About 3 months ago now, I got a job at 24 Hour Fitness. That job changed my life from the instant I walked in there. As we all know, 99% of the time, if you work at a gym, you get a free membership. Well, I haven't had a solid gym membership since I was about 12 because I couldn't afford one. I've always been an athlete so a gym membership wasn't really necessary. But when I was about 14, within the span of 3 months I broke my thumb, almost fractured my spine, and fractured my arm. So I had to take a LONG break. 7 years later, I'm back in the game.

Society and the media has done a very good job at making women think that the skinnier they are, the more worth they have. With the help of a terrible ex, I fell for that trap. Within four years I was a stick, and I was always sick. I was unhealthy and my overall view towards my own body was absolutely terrible. I've got a small frame, and a decently sized butt with proportionate legs, but I hated them because I didn't have the thigh gap that the media is so obsessed with. My thighs jiggle and rub against each other when I walk. It's how my body has always been built and I hated it because of the toxic thoughts that were put in my head.

SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A CHANGE. I decided that I was going to go back to that athletic physique that I loved so much. Then, with the help of one of our personal trainers and a wonderful friend of mine, I realized where I really wanted to be, I wanted to compete. But that takes us to another part of the spectrum where people think that women who have a lot of muscle are unattractive and "look like men" and blah blah blah whatever. Thankfully I have the most supportive SO in the world and he's done nothing but tried to keep my mind in check during this process. Making sure I'm still eating normally and that I'm maintaining a healthy lifestyle. He's been my rock and I don't know where I'd be without him.

Even though I did decide that I won't be competing due to the fact that their diet crash would kill me and put me back into a negative mindset about my body, I've decided that I'm going to train like a competitor. I've already made so much progress in the past three months that even I have a hard time believing it. I'm also here having to tell myself that my pants being too small isn't a bad thing. That I'm gaining muscle mass in my quads and that's good for my overall goal. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me. I can't wait to see how I progress and build from here on out.

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I've turned into kandi loving trash. All I can think about during the day is the next piece I'm going to make. Though, I'm running low on beads already so there's not a lot to do.

I'm currently working on matching cuffs for me and Sam. Joker for mine and Harley for his. We just have to do a bead count of his arm so I can actually do this properly and not have it be too small like mine is. My cuff was supposed to be for my bicep but it fits on my forearm..its fine. it works out either way. But the cuffs are just color swirls. eventually I'll get into more complex kandi making, but I'm new to the game so I'm not there yet. Soon enough.

I gave Sam so much crap for being a kandi kid. Now that it's happening to me, he's giving me endless crap for it.

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Went to a Mariners game with the love last night. Baseball really makes no sense to me. He'd make comments and remarks about the game and I'd just sit there scratching my head wondering what's even happening or why this sport is appealing to people. We ended up leaving early because 1. we were losing 5-0
2. I had to be at the gym at 5am

my coworkers were at the game creeping on us as well. it was an entertaining night. but I got to spend it with the love so I'm happy.

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​I've recently gotten back into lifting and let me tell you, I am so happy to be back. I miss being so physically fit that you can see my muscle definition without having to workout beforehand. I can only deadlift 50lb right now but it's a good start. I'm so excited to get back on this fitness journey. I'm ready to get big again. 

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​Bass Academy was probably one of the most fun shows I've been to so far. Nothing has topped the Excision Paradox tour, but it was a close second. I got to meet amazing new people and headbangers, Lumberjvck and Habstrakt absolutely destroyed their set and it was magnificent. it was so wonderful. I'm horribly excited for all the future shows to come with this giant nerd. He's the best rave buddy a girl could ask for. 


Cliche alert: Couples who rave together stay together

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Got to spend Easter with my love. We spent the day driving around going to different shops and just being dumb together. We ended up picking up Darksiders, Majoras Mask wall scroll, and a couple other misc. items. That man spoils me. Then Thai food at one of my favorite restaurants. We ended the evening with Netflix and some nice quality time together. He's the best.

I hope everybody had a happy Easter! Or a happy Sunday. Whichever you prefer

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Its Easter Sunday in the house! My roommate bought Star Wars Easter eggs for his fiancee to find all around the house. He hid 37 eggs in total. She's got quite the day of searching ahead of her. He also got me this giant creepy lookin' Easter Bunny with a box you can color on so I plan to make this box either as messed up as possible, or as trippy as possible.

No work today, thankfully, which means I get to sit around in sweats all day until I decide to finally do something. Who knows when that will be. I have no plans on getting up today.

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​Over the past 3 months I've been going to shows. About three years ago I went to Lucky in Seattle and didn't have the best time of my life (not to mention having to deal with my at the time boyfriend/ex-boyfriend being a piece of crap and ruining the night by calling me at 4am and crying about nothing), having to babysit too high people is not my idea of a good time. I'll deal with it, but that time was too much. 

But so far since the year started I've been to The Excision Paradox tour (with Figure and Bear Grillz) which was absolutely filthy, and the best way to get me back into the game; Infected Mushroom, and Lucky.  Lucky this year was a much better experience than it was three years ago. Better company and now that I'm actually more interested in EDM, better music. The Rave Bug really caught me though because there are still more shows planned out. Pegboard Nerds and Bass Academy is in April. I'm so stoked to see SKisM absolutely DESTROY his set, but don't get me started on the Habstrakt b2b with Lumberjvck, I need all the disgusting and dirty bass in my life. 

I'm also thinking of going to Life in Color while Sam is out of state for Dada Life. Which I will scream to the heavens that I am horrendously jealous over because Jauz is going to be there and I want to see that man rage. But at any rate, Life in Color, Knife Party is going to be there and I very much do not want to miss that. Tritonal, Louis The Child, and Slander are going to be there too...but Knife Party. I'm going to be honest, though, I'm pretty stoked for Slander too. Not so much excited for all the paint they'll be throwing, but hey, if that's the cost of seeing Knife Party and Slander, then sign me up. 

The next show I can think of after that is Freaknight. But anything could come up between May and October so who knows what's going to happen. But the Rave Bug got me bad. Tiny little basshead needs shows all the time. 

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Saw a couple of really cool cars (who parked in the same spot) at work today. One of the benefits of being outside is getting to see the different vehicles different people drive. Sometimes you get surprised at who has what. The weather also changed drastically within a couple minutes which was interesting in itself. Went from sunny to grey within 10 minutes. Typical Seattle.

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Sliced my hand open today while at work. They just implemented a bunch of new guidelines and processes for the people outside so we're being watched like crazy. What an interesting experience this place has been over the past 6 months

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