Dear future me

There's only a few hours left of 2016, six to be precise, and I couldn't be more excited for a new year... I sincerely hope that you feel the same about 2018, but for other reasons.

This year has been crazy, litteraly insane, a mayhem. I was expecting a year filled with love, happiness and adventures. But I was wrong, that never happened, or maybe it did, just not in the way I expected.

When I look back at this year, it hurts. Like hell. It hurts to think about all the near and dear that has passed away. It hurts to think about Darcy, Alice, Lilly and Ophelia. And of course, my precious Bella. It hurts to think about all the heartbreaks and the dissapointments, all the failures I have experienced. It hurts to see what has happened to France, Aleppo, America, the entire world. It hurts to see all the people who are fighting and fleeing for their lives, all the people who has died, not only in war zones, but in countries where war is non existent. It hurts to think about Alan Rickman, Prince, David Bowie, Carrie Fisher and so many others. Let 2017 be good to everyone who needs it, including me.

But I also remember all those moments of joy I spent with my best friends, with my mother and sister, with my father, with all the people I never thought would break my heart but actually did. We all had some beautiful moments together. I loved London, France and Amsterdam. I loved Christmas and other holidays. I loved school and the work load. I loved so many parts of the year, but I am ready to move on.

Move on to brighter days and happier times. Despite the fact that I loved so many things this year, they cannot cover the fact of how bad this year has been, both personally and globally.

I hope that when you read this, future me, that 2017 is filled with all the things that we love and that it lacks all the things that hurts. I wish that when you look back on the year, that you are proud of the things you have accomplished and that you are happy. We deserve it.

I only have one thing left to sat, and it's probably the most important thing of all. That is what would be my onlly New Year's Eve resolution; love more. Love yourself more, love other people more, love everythiin more. Only do things with love, because if there is something I have learnt from this year, is that nothing that you cannot put your heart and soul in doing, is not worth doing.

Take care.

With love, Ida


Likes

Comments

“Are you happy?” is such a hard question. Yes, I am happy but no, I’m not happy.

How can such a small, but heavy, question make you feel so small? So unsure and insecure? So keen to answer yes, despite the answer being no, because being happy and satisfied is a norm.

When the question is asked, I always answer yes. Because I so desperately want to be happy and I do not want to come off as someone who is always sad. Not because that is bad or anything, it is just that I so desperately want to be happy that I ignore the other feelings. I pretend that I am happy. And I fall for that lie, because I do have friends and family who love and care for me, appreciate me and support me. I almost always get what I wish for under the tree and I have visited more countries than my fingers can count. I am happy, right?

But then there are those nights, when you lie awake at 3 AM, crying silent tears in your pillow. Nights when you are sitting on the bathroom floor and you are almost crawling out of your own skin because the pain is too hard to handle, and you wonder where it all went wrong. Nights when you wish you could just stop existing, not die, but just stop being there. Just for an hour.

You feel so terrible and you start doubting everything you ever felt and had. That is when you aren’t so sure anymore whether you’re happy or not. But then you fall asleep, wake up, and move on. That night did not happen. You’re “happy” again.

Until the question is asked again, and everything flashes by in your mind again. You remember the cold bathroom floor, the sleepless nights, the empty feeling and the tears. No, you’re not happy, you just fell for your own lie. Again.

And since it is a norm, you smile and answer yes. Yes, I am happy.

And your eyes scream, desperate for help.

I am happy.

Likes

Comments

Hi there.

I do not know how many times I have been thinking about creating a blog. Not one for people to see, read or comment on, but as an outlet for me, as a way to ventilate all of my thoughts. And today is the day I finally felt like I need it.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be very honoured if someone would read my blog and that my thoughts might help someone else. But this blog is mainly for me to write about things that are central for me, and maybe even a few things regarding make up and decoration. (Only reading about thoughts will be boring for me too.)

We'll see how things escalates.

Have a nice evening and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Hugs and kisses.

Likes

Comments