Some may say that we don't live in a rape culture anymore. If you are someone like that, listen to what I have to say, because I will tell you a story.
A story about a woman named Maria.
She was raped when she was young. Raped by her boss, who later trapped her in a flat, where she had born her daughter and was multiply raped by him and his friends before she could escape.
She searched for a home in her old town but after hearing what had happened, her family rejected her.
"You bring dishonor to our family, Maria." , they said and spit on her. She had to find a home else where.
Eventually she met a man who had come to the Philippines to marry a woman who would cook for him, a woman who had never heard of feminism: Maria was that woman. They married and moved back to Germany. Maria said she owned her life to him, he died a few years ago and she still has his ashes in her bedroom.
Only her sister speaks to her and when she returned to her home, her house was wrecked and things were written on the walls that are to awful to even think about. Her own brothers had done that. They didn't want her. Didn't even want to see the now grown woman and her child.
Maria was convinced that it was her fault. Till this day she punishes herself, cries herself to sleep and is afraid of every man.
It wasn't her fault, regardless of what everyone said.
She hated her child, later hated her grandchild, didn't talk to them once they had moved away.
They had destroyed everything.
And that all happened because one man couldn't control the urge to have sex with her.
Her life was destroyed.
Today, this woman is my maid and her life is nearly over.
She lived a life full of pain, rejection and hard work.
Is that worth it? I know the man who did this will never read this but was that worth it?
That you had sex, was it worth it that a woman was rejected by her own family, married a much older stranger and still blamed herself for her misery?
She thinks god hates her.
She thinks she destroyed his life.
If that isn't rape culture, I don't know what is.
And if you say that "That didn't happen here and that means that rape culture isn't thing." , then I ask you : Is it less valid just because it happened somewhere else ?
Was it her fault? Of course not.
But there were people who said that it was: In my hometown and in hers. My own uncle said that she shouldn't have had sex with him in the first place, that he couldn't know that she didn't want to have sex with him twice. That that was consent. She shouldn't have gone with him. My uncle. And we don't live in a rape culture?