" One of those Days ".........?

“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern.”
― William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Most days I awake with a certain mindset, these are not always predictable and for me simply demonstrates impermanence and a sense of non locality which happily correlate with my understanding of life in all its complexity.
As with most feelings experienced on an empathic level it is rather difficult to communicate to others due to the nature of my perception. It's a little like having many, many sensory receptors both inside and outside of myself which on occasions feedback vast arrays of information in a manner that cannot be explained neurologically. It is also impossible to tease out from where it originated before being incorporated into my consciousness.
And today appears to be ' one of those days'
From the start I felt a little unsettled, I'm perceiving noises and movement where there physically does not appear to be any.  My eyes ( I'm assuming this is where I am perceiving movements although it seems to originate in my mind and projected outwards) see vague, grey ashen figures drift by, going about their other dimensional deeds oblivious to my presence. Some figures seem darker, more substantial. These appear more conscious however apparently still trying to carry on with their human life despite no longer being of physical form.
Knocks, creaks and bangs echo from around the house where the relatively uniform laws of physics apparently no longer operate.
I'm hoping a walk in the countryside will help to ground me into a more predictable reality if only to briefly abate the dizzying tirade of stimuli impacting on my sensorium.
The pure and sensual breeze wraps itself around me as if welcoming me in its embrace. A vast variety of smells accompany its clutch ,the light but pungent scent from the apple blossoms mingling with the earthy smell of the newly rain sodden soil combine to further remove me from my physical self. The trees branches and leaves, the long grass and the overgrown bushes dance in synchrony to the wind, choreographed by Nature herself.
I am now the invisible witness. The whole world, the stars, the planets, the ancient past and the distant future all fuse within my soul. I am at one with the whole and the whole is at one with me. Although I can perceive a reality outside of my physicality, I know that I too am part of and inseparable from all that is. The illusion of self is shattered, freeing my soul to fly and become as one with eternity.
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Falling in Love........?

I believe numinous and spiritual experience are ever present around us, it simply takes for our perception to be open to it. There are many documented ways to help to open us up to it including meditation and various drugs .However most of us go though life largely unaware of the truly exquisite magical nature of our world around us. As empaths I feel we are more open to a kind of energetic intimacy which is vastly more profound and sensual. It can literally consume one if we were to allow it.
This was a problem for me before I became aware of my empathic tendencies as I would welcome with open arms new relationships. I believe my empathy with someone would lead me to believe that I was ' in love ' and subsequently my physical and emotional reactions would follow suit. This unfortunately but predictably caused chaos within my relationships.
Now I understand the love that I feel for others is not so much about me but about an opportunity which I can use to genuinely support and help others.

Though, on occasions these experiences still impose themselves on me unbidden. It may be in form of a spectacular view ,a feeling of oneness with nature or some other occurrence that we intrinsically recognise as something ‘other’ than our more frequent day to day perception. Fortunately I can now experience those very same feelings with the knowledge that they are not necessarily to be acted on, on a personal level. However I still like describing how I feel when they occur.

And on rare occasions it appears it can be interpersonal :

“I hardly know you but when I think of you or if I am graced enough to be in your presence something extraordinary happens to me.
My spirit is given flight, all my senses are heightened seemingly to ensure that in no way  I miss any aspect of your divine self. I bathe in your gaze and become lost deep in your eyes. Any self control I have, has withered away as I respond to your every word and gesture. Anyone watching would see I was lost to you, like prey willingly hypnotised by an enigmatic predator. As a sailor must have been drawn to his personal death by the seductive call of the mermaid, I too wish to answer my heart and souls call to be as one with you. Even if it meant that I was never to find myself again it would be  small loss to be a part of you, always.”

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Stranger in a Strange Land

On reflection, there has not been a day in my life when I have felt that I truly belong in my current existence. I have strong empathic traits ( so much so that when I have been emotionally close to someone I have developed their physiological anomalies, for example my spine developed a slight curvature) and a strong sense of spirituality. These may be part of the reason as to why I feel this way.
As I grew up I did all the usual 'growing up as a human' type things, from an hedonistic youth to marriage and a family as well as a career.
Despite this I have always felt living a human life was rather an effort, that my life was somehow a kind of 'job' I had to do.
This has historically led to feelings of being lost and directionless in life, as if I had somehow been installed into my body and marooned on Earth.

Today as I sit on my porch drinking coffee and smoking the occasional cigarette, I find myself again reflecting on my past, present and future. Everyone seems to be committed to their human life, seemingly comfortable with their existence as they ( to me) carry on apparently unconsciously in their day to day activities dictated by previously laid out neural pathways. I admit at times I am quite jealous as I seem
unable to succumb to what appears to be a blind acceptance of their lives and fate.
Even my body annoys me! I think it is because being empathic I sense the subtle energies in the world that can communicate on a gentle, sensual level of spirit whereas my physical senses seem clumsy limiting by comparison. I feel very much like a spiritual energy trapped in human form.

