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Today was one of those days... You get up ,wash your face, listens to some music and gets some shit done. You fell alright not good but alright. The day goes by and you think "mabye I`m gonna be fine". Thats when it happens.

The anxiety kicks in. Your head starts to spin and you start feeling drained. I know that you are supposed to stay positive but it is just so damn hard when it feels like your dying. Everything around you is turning grey and nothing matters.

You get all cold and angry and everything and everyone pisses you off. You can´t sleep and in the middle of the night you start crying... You feel like mabye death wouldn´t be so bad. After a while you fall asleep. Then you wake up in your own personal hellhole.

Thats how I´ve been "living" for the past 8 years, in my personal hellhole.

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Your alarm goes off, you wake up and find yourself wishing you didn´t. Depression also called major depressive disorder. Being depressed does not mean that the person is very sad, it means that every single day becomes a big blur of pain, numbness and feeling dead inside.

Do you know how it feels to be suicidal? If your answer is yes then I am so, so sorry. But if your answer is no then let me tell you something.

Please forgive me if I don´t talk much at times. It´s loud enough in my head. Because the monsters doesn´t sleep under my bed, they live inside my head.

People would ask me if i´m ok, and I wanted to talk about it. Damn it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could do was to whisper "I´m fine".

And no self harm isn´t just cutting. No one gets it. I mean they all claim to. But do they even listen? And you know what I am tired of feeling like i´m fucking crazy!! Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die.

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