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I meet my blue eyes in the mirror. Or are they gray? I don't know. It seems like I can never figure it out. Wether it's the color of my eyes or the purpose of life. Here I am again, looking myself in the bathroom mirror, holding onto the basin with a grip as if it was a matter of life or death. Why do I even care to put makeup on anymore? It always ends up like this anyways. Smudged, all over my face. My eyes swollen, my face red and my breath heavy.
What is wrong with you? Why are you crying? You have everything, goddammit! You have a perfect life. You have a nice apartment, food on the table, friends who care about you, a family and a dreamy boyfriend. Why the hell are you crying? I look at myself. "You used to be strong, you know?" I say out loud, in an attempt to feel some kind of comfort. It doesn't even help the slightest and I just stand there, paralyzed, looking at myself.
I can't go out there again. I can't take another "Are you okay?". It's better to just collapse here, on the floor. Hopefully the pain will go away. Hopefully someone finds me and takes me somewhere warm. Somewhere bright. Somewhere safe.
I close my eyes. I take a deep breath. I open my eyes and look at myself again. It's time to do what I do best, pull myself together. I wash my face in ice cold water and dry it off with toilet paper. There isn't much more to offer on an airport toilet. I take a final look at myself in the mirror. "You are okay" I say and almost puke at my own fake smile. I leave my stall repeating "You are okay" over and over again in my head. Just as I leave the restroom area and the airport opens itself in front of me I feel another wave taking over my body and I have to run back.
Back in to that stall.
I've said it before, being off for 2 days when working intensely for a long time is not enough. Time flies faster than lightning strikes and suddenly you're there at work again wondering where the hell those days went.
I spent them the best way possible though. My best friend and I spent a few hours in the city, craved unnecessary stuff in stores and talked about life. I spontaneously got a haircut after 1.5 years (!!!!!!) it was needed so to say...... even though I came out looking like I did back in 7th grade (hair slightly less damaged though) I felt really good seeing all that hair fall off my head. I don't have before/after pictures though ;( #badblogger
The rest of my hours off (I'm not even going to call it days anymore) I spent with my boyfriend. After not seeing each other for 3 days I needed his presence for a bit. Time with him flies even faster than my regular time off, which sucks in a way because as soon as we're not physically together it feels like it's been such a long time since last.
Together with my best friend we went out and saw the new movie Dunkirk, which was a really good movie in my opinion. Go see it!!!!
you know no better, said you different
who you kiddin'?
yeah you know no better
save that talk for the ones who know no better
These past few days have been weird. I have worked almost nonstop which resulted in me totally losing all sense of time. I had to remind myself over and over what day it was, what time it was and even where I was at my most tired point.
Yesterday was my day off. I spent the morning at the gym with my best friend and then she left me alone for work. I went out to buy a few things for a project I cannot talk about :) it's interesting how when I get into a project I go so deep I just shut out everything around me. I think it's like therapy for me too, I am a thinker after all and concentrating at something so intensely helps my brain to rest from all thoughts that otherwise would've broken in to my brain. Yesterday I totally lost track of time and suddenly it was so late that I only had 6 hours left to sleep before work.
Now I suddenly found myself at this train, looking out over the never ending fields thinking about how happy I am. In this exact moment, looking out over the fields, even though I am tired, even though I would rather lay in bed right now or work at my project, I am the happiest I have ever been. There is no stress. There are no musts. There is nothing. Just freedom. Just me deciding what to do next.
Is it possible to live like this forever? I wish as we arrive at the platform outside my job and reality catches up on me once again.
the top is from monki.
Bergen means "mountains" in Norwegian/Swedish. A city called Bergen forces the brain to imagine a city surrounded by mountains, and reality did not disappoint. It is literally a city situated in a hole surrounded by mountains. It is so beautiful, colorful houses wandering up the steep mountains until it is no longer possible to build one. The deepest forests you can imagine and cable cars giving tourists the opportunity to see what Bergen looks like from above. It is in fact so stunning that people go up, on top of the mountain, just to sit there and observe the wonderful photo looking scenery facing them in an HD 360 degrees view. We were two of those tourists and we were not disappointed.
