge, freezer and pantry full of food! So happy, and it's so relaxing to know that you got food. So our dinner today was chicken mince, sweet potatoes and vegetables. That was EXTREMELY JUMMY!

I just lighted the candles and laying in my bed and waiting for Kevin can wait on E4, don't know what the heck it is but on the TV guide it sounded good. Nélli is writing or painting on the floor, so it's soon time for her to get ready for the night. She will be watching some tablets before night-night. What are you doing tonight?

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Hey all! It's been a while since I wrote here, but the truth is that I haven't been so much for writing lately. But I'm here now and I will not promise anything as I did before, but I will be writing and posting as much as I can.


So it's Christmas month, December and every year have I been in love with this holiday. I got the Christmas feeling in November, I decorated really fast, before the first advent and I was happy. This year I haven't got THAT Christmas feeling at all.. It's just ONLY 6 December but still.. I did put up the tree this year and decorations even though I could live without them this year, but for my daughter this is something special and I will be making this Christmas her best Christmas ever!

So on Friday we will be baking, and listen to Christmas music and just get this feeling on 100%. I will be Christmas shopping next week, plan my outfit. We will be rocking this Christmas, and.. It is the first Christmas without her dad. Which is for me perfect, because he haven't been in her life much, and 0 this year. But it is something that bothering me with this Christmas..

I have always wanted a big Christmas Eve, with plenty of food, presents and candy. But this year, I want cosy Christmas. I want to feel happiness inside me, which I didn't felt last year... (not surprised at all...) So I have been thinking of skipping this big holiday eve and make a smaller one. But as I said, Christmas is something special for my girl and I don't want to take away something because of me...

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Good afternoon everyone!

Should I start to say that this day hadn't been nothing that I expected? Since I came home from Johannes my sleep routine is gone, I can't sleep at the night and I cant wake up on the morning, or I can. I wake up around 3-4 but if I fall asleep again, it's to late...

So, yesterday I was at a psychologist and talked. I was on a waiting list for my "trauma" after my sexual abuse and stuff. We talked, and around 20 minutes he said it was not a trauma I got. Well, I have said it like 100 times to different people that my problems isn't any trauma shite, it's something "wrong" with me. So he took some papers, gave me them and we start talked again. He said that on everything I've been saying and showing on this hour. And from earlier chats, I'm truly have ADHA/ADD, which others have been saying to me for a long time.

I'm not saying that it's better or cool to have diagnosis, but for me. If I get an investigation on my problems and get a diagnose, maybe mediation for it and it makes my every day so much better. It is better then, because now all I do is walking in pain and struggling day in and out for "nothing". No one understands me, gets me or anything. And the school shouldn't we even talk about.... -.- it will collapse in any second!


So what have we done today and this week so far? I've been cleaning this home, because I left it as a dirty-stinky-poo mess for three weeks ago, so I've been cleaning and make it like a "home" again. And I can't wait till I have enough points to get an apartment in the city!!! I really want to leave this apartment for good lol. But yeah, cleaning, trying, cleaning and trying again. And of course waiting for my stuff to arrive!

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Good evening everyone! This mama is little frustrated right now and well.. The reason can many parents related to I hope.

Okay, I was studying in my boyfriends bedroom, because I really needed like an hour to do my homework which I got (lol). It was quite, REALLY quite and well moms and dads. You know what it means, something isn't right. Okay? So I took my arse up from the bed and looked in the living room. There she was. Hiding. I said "come out now, mommy needs to talk to you" and when I saw her. For a second I wanted to scream so loud and high that my lugns would break. What do you think she did? Yup, she had markers marks all over herself and her clothes.. So it was just take a really deep breath and put it in the washing machine.

And do you want to know something fun? Me and Johannes are talking to take a "weekend" on a hotel in London and just do things we normal won't, just him and I. Which I think is good for us and our relationship, so I was checking some hotels and the prices. Jeez mates, 4 nights isn't cheap!

Then after I did that I took some relaxing time and cleaning the kitchen a little, and one tip for you.

When you clean your home, you want it to smell nice don't you? When I clean I always put some softener in a saucepan and mix it with water. Put on a low heat and leave it there. I also spray some in the other rooms, fresh and nice (Y)

One more thing, I was cleaning the home yesterday. Everything was fine and stuff, on the night before we should go out and shop some dinner something happened. My daughter broke the windowsill which is made of rocks (marble) and well. Thank God nothing happened to her, but wow. I can't believe how she did it. Can you believe that?! A 4 year old tiny girl broke a marble windowsill in 4 BIG PIECES!!!

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Hi everyone! Hope your day is good, mine doesn't start well at all... Okay, let me start with this. Yesterday Nélli's dentist called us and said we missed our appointment so she gave us a new time, today. Everything was fine, we woke up and I just felt a happiness inside me that this day is going to be great. Said and done, we fixed us and was ready to leave this house. I couldn't find my shoe, MY SHOE! And because of that we missed the bus to the station.. So I had to call back for a new time, thank god they are so nice and sweet people so it wasn't any problem at all. They just laughed about the situation, which is fine.

