Time goes by too fast... I mean soon it's December. I'm so happy for gaga's new album!! I had to buy it the first day they released it in the stores. What else.. I have tons of schoolwork but that is stuffed that I'm used to. Stuff I'm not used to is people who get pregnant in my age...Yeah, one of my friends is expecting her first baby and she and her boyfriend are studying so I'm kind of wondering how that is going to turn out.. 😄 anyhow I've been thinking how it'd be if it happened to me and how terrified I would be of the thought. I do have a thought of first study-then work for a while and then kids.... maybe. Life is so unpredictable it freaks me out a bit. Also the fact that people can say that they want to have kids before a certain age makes me irritated. Just live your life here and now.. don't be so future fixated for heaven's sake..

Another thing I've been thinking about is panic attacks. Why I have them more often when I'm drunk rather than when I'm sober. The first time I had one attack was sober at the gym... Back then I thought it was a heart attack. The difference between these to is the crying. I cry during the panic attack when I'm drunk. Not that 'I cry cause I want sympathy" kind of cry. It's rather the kind of cry where it feels like your out of breath and just want somebody to come and hug you. I don't know why I'm telling you all this but it calmes me knowing that I'm not the only one having this kind of problem. So that's why I write about it, rather than be ashamed about it.


Until later,

Heidi

Move your blog to Nouw - now you can import your old blog - click here!

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Hi! I have had a lazy Sunday and done some school work. Ready for the next week, simple as that!  😊

Until laterz,

Heidi

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Hello there.


I haven't written anything for a while. I have no other excuse than lack of motivation to write about my daily life. I know that it helps me to go through my emotions and feelings. When I'm writing this I'm just being overwhelmed by everything. I feel alone in my home because there are no one I could turn to in this town with these thoughts. Well enough of this crap. I'm here in the capital this weekend because I'm going to be serving food and drinks on a "sitz" tomorrow. From what I heard we're going to get some kind of revenge from the ones organizing it. Whoopsie.. We didn't think it through when we forced the waitresses on our sitz to drink 1,5 liters of champagne haha.

So today I've been to the gym, been to the market square and to the market hall. I tasted the world's best cupcakes. One of them had Marianne on the frosting. Delicious! Perfect for procrastinating all school work. Luckily all I have tomorrow is time so I will be more productive then.

Oh and I've started taking dance classes again. This time it's a new dance style. Reggaeton! So it's pretty hard to shake that ass to be honest.

​Take care,


Heidi

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So hi.


I don't really know why I'm writing this but it's making me feel better to get it written. I have had a lot of stress recently and still have. I really have to say I'm procrastinating just to avoid everything I have to do. School deadlines and now this new tutoring thing which involves a lot of planning and writing. Then I start overthinking and then I come home crying with a feeling my chest is going to explode. *almost a panic attack* So yeah there you go. That was last week.

I had my first panic attack two months ago and I didn't know what it was about. I was at the gym at the moment and thought I would have a heart attack or something until I realized that everything had to do with panic. I think that my panic and stuff has had to do with stress and me thinking I'm failing every essay because one failed and I have to write it again.  That failure feeling is really the worst. All these 'what if'-thoughts is killing me inside. And the worst thing I have experienced was being drunk and getting a panic attack. Maybe I shouldn't drink when I feel like crap. But whatever if people cry in public? I mean it's nothing wrong with that... people just stare and think WTF is wrong with that girl? Well, let's be clear here.. Life isn't dancing on roses and those who really think that they should open their eyes and realize that life isn't like in the movies.....

I'm fine, everything is ok..... No I'm not okay always.. Last time I felt like shit was yesterday and I felt like I could throw...

So dear readers, if there are any, I will be much happier when I have written every deadline which are too many right now, I will try to be happy about summer. Although I don't have a summer job. I'm just going to relax and not stress about aaaaanyything... Such an honest post.. wish I had written about this sooner. 




So long,



Heidi

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Hello!


Last time I wrote something here was about two months ago. Haha.

I have been working in a kindergarten for three weeks and yesterday we had our last lecture before the summer holiday! Those three weeks in the kindergarten was wonderful and made me more convinced that I've chosen the right subject to study. Children are so cute.

I only have a few deadlines left and then I'm free from the stress.

I'm really excited because I'll be tutoring the new first-year students next fall! I'm looking forward to it.


See you later,



Heidi


I have to recommend this place, Lone star restaurant in Turku.

Nice views in Ruissalo!

I just got to say I love this song ♥ here's a link to my own video from their concert --->

 https://www.dropbox.com/s/5p21sui9tw26izf/20160416_230337.mp4?dl=0 

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Hello!


So here's a recap of everything what I've been doing these past few weeks. I thought it would be nice with pictures instead of me writing humbug. I've celebrated my birthday with my friends here in Helsinki and in Turku. Last weekend was really fun with L and J. I've also bought new shoes, high heels in fact and new overall badges which I should glue onto the overall when I have got the time.


But now back to studying!



Take care,



Heidi​

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Hi!


So now I've started training pretty regularly, about 3-4 times a week. And holy crap I'm hungry all the time. I just read an article about weight loss and diets. It said that you shouldn't eat although you feel a little bit hungry cause it's your body that is getting used to the amount of energy that is being used and that you will need more fuel to keep going. So, I have been to the gym in the morning today and soon I'm off to a gym lesson which is an dance mix lesson. I'm so excited but I hope I won't faint because it might be intense. F*ck. Haha, if I fall I won't return to that gym anymore.


I will now get prepared so see you laterz!



Heidi

​Happy about finding these socks here in the XXL store! 

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So.. Now I'm back in my own room, finally own space. Nearly. Super weird to be back but I think I'll get used to this again. I'm soon going to bed and fortunately I only have one lecture tomorrow.


Take care,



Heidi

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Hi!


So..what have I been doing. I have written several essays these past few days and just.. been.

Last week I started at a new gym and it is so much better than the one I used to go to in the fall.

Looking forward training there. Next Sunday I'm going back to the capital. And my suicide room. Just kidding it's so tiny and distressing. So looking forward moving into an own apartment with own peace. Patience my dear. 

Oh, I forgot to mention that we will get our overalls soon. Have been waiting for them so there will be no need to stress about clothing anymore. 


Take care,



Heidi



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Hello!!

So today it's New Year's Eve. I've been waiting for this day the whole holiday. Sweet relatives have gone on my nerves so now it's time to be with friends. So excited.. Maybe too excited hah.


Feeling a little bit stressed at the same time. I have a couple of essays that needs to be written next week but I'm trying to forget that today.


Happy New Year everybody!


Heid

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