I'm going to try and blog a little more often, but *timing* my laptop has just died. Permanently. Hopefully this will be the start of a more organised blog as soon as I get a better computer.
So two weeks ago, I started seeing a new CBT practitioner. I have been very doubtful of CBT since my last bout with the same service before I stopped and moved abroad. Looking back, I was nowhere well enough to engage in the kind of self-led programme that this course is. I was also scatting out, not turning up, not doing my homework etc. Overall not helpful. So I came ready to put in work, bear the cross and put the techniques they use into motion. I also came with questions and requests, I asked if it could be a bit more practical (because I'd completed an A level in psychological therapies and the theory wasn't new to me). I also came with things i wanted to focus on and challenge. So far, it has been surprisingly insightful and useful for managing (mainly) social anxiety.
Last week my session ended with a question which kind of knocked the air out of me. And that question was: "Have you been assessed for Aspergers?".
Now, for context, we'd just finished talking about my traumatic primary school experience. Categorised by absolutely no friends, being taken advantage of, social anxiety, introversion, bullying, maladaptive daydreaming. Like already, they're pretty obvious signs that something "normal" isn't going on here.
She also picked up on my sensory difficulties one session in. I picked my hands until they bled. I asked her to turn off the lighting in the room, I had told her about how movement, sound and light can really play a part in my anxiety attacks.
I also told her about certain people I have going round and around in my brain as a social check, how I try and imitate them.
Whilst researching asd, many of the male traits and symptoms didn't quite match up. But on finding Tania M Marshall's blog on female aspie traits, I can almost definitely see me in them. So now it looks like perhaps my anorexia, social anxiety and bipolar actually can come under asd. AND NOW I'M TOTALLY CONFUSED!