Ok. So I am only 3 months away from ending my second-year of the technology program. For two whole years I have been regretting my every desicion and pondered every outcome. I have, just like many others, a divided state of mind. Just recently I took my third personality test and it had the same result as the ones before. As an INFJ I feel obligated to help people and make a difference, however this personality is also making me too anxious to do so. I have found my place in the back-corner of every room and I possess the silent opinion with the power to change every discussion. But I choose to be invisible and not to make myself heard. I know how to blend in and I know when to stand out. As a hard worker with a constant inner-indiciviouvness I do not belong to any given position.
I get anxious by the thought of being a part of the system. Of having to grow up, get a job, a family, follow obligations and then die. I am not obsessed with the thought of immortality or even to be succesful. I just want to belong in the life that I choose to live.
So what is my plan?
well, I have always considered myself an artist of all kind. Writing music, poems. Having abstract thoughts or a grab of the pen. I just recently declined an offer to continue my studies at the technology-college. A desicion that was not in the liking of my fellow classmates. In only two months I will turn 18 and be able to reach newer heights. In only 1 year I will be out of school and ready to go upon my own road. My plan is to escape. To go somewhere. Not travel the world and then come back to the system that I'm so eager to get away from. I want to live my life as the artist I know I can be. I want to write, sing and explore and go wherever the road takes me. I do not care for fame, money or achievements. All I want is to get away, even if it means living on the edge and being judged. And even if it means living a shorter life.