I'm sitting down, I'm standing up, I'm sitting on my knees... just crying crying crying. It's been a long time since I've felt pain like this in my heart. As I cry I whish that it will soon be over.. but I always end up crying for hours. It's been a long time since I've screamed of the top of my lungs. My throat hurts now. I hit and scratched myself.. I got bruises all over my body now. I usually don't hit myself like that.. but today I lost all control.
The 'funny' things is that. I'm the type of girl who looks like she has it all together. The girl who does well all the time, the girl who always looks happy and smiles at other people. NO ONE would ever have guessed that the exact same girl would sit on the floor crying her eyes out. As I write this I've finally stopped crying. My head hurts a lot. I feel terribly alone. I feel like no one cares, because even though some people tell me they care for me, I don't think they fully show it. I need to see actions as a proof of their love to me. But all I ever get is words. Because when I really need them in times like these, they only care so little for me. And it hurts so badly... My heart hurts. It's probably the worst feeling I will ever know: Feeling unloved.. I get caught up in all my thoughts and right now it would be easier not to live. Because right now being in my body, living my life, isn't much fun. But in a couple of days I know that I will feel a bit better. I won't feel loved though, but I won't think about it as much as I do right now.
It's times like these where I hate my life. And I think that I probably aren't the only one struggling. Just know that if you are too, you are not alone.