Five years ago, a woman I dearly love and look up to completely told me that one of the things in this world I love most will always be there to welcome me home, and today I felt the truth behind those words. And I can't stop crying, because God, this means so much to me and I can't express with words how gut-wrenchingly happy it makes me to be back. You'd have to see me, crying uncontrollable, wrapped in my duvet on my bed half an hour after the end of the new beginning, to even understand a pinch of how much this means to me.

I am back. We are back. We are home.

And sure enough, I was warmly welcomed.

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I'm having one of those nights where my heart just longs for my future. I'm an ambitious, hopeful, optimistic person, and I'm hell bent on making my dreams reality, so for me the perfect future isn't a question of if, it's a question of when. And right now, I wish when was now.

Nowadays I often find myself being happy with how things are. I enjoy being young and growing and developing and working out what I want and what I love and who I am. But tonight, I feel empty in my bed-for-one in my disgustingly messy room-for-one, in my parents flat in the town I've lived in for ten years.

Tonight I wish I could turn over and huddle closer to a husband. Someone that I know that I'll be with forever. I want to be in a flat that feels like my own, I want to have a family of my own, a dog perhaps, routines and planners and a clean, beautiful environment. I want to play board games with my best friends and their husbands and I want to have brunch dates with my girls. I want to curl up with my soulmate to pray and read the Bible and wonder over our God together. I want to work with something that I love, so I can focus on climbing to the top rather than finding the ladder.

My heart is aching tonight, but that's okay. One day I know I'll fall asleep to the sound of a snoring husband and dog, knowing I'll wake up to beautiful, happy kids, and I'll have a passport full of stamps from my travels and I'll write in my planner and my journal. I'll eat a healthy breakfast, I'll drink cold brew and orange juice, I'll go to a job that I don't long to get home from and I'll feel full.

Tonight just isn't that night.

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Yesterday was low-key, cozy, and wonderful. Mum and dad took me out to breakfast, Wifey and I went out for fika and lunch (most filling. greek salad. EVER.), and I spent the evening with my church family. Good day, great people, greatest God.

Here's to my last year as a teenager. 19, here I come.

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Paydaaaaay = bill paying.

So today I worked and made a half-hearted attempt at cleaning my room and lamented that one of my besties are sick and won't be able to celebrate my bday with me. But oh well. It'll be a good day all the same.

Wearing this dope-ass jumper today, and I've booked one ticket to Stockholm for this Friday (more like FriYAY) and I've also booked another trip that I'll be making in a month. #teaser

Now, I'm going to clean my room up some more (so I can take semi-decent pictures tomorrow) and then I'm going to get an early nights sleep. I'll see y'all tomorrow.

  • Life
  • 15 readers

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I'm in bed and I'm going to go to sleep soon. I've had far too many late nights lately, and I really want to work towards becoming a morning person. It's going to be tricky, since I work a lot of night shifts, but I'm going to give it a try. I feel like my whole life will just align beautifully as soon as I clean my room and sort out my eating and sleeping habits.

Things are... gentle right now. I think that's the best way I can describe it. Most of life is just gentle. I went to the optician recently and earned a bunch of grownup points. I really need to speak to my dentist about my disastrous front teeth. I also need a haircut. I have a plan, a goal, a job, some structure, but not so much that it smothers me. Things are gently difficult and gently nice. I've found peace with who I am and where I'm going.

I'm seriously considering starting a journal. I've thought a lot recently about how much I wish I could read about my younger self and my thoughts on things, so I won't lose my perspective when I grow and forget, and now I just need to work out how I want to do it. I've seen some cool books that I'm considering, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I might use this blog. I might start a new one so I've got some more privacy than I've got now. We'll just have to see.

Also, it's my birthday in two days. #yas

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As suspected, I'm crap at blogging regularly. I've got an idea for something that might make me a lil bit better at it, but for now you'll just have to live with my irregularity or fuggedaboutme. Soz.

Life has been exciting and generally really enjoyable recently, with weddings and friends and work. One of my friends started working at my job, two of my friends got married, one of my friends sent me an early birthday gift all the way from Australia, and another has invited me further and deeper into her life. And dear God, I am so thankful for all the people contributing to making my life as light and bright and hopeful that it is right now.

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Tomorrow I'm taking part in my first ever bachelorette party, (OMG), and I am veeery exciteeed! But my excitement about the partay got be thinking, and I realized that there are a bunch of things, big and small, that I'm excited about right now. So I thought I'd share some with you. Because, y'know, positivity.

  • my first ever bachelorette party
  • my first ever wedding (that I remember and am invited to)
  • my nineteenth birthday
  • autumnal photoshoot
  • finally finishing cleaning my room
  • January 2018
  • having enough money to buy decent Christmas presents for the first time in my life
  • continuing to work on myself and my life
  • snow
  • Awakening Europe Conference
  • podcasts
  • seeing aussie again
  • finding more stuff to be excited about


Also, as an added bonus, I'll tell you some stuff I'm enjoying about life right now.

  • Pinterest
  • juice
  • coffeeeeeeeee
  • blankets
  • pjamas
  • my new poncho
  • LEAVES
  • getting closer with my work friends
  • getting closer with another dear friend
  • getting closer with my mum
  • bestie being home
  • my church
  • quotes


So yaaas things are good. Hope things are good with you too. Now enjoy all the terrible phone-pictures I'm about to share below, and have a good weekend.

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