Bergen is beautiful. The houses reminded me of a fishing village, which I guess it partly is. There are no high buildings in Bergen, and even though it is a popular destination for foreigners traveling to Norway, you get the feeling that Bergen is quite small and peaceful.
Danny and I biked around town the first day and as promised, with over 300 rain days, it rained heavily that day. But the weather changes fast in Bergen, it went from pouring (I'm gonna drown if I walk outside) rain to a few drops to sunny. It was very fascinating actually. The second day we surprisingly had sun all day and it made it much easier to enjoy the town despite its cold temperature.
I'm gonna leave the rest of the story for the photos to tell. I am very satisfied with our visit to Bergen, such a beautiful town with a lot to offer. Recommended!!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "the first kilometer is straight up hell". Speaking from my now, own experience, I can tell you that the first kilometer makes hell seem like heaven!!!! Okay that was probably very exaggerated........ The feared first kilometer was straight upwards and when we finally reached the top after walking for what seemed to be at least 14 kilometers we reached a sign revealing what I thought was some kind of dumb joke. 2 km of a total of 11 km. 2. ?. What the hell. 9 to go.
It's interesting how much your mind can push your body into doing something. I promise that my body wouldn't have moved a centimeter after those first kilometers if it wasn't for my head. When we reached the top we faced a couple of hundred meters of flat terrain before we stood in front of the biggest test so far on the hike. It was basically a mountain we had to hike straight upwards. Luckily enough, it was pretty foggy and cloudy at that time, so I couldn't see exactly how far it was. I was so tired already, but I was also determined to finish this freaking hike. And so I did. Even though I thought I was going to die a couple of times.
Reaching the top of the hardest part welcomed more flat hiking, which in my opinion is highly preferred. I don't mind a few bumps or small uphill parts, but kilometers straight upwards is a little too much for such beginner hiker as myself. Even though it was challenging and very hard, it was a lot of fun to master that part of the hike.
When we finally reached the end of what felt like an endless, but exciting, hike, we knew we had made it only because the mass of people that were gathered at the same spot. It was so foggy that you could barely see your own feet. We decided to put up our tent and slept a few hours before we woke up and made dinner, still foggy. We decided to spend the night up there, the top of Trolltunga and that turned out to be a great choice. We woke up next day to a lot clearer weather, actually clear enough for me to be able to see the actual "tongue". Danny and I got ready and went out to take a lot of pictures. It was really such a stunning view. Massive and so beautiful. I seriously couldn't get enough, even though I'm insanely scared of heights I tackled it pretty well. I was overwhelmed and felt proud of both me and Danny for being able to get through such challenging hike. Suddenly it was all worth it. So worth it.
We made sure we took pictures from all angles before we decided to start the hike back. Let me tell you, the way back was like sliding down an iceberg with your ass drowned in syrup compared to the way up.
I really had such an amazing time mastering the hike of Trolltunga. The landscape is so beautiful, diverse and peaceful. Every step of the way is worth it when you get to the end, even during the way I got caught up in the scenery and forgot how tired I was.
My tips to anyone who would ever wanna do the hike;
1. Bring A LOT of warm clothes. It's so much colder than it might seem at first.
2. Make sure you bring a lot of food.
3. It is FAR. Make sure you are mentally prepared for a challenge.
4. Bring a camera.
All in all, I had the best time with Danny. The hike was literally so amazing and doing it together with him made it perfect. Norway's scenery is totally mind blowing and experience it through this hike is probably one of the most natural and awesome ways there is.
10/10. Thank you Danny.
Another busy day at work reminds me of why I love my job. I love dealing with stressy situations and I love conversing with people I never would have talked to if it wasn't for the fact that they were traveling with KLM to Amsterdam today.
Here's an example; two Americans came to check in at my counter and we started talking about their trip through Scandinavia. Turns out they had relatives in Sweden, not just Sweden, Falun, which is also where I am from. Crazy huh? We had a moment of bounding right there. It was almost like it was us who were related.
Came home from work and took a 4 hour nap before finishing my packing which was a task. Me and my boyfriend are going to the Trolltunga hike, and I'm trying to pack as light as possible which can be very hard. But I think I managed as light as it gets... I'm so excited!! 2 days of hiking and 2 days of exploring Bergen. I'll be back on Friday!