My first post.. I call myself a writer. Maybe not a good one, but a writer none the less.
I don't know how often I will update here, but I will try to as often as I can.
So my story is not that complicated really. I don't want to be like all others but my life is just as troubled or trouble free as the next persons is.
Roughly three years ago I was sick. Anxiety and panic attacks wasn't unusual for my everyday living.
That year I stopped going to school and also that year my grandmother, who I was very close with, passed away.
That year I had to move back in with my parents because I had no job and no school and no income so I couldn't afford my apartment.
I had shut down, I wasn't living, I was just existing.
It was a rough couple of moths and it has been a long way back to feeling a bit more normal than before.
I can still get upset at times, feel like I'm worth nothing and question the reasons why I'm still here but then I think of my family and my friends I find the strength to move forward.
I still have panic at times, I still feel scared sometimes when the doorbell rings or when I have to use the phone and call someone I don't know, how fast my heart seems to pound in my chest as the phone rings, how I can't really take that someone doesn't like me.
Somehow all of this seems like it's normal in a way, that I'm not alone in the world to think like this or to feel like this..
but I do feel alone, like nobody really understand why or how I could possibly feel like this because I am so lucky to have my family and friends to support me and I have a job now.
I don't miss anything, I have so many good things in my life but I can still feel like I'm missing out on something.
I'm getting better though, everyday it gets easier. Everyday I'm getting closer to the point to where I can stand up tall and say I'm not missing anything because I have everything I need, anything I could possible want and that I am happy.
I not after your sympathies, I just wanted to share my story.. this is just like a short version of it. this is in the past and a way to put it behind me is to write it down.
So if you've read the whole post, thank you for your read and I hope to write here soon again.
All the love