​Hi everyone! First of all, I woke up late this time. Saw the time and thought "jesus christ, we are late". So I took a phone call and called Ns preschool and said that she wont come today. Last "lazy" day week for her, next week it's the reality. Me starting school and the short days become long days...


Anyways, today it's a cleaning day. Tomorrow I will be standing in the laundry room for hours -.-. Every clothes we have must been clean for school, good job Jamie, good job! So, our (read mine) day will be cleaning, cleaning and cleaning!

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Okey, after the last blog post I shout the blog down... All these emotional, the time... Everything, it was the best thing I could do.

First of all, me and J is together again. After many years, many unread texts and calls he took the time and listen to me and I did the same thing. We talked and it ended up with a big hug, I'm so lucky for that!

After everything, he took me too his mother. 5h from here with his son, N was with her father. No worries!
Friday night, he proposed too me💕 I said yes!

So here am I again, engaged, happy. Full of love and life, laying in my bed and watching series alone... With a ring on my finger, and know. That I am a lucky girl, got a big family.

One thing more, next week. It's the first day of school, I'm so scared!
And yes, tomorrow, after I've cleaning the apartment, the preschool leaving. I'm going to make a post about the weekend, about EVERYTHING

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​This is something new, something special and something real. Who am I?

Have you ever in your entire life felt like something ain't what you want it to be? Something different is going to happened? 

In my entire life I've been told I'm white, I'm something I don't feel I belong, I'm something because my gender I was born with does the matter and I'm something because my roots are made in a different country..


1. Im not a white girl, can you see the color white on my skin? Can you? I'm a person with a lighter skin tone than some others but darker than some others, but it ain't white. So stop call me white!

2. I'm not a christian person because I was born in it, I'm not a religion... I'm a person with faith and believe but not a god damn religion.

3. My gender? I have a vagina yes, a uterus, eggs and every god damn month I rock my period. But don't call me something, call my namne or ask me what to call me. My gender doesn't defend ME, so stop try to make me smaller in the world.

4. My roots? my roots are in Germany, don't call me "Hitler lover". Hitler ain't me, my roots is a part of me but ain't ME.


Can you see something? I'm a person, I'm not a color, religion, gender or something you can spit on. S T O P   call me things, S T O P    call people things like this.

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​It's been a while since I blogged and I really need to blog this time... So, if you've seen my Facebook you have totally seen that my relationship with Johannes is gone.. And I think it's time for me to open up myself so.


So, Johannes and I haven't been so... I don't quite really know the word for it, we have been trough a really rough time together and it drives us apart. We couldn't do it anymore, so last night/this nigh he texted me with a breakup, yes... A text, I don't hate him but i can't talk with him. My emotional is too far from low and It's just makes me even more sad what I am... So I shut him out for now, we are going to give the other our own stuff and say goodbye.. I don't know, I've got a stoned face. Maybe it was the best choice we have or got?? Sp yeah, this is the update from me. ​I am a single mother again!

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​It's a selfie, just look at it and be nice. No but seriously, my mind is freaking gone right now...

First of all, Nellie is sick again and it's always the same when she has been with her dad for the weekend.. Always the same and it's freaking over my head right now. My medication is coming hopefully by this week and now? My head has only few things in, school and stuff. Like, I don't really know why I am so on with this school thing, as you might know it's that.. my school is starting in August and I don't have starting jet and want to start some courses. It's not the same as this with the human body Im going to study, more history and stuff. Why always me? Can you please help me lol


But for real, why is it always this things that keep me going? I think Im going to turn into a nerd hahaha

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This weather is literally killing me, I know I shouldn't complain but I must, really.. I must do it because my body ain't born for really hot days like this. Anyways, you can see on the picture what she is doing. First of all I must tell you about our morning, hate it really much!

Yesterday me and my girl took the bus in too the city, in the hot sun. Waited for like 30 minutes in the sun both in the town for the bus and in the city for my boyfriend to pick us up. We went to my fathers club and ate there, he slept over in our place and can't say it was bad because I slept better than ever. Woke up with 5 missed messages from my boyfriend and well.. It was just the start for us, I text her teacher that we can't come and then let the start begin. 

She staring to scream, stamp and just do things for my attention.. Then I let her take a bath and here the fun parts coming, she took her stuff and out it on the floor. Said "momma, I got fever" 

- Honey, take a rest then

.... 5 minutes later she's sleeping lol. Didn't see that coming from her, and now she is awake and the food must be cooking really soon, It gonna be a very long night for us because she slept for a long time...

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This is our day in pictures, after I picked N up from her preschool we walked too grandmas house. Took our clothes off and just enjoy the weather, it was really hot but wonderful. Did a little "bathtub" for her and just played outside.

Then I took my ass and cooked some food for the family, love it! They enjoyed my food really well and well.. I couldn't say it was bad 😉 so now, here we are again. Home sweet home, N got a quick shower and I'm going to rest my feet for a while

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Jesus Christ, this weather is amazing and all I want to do is to take a long bath outside but I can't right now.. My N is on her preschool, playing and learning and well.. I'm kinda busy right now, music on (👌🏽) and cleaning our apartment. I hope I will be finished until the time runs out and I must go and pick up my baby girl.

Today I think we will be playing outside, change her clothes is priority one because she will melt in the clothes I put on her this morning😳

Naaaah, back to work. Have a nice day!

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​Gosh, what a wonderful day it has been and still are. Yesterday after I paid all my bills I just had to check out in the kitchen what we needed too shop at the store, wasn't that hard to see lol. So today we took the baby stroller out and walked too the store, bought some ice cream and chilled outside in the wonderful summer weather. Gosh, I hope this weather never ends! 

Anyways, at home we didn't do that much, some songs, some book reading and then N took the pillow and got some rest, under that time I played some video games. Then it was just time for dinner, so now Im trying to get her some sleep for tomorrow. It's finally preschool again for her, and this momma is going too clean our entire studio apartment so it's nice and fresh. Must take away our clothes and stuff too... Anyone who wanna come over and do it for us? lol

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