However I do not feel at all sorry for myself. In the end I believe I have been given the gift of a degree of consciousness which has led to spiritual and emotional growth. I have accepted that I am different and embrace it, the good and the bad.
The message is to anyone out there who feels they do not belong or feel isolated due to being seemingly different in some way, try to embrace your uniqueness, remain as authentic as you can be. I sense the world may need us to be the ones with clear vision, of balance, to be a neutralising agent against humanity's frequent emotional pathology, if there is to be any peace and compassion now or in the future, we may well be an important part in ensuring that.
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Nature as Teacher.......?

I have always been an avid reader for many years and have learnt much through the medium of the written word. However I still find my greatest teacher and inspiration has been nature herself. Nowhere else can relay so much insight and understanding, not only through our base five senses but also on so many more levels. Certainly being empathic and having strong spiritual senses can lead us to feel the energetic potential of the natural world to a greater degree.
Nature provides us with education in all subjects :
- history, that every plant or animal now living has a genetic past leading back to the time of creation.
- biology, the procreative processes of all living things, their growth, their flourishing to their eventual demise as we all return to the Earth from where we sprang.
- physics and chemistry, the complex interactions between the forces of Nature on our flora and fauna, how the rain, wind and sea form our landscapes, the interconnectedness of life apparent as we witness every aspect of Nature effecting and integrating with one another.
- languages, the multifarious variety by which all living things communicate, plant life communicating with each other ( via fungal mycelium etc), the different calls of each and every animal.
The examples are endless but one of the main themes is that of the humanities. Nature herself has all the answers humans need to find their place in the world, she shows us that our family is all around us, trees, plants, animals and other humankind; all that now and ever has existed remain with us at a fundamental level. There is no true division of ourselves from anything else in our world as is proven on a quantum level. However we do not need to read quantum physics to know this. Nature exhibits this on every level providing we are open to her.

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Lest We Forget............

Summer and Winter solstices, Imbolc, Beltane, full and new moons et al all serve to point us to an awareness of the cycles of Nature of which we are inextricably linked. They provide mutually recognised events where we can feel more intensely our interconnectedness with the whole universe, events that have been part of our human history over the millennia.
Often at these times the focus of our awareness is very much outside of ourselves, we become even more sensually sensitive to the ebb and flow of the seasons, the ever changing energy of the cosmos manifesting in a more profound and discernable manner.
However, wherever we are, whatever time of day, whatever month in whatever season the cycles of life continue. Every single moment of our lives can offer us the opportunity for us to be aware of the subtle, yet energetic dance of Nature.
Outside our windows, amongst the flora and fauna, we can observe more discernably how every single moment continously gives rise to many unique and never to repeated moments. Never again will that same snowflake fall, never again will the Sun and the wind combine to cast the same cloud shadows across the fields, never again will a flock of rooks swoop and caw in the same way again whether witnessed or not.
Human religions have their own way of defining and celebrating the miracles of life, but in Nature every second is a celebration, an acknowledgement of the fantastic and diverse interplay of the universe, a neverending and reverential Nativity play with an infinite array of actors and actresses.
From the shrill chorus of birdsong to the blossoming of the flowers and trees, we are, whether we allow ourselves or not to be aware, part of the eternal festival of Life.

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Being an Empath, both a Blessing and a Curse.........

Just for clarification, I only really write from my own experience as this is as close to any kind of reality I can describe. Everyone has a unique way of viewing the world, therefore my hope is that some of my experiences and thoughts resonate with others and possibly help them at some stage with negotiating their way along life's often precarious and confusing path.

I have been reflecting on my life prior to having discovered that I had empathic tendencies and have realised just how much chaos and confusion was as a result of my lack of understanding. I see many posts describing individuals situations to which I can all to easily relate.

I dated a lady who was extremely emotionally unstable, she was quick to become overwhelmed with devastating negative feelings which all to easily transferred to me. I felt her despair, her nihilism, her ambivalence to life and death. In that ambivalence she had made herself free to act and not be concerned about the consequences. She was often in emotional and behavioral freefall, chaotically going from one disastrous and self damaging situation to another. Those feelings at that time I had felt to be mine also. I therefore acted in a similar manner, it was as if I was committing acts of deliberate self harm to myself and my life. Thankfully much time has passed but when I look back I feel that being empathic allowed me to experience these emotions in a way that has helped me understand others in a way that is unique. I truly do know what emotions and feelings certain people are experiencing and this has helped myself to assist others through difficult times in their life.

Previous to becoming aware of my empathic side I also have felt great sorrow, great fury, great peace and great love to name a few emotions. At that time, as I had attributed those emotions to myself I fully experienced them, I lived them and was consumed by them. So although historically my life has been a complete emotionally supercharged mess, I have seemingly come out the other side with a wealth of compassion and understanding that otherwise I would not have had.

For me the key to being more conscious of my empathic involvement with others has been meditation. Meditation has allowed me to simply observe my thoughts and emotions dispassionately making the much easier to monitor and control. Also through meditation, spiritual insights have occurred which have shown me that I am not an independently existing entity but that I am part of the vastness of the universe, a wave in the ocean of life and matter. Through these insights the ego diminishes and can be lost. This knowledge has turned being an empath from being a curse to a blessing. I have realised that my life isn't necessarily about me, it's about what I can to others in the hope of promoting love, compassion and understanding. However if we interpret our empathic / sensitive experiences on from an egoic and an "I" centered belief system, that is when it can be a curse.

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