I think therapists are awesome. And by that I mean awesome in like the real awesome way. Well, Some therapists is not like the awesome ones, but by my personal experience, many therapists is really super nice and yep- awesome. They joke, they laugh, they make us smile, and on the top of that, they help us recover and win life. They are awesome, basically.

But most of us uses a long time to accept that they are here to help, and only to help.

Enough about that, I want to share a little, but yet AWESOME story told by my therapist who is very awesome herself.( I swear, she collects stamps and play tumbfights with me omg.) It made me open my eyes a little bit more, and it will for you too, I hope.

So, here it goes, get comfortable and enjoy this story time with a cup of tea (u should add some honey. It doesn't bite.) <333

"One of my pasients were terrified to death and beyond when it comes to driving through tunnels. No part of her wanted to drive to the other side. All the thoughts told her real bad things would happen if so happened, and she listened and believed in every word her twirled mind convinced her about.

One sunny, yet very dark day, she got the news about her grandma. Her grandma was on her deathbed and every breath could be her very last, who knew. To see her grandma, yes, guess what she had to do? Drive through the tunnel she was so bloody afraid of, head high and mind up.

So that`s what she did, she managed it for the first time in who-knows-how-many years.

When she arrived the other side of the tunnel, she knew what to do. She had to do it again.

There her and her father was, driving in and out of a tunnel many, many times, until finally, it didn't feel like her biggest nightmare anymore. It was over and the fears had jumped away like small baby rabbits stumbling on a muddy road.

After repeating what she feared the most, the fears were no longer fears".

Wow. I literally gave my awesome therapist a big applause after telling me this, it was so inspiring and lovely !! If my therapists ever find my blog, here´s a thank you. Haha.

​it`s ​the same with food, and all other things to fear. if we repeat what we are terrified of, many, many times, the fear will be just air at the end of the day. I promise! xxx AVA 

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i woke up this morning surrounded by cold, thin air and a warm cat laying on the pillow besides me. My first thought and move is always to put some antibac on my fingers, jump out of the bed, get undressed, and then pull out the evil glass box which hides under the shadows of my bed. Why do my days and hours have to be controlled by a scale? I feel like a number. In this whole crowd of individuals, i`m nothing but a number.

BUT WHAT WE DONT SEE ITS THAT WE ONLY ARE NUMBERS IN OUR OWN HEADS. It´s so fascinating, because thoughts are really just thoughts. They are not always telling the truth.

I mean, it´s not like we can touch, talk to, scratch its stomach or anything like that. Thoughts is only in our head, and only there.

I got this compliment from my schoolmate the other day. I haven`t told her about my eating disorder, and I never will. But somehow, in all this chaos, she had noticed my trouble, I think. She grabbed my hand i the hall and starred into my eyes

"Ava, honestly, you look a lot better here and now, than 7 feet under the ground".

That´s probably the weirdest compliment ever. No wait, haha, a boy once told me

"If you were a football team, and I liked football, then you would be my favorite football team." lol. But that´s another story.

What my friend told me really made me think. Obviously she had noticed my weight gain, noticed my, now i`m saying the forbidden word oops; FAT. She had noticed how much fatter I was. But then again. what she basically told me was that she was glad I was`t dead, I suppose.

Im not sure if I am.

But then again no parents would have fun at their child´s funeral.


you, just you, the cutie reading this (I assumed you were a girl, but all boys you can be cuties too, ok ;) ) , YOU ARE SO FUDGING WORTH IT. And smash this in your backhead; if you ever give up, know that you have to go through everything hard all over again.... you`ve been fighting so hard! Btw, you can`t go to the moon if you aren't healthy. Or anything else fun. All that waits for someone starving themselves is a cold bed, staying cold no matter how many warm cups of tea you have, a miserable love- and friend life, terrified parents, literally destroyed school-rhythm, half your brain will fly away together with your friends, and most importantly; YOUR NAILS TURNS INTO ALL WEIRD BLUE-SHADES WOW EW. No, but really- it´s not worth it people. 



I don`t want to do this anymore. My eating disorders monsters has taken a real hard grip, and it feels everlasting. And it will for a long, long time. BUT- thing is, it´s not everlasting, in fact, you can make it stop. I can too, and I have to realize that the power lays in my own hands.

I have read multiple articles and posts where people repeat this one thing. "The hospital can´t bother about helping me". "It´s the hospitals fault I can`t do this!". Let`s put this another way. Girls, boys, - don`t put the blame on hospitals.

They offer help, a lot of it too. But still, you have to remember that it`s YOUR head, only you can use it to think and argue with yourself, only you. It´s not the hospitals mission to make you healthy, but they will do everything in their power to help. So keep this in mind, it`s YOUR choice, you can´t blame it on someone else if you don´t even try. And, on top of everything, if you do, it´s YOUR life that will take the kick. You will take the damage.

Please know that there is help, there is light, there is shitloads of cats out there to help you feel better. And the list of reasons to get better is many miles long.

Think about it, is it really worth it? These rutines? It will never be enough. Anorexia is hungry for starvation. She wants to see you disappear, get smaller, but you will never get to that point where you see it yourself. There is no goal that will make you feel sick. Ironic as it sounds, you will never feel skinny if you keep losing weight.

Jump the other way and discover the positivity that hides in the shadows. What do you choose?

Let´s do this. We can, and if we don´t, we lose this very valuable thing; life.




To be honest, i have no clue on how to start this little blog of mine. How do I introduce myself? Casually? A long/ short post? Do I tell every detail of my life? Is it necessary to mention my cats names? And what about the color of my socks (let`s be honest, who even have the time to find matching socks).

Let`s try.🌻


Hello, it`s me. The name is Ava, i`m a kiddo who`s 15 y/o (AND A HALF, very important half. hehe.) I struggle with this thing we call life, or whatever. My world is spinning around, but anorexia, aka hell aka monster, is breaking it apart. Eating disorders has filled my head, and life, for three years now, and it`s time for me to say stop. For real. Get my shit together.

You see, i know there`s life, and man- I know there`s LIGHT. I see hints of it every day. Hope is just some centimeters away and i´m just about to reach it!

With this blog, hm, yeah, with this blog I want to be myself. The silly Ava who`s recovering and blogging about her daily adventures. My plan is to inspire.

🌟Welcome in! - this is the light side. Swimming towards life, happiness & healthiness!