It's crazy. As I'm typing this I have tears streaming down my face, trying to make sense of my emotions on a day like this.
Nov 13, 2016. On this day, 8 years ago, I lost my best friend Jameson. My cat. I don't care about your opinion about cats, but hopefully you will understand some of the grief I'm going through by keep reading this.
Thanks to Facebook, I get notified every year about what happened on this day. And believe me when I say that Nov 13, 2008 was a massively traumatic day in my life. I don't care if you're religious or what, but I'm spiritual. And I was bugging my boyfriend at the time when I had insane visions in my head of my cat dying. One day I even called him from work and asked him "Have you seen Jameson? I'm worried something will happen! Something is gonna happen to him, I know it!". And my lovely boyfriend kept trying to keep me calm by saying "It's OK, he's here now, you're freaking over nothing".
Then, on this fateful morning 8 years ago, I was awoken by a knock on our door. I literally tumbled out of bed and ran to answer, knowing exactly what had happened. It was our neighbor. She said a cat had been run over by a car, and she thinks it's Jameson. The panic that ensued... oh my god.. My boyfriend was already awake and aware of what was going on. Him and I ran across the road and spotted our BELOVED, beautiful cats body, lifeless on the side of the road. The shock that followed, the denial and enormous grief is hard to put into words, but let's just say I cried and puked nonstop, the rest of the day, and particularly while digging a grave for our Son in the garden, to give him a place to sleep, in the place he loved the most. (We 'rescued' Jameson from a neighbor who didn't want him. At the time of my boob job, this amazing feline spent all his time sleeping on my chest. I am entirely positive that thanks to his love, I healed up safely after surgery. It was his 'thank you' to me for bringing him into our home, and letting him stay)
My boyfriend at the time was a touring musician (still is). That was always fine by me, but the relationship me and Jameson had became so unique to the point that when Robin went away, Jameson knew when to sleep on Robins side of the bed. Jameson was never just a 'cat' or a 'pet' to me. Jameson was a friend, a healer and a soul that connected with my own soul. The bond we had was above most (if not all - well, alongside with my dog) connections I've ever had with other beings - human or animals. I understand it's hard for some to understand, but he showed me that true love can come from anywhere, anything and anybody.
This is why, on this date every year, I struggle to understand why my beautiful friend had to be taken away from me, in such a cruel way. The driver didn't stop. We had to pick Jameson's almost cold body from the street, wrap his bleeding head and body into his favorite blanket and put him in the grave we lovingly made for him. I swear, I changed that day. It's hard to explain, but this animal showed me that there's a bigger sense of love in the universe. You have to feel, and connect in order to understand how the world works. He surprised me. I didn't even want a cat!
I'm still crying typing this. The love I have for this boy will never die or end, but at the time I still had so much love to give, and the void in my heart pointed me to a cat, on a rescue website, in another city. A cat that had been hit by a car, left for dead and had his teeth knocked out and tail amputated. He couldn't even walk.I felt that I needed to help him.
A few phone calls and volunteer drivers later, this beautiful cat was in my house. I named him Owl Capone - his face looked like an owl and his markings/fur like a husky dog. Owl Capone. I was told to never let him out as he wouldn't last a day - he went from strength to strength and now completely recovered and happy. I am convinced we healed each other... So, on this day, the date I l lost my Jameson, seeing as we never knew when Capone was born or how old he was, I decided to make it a positive thing, and a special day to celebrate both of them. I have asked Robin to light a candle on Jameson's grave, and my friend Tania to give cuddles and birthday love to Capone today
Rest in peace beautiful Jameson. And happy birthday my gorgeous, happy little boy Capone. I LOVE you both so dearly it's hard to describe, but I had to put my feelings about this into words to make some sense of it all.
I have so much more to say but I'm gonna leave it like this. Maybe a friendly advice in there somewhere... - FEEL THE LOVE... regardless where it comes from... it might teach you something new..
Goodnight sweethearts. Love you, always forever <3
Hugging me this way while he sleeps...