And oh, don't think about the pictures, it has nothing (read "nothing") to do with this post more than I love sushi and want it so bad today. Eat a sushi buffet, how awesome shouldn't that be? YUMMY! Anyways, I just wanted to share some things with you. You might get shocked or not.

So, i've always been a player or a gamer if thats a better word for it, and I'm pretty famous with being in love with Harry Potter, the games, the books and the movies. Everything, I got a tattoo with it too! And since I was a kid, around 10 years maybe, I had a friend who got two Harry Potter games that I loved and I remember that I talked to my parents about this. That I want this games so bad but I didn't get it.. Or, my dad, he gave me one of the newest games. Since that time I have been looking for this games, in store, online, everywhere and I couldn't find it! So one night I just sat in the bed, scrolling on eBay and searched for Harry Potter games. AND I FOUND THEM ALL! So I put all the games, included a Christmas dress for Nélli in the basket then I looked at the price.. £184.13!?!?!?! For like 7 games? First I didn't want to spend so much money on games, because I haven't in my entire life done it before. But then I thought "if I don't buy them now, it can be tooooo late later. And I have always want this games but couldn't find them, now when I have found them, they need to stay here with me". Maybe cliche but it is true. So I bought them ^^ and this month they will come home!! It says that they will arrive between Tuesday 7th and ****15th so I'm just waiting and exited.


Have you mates bought something really expensive but something you always wanted?

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During this autumn the hashtag metoo has been popular, and I don't think you have been missed this hashtag at all. It's really important to show the world that rape, violence and abuse can't be silent anymore. We need to show the world that this isn't right and we victims are not alone in this world. I shared on my Instagram and Facebook a tiny bit of the story. But I couldn't share the whole story which is really important for me and for others in this situation. We need to raise our voices agains this!

​This is me, a young Jamie. 15 years old, 2012. Same year as I got pregnant (I can share the story next time). I before I became a teenager I had a pretty rough time in school. Got bullied for got a woman body in a young age and I wasn't the typical girl in my age. I got bullied for the music I liked, my clothes wasn't pink and I didn't do my nails. Boys in my age started comment my breasts and arse, they used my as a walking sextoy in many years. What did I do? Nothing, because I was told that boys do things like that when they like girls... I haven't always been a good person, I was a bitch because I couldn't handle my feelings right. And because of that, for not being a tiny individual people could talk shit about, I became my worst nightmare.. I did stupid things, I was with friends that wasn't good people. But inside me, I was a good person! The year of 2011, I thought for a second that all this bullshit was gone. That I could rebuild my life as I wanted, did it happened? No, sorry but my life got destroyed instead!

My "friends" mislead me into something I couldn't handle, I was just 14. Still a child full of dreams, that got destroyed.. They used me as a toy for their own good. One night on the summer break 2011 I got raped.. not by one, two or three people but by 5 people! Two where my best friends, I had a crush on one of them. The other three? Didn't knew them, the oldest was 35 years old! Was is a silent rape? No.. Everything got documented, on tape. For like 6 hours (I think) I got raped, over and over again. And it didn't happened once, but twice! The whole year, from autumn 2011 to February 2012.. I was like a ghost.. My whole year, my whole life disappeared in just one second. On the 2th February one got in jail, the other two disappeared. They where gone. And for my "friends"? They where too young, but got a punishment too!

This was my "first" rape.. My other rape took time in January 2016, by my own so called "true love". Nélli's own father, and she was sleeping next to me. The night before we broke up because he was a cheating on me. That person did something I never in my entire life thought he would do to me! He where there for me when I was in the court and with the police, HE WAS THERE! Then he did the exact same thing to me?! What was he thinking? For like 3 months after he tried to make things work. Get back together, one time I can't forget was... He touched me, it was in the beginning of my and Johannes relationship. He touched my body, again and again and I couldn't do anything. After every time this happened to me I showering for hours trying to clean myself. My body is clean but my head is a mess.. 


Online, psychical and physical abuse gets one. It isn't right.. Nothing of this is right! We women need to raise our voices now, because we can't be in the statistic anymore! Time to fight back for these arseholes! And why I say women, it's because in the statistics and around the world. We women are the victims for abuse, rape and violence. ​Girls, never EVER stop talking about this. If you, your friend or anyone near you have been through this miserable time. Be there for them, get help, talk about this and stay high. It's never your fault, NEVER!

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Hi people! It's 30th October 2017, last day I updated this blog was 12th October this year.. I don't quite know what happened, why I didn't uploaded anything. I think I got so use that I forgot this even though this is one thing that makes me feel human when things isn't easy.

What are we doing now? I watching some crap on the tv, Nélli is playing and we are home at Johannes place. The fun part with this is that we have been here for around 3 weeks now, and will be here this week. So on Saturday we take our stuff and move back. Also we have autumn break! So this week will be a lazy week with some studying.


What have you missed? You haven't missed anything really, nothing special have had happened more than food, more food, I took out my dermal anchor Thursday last week, got my smiley pierced instead and put my septum back. We got a tiny halloween party, sickness and more sickness. You see, nothing special really. I will be trying to upload things more often now, even if I don't have anything to say I thought I could upload some pictures. Sound better right? Have a nice day!

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