Started drawing on my way to work this morning... I barely ever do it anymore which is bad because well I love doing it ( when I have some inspiration) and it's also one of the few ways for me to relax.

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And here comes the night anxiety again, I don't know if I'll ever get rid of this.

These past nights I've had horrible nightmares that of course makes the whole falling asleep part a lot worse than it already is.

I have zero problem to sleep during the day but as soon as the darkness comes I kind of panic and the inner stress just gets too much!

Gonna take a pill and try to relax a bit since my alarm is set on 04.30 as all my workdays will be form now on.

Looking forward to another week that hopefully will go really damn fast.

Sleep tight babes.

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Breathtakingly beautiful.... you know when you meet someone that makes you loose your breath and you just can't help yourself from starring at them.

It's weird since everything else becomes blurry and all you see is that person in the room.

Ok I seem to be the cheesiest person on earth now and I'm really not! I just got a bit retarded when this happened and decided that it needed to be captured for all the times when I think that there's no good looking guys out there, I'm extremely picky apparently.

But this guy was just mesmerizing, the kind of douchebag look with nice eyes, exactly my type but just a bit out of my league.

However what I decided to do was retarded and apparently I wasn't so discrete about it as I thought.

I asked my brothers girlfriend to stand next to him so I just could pretend that I took pictures of her when In real life I was just a creep that wanted to have a picture of him.... I think that's a pretty normal thing to do though?

By the way I did this sweater yesterday , I'll show you guys a better pic later but I kinda love the color.

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I don't know if it's because I haven't slept that well or if I'm just having one of those days when I'm feeling low.
I feel fat and still everything I wanna do is eat which really doesn't make any sense.... I have a shit load of stuff to do but I just can't get myself out of bed. Gonna let it be like this just accept it and hope that it's over tomorrow.

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Late nights and early mornings are pretty much my life right now.
I woke up 30 minutes before I started work today because somehow I wasn't able to get up when the alarm was ringing .... it was so warm and cuddly in bed, I was honestly seconds away from staying there all day.
I was still able to get to work on time though which is pretty impressive to be me, the fact that I look and feel like shit is another thing.
However my weekend have been really good. Had a dinner on Friday with the whole team from Pearson and it feels better and better for each day that passes at my new job.

Saturday I spent with the family and ended up going out with my brother and his girlfriend which was really nice I just somehow get a bit retarded when I'm with him.
Dancing like a crazy person and making the guys in the night clubs look the other way, yeah that's me... being serious and trying to look sexy all the time is FUCKING boring!
Last but not least my Sunday I spent at the beach working on my tan that somehow have disappeared completely and I just ended up getting really red.
I spent the night at Jorge's place, watching a movie and staying up way tooooo late talking about spiritual stuff. I love talking about those kinda things since it's such a huge part of me and what I believe in. To talk about it was cool , the first time I didn't feel like a psycho.....

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The days are passing by so fast I barely have time for anything!
It's so many things to learn and do at work but I like it though and my colleagues are super sweet.
I just hate the public transport and after sleeping in Lisbon for two days In a row and being a bit spoiled with rides to work it feels even worse to get on the train at 6 tomorrow morning.
Really need to get my own place in Lisbon sooon or just a motorcycle that would also work.
However my mom is being a bitch at the moment and I'm in bed ready to sleep. It's weird how fast you get used to it, being able to talk to someone while falling asleep it's like a cure for anxiety.

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My day started in a incredibly good way with a package from grandma filled with new lingerie, candy and magazines , what more can you ask for ? I'm a sucker for lingerie but most guys doesn't deserve to see it though so I just use it to make myself feel fabulous.
I've also had 2 interviews and I will start the training for the new job on Monday!!!! I don't think anyone can understand how happy I'm that this whole recruitment process is over.... I can finally relax.
Tonight it looks like I'll be celebrating it by going out for dinner and drinks with a friend and of course we'll be watching the game between Portugal and the Faroe Islands.

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I wrote about how daydreaming is bad for you and how it makes us have unrealistic expectations.... but still I'm a dreamer? Isn't that really weird?

I just try not to dream about people( sometimes it's hard though when you like someone I must admit that).

However my absolute favorite question is" are you a dreamer or a realist?" because I think it says a lot about the person. since I'm a dreamer I would never be able to be with someone that is 100% realist. I need someone that can get a bit carried away with me and still can take me down to earth from time to time....


Where do you see yourself in 5 years?


* in your career ? This is one of the things I haven't really figured out yet but I will definitely be doing something creative. something where I can constantly learn new things and grow in my business role. Maybe it will be in sales, art, design you never know.


* where do you live ? In a house with 3-4 bedrooms, a big yard where I can have my dog and maybe one or two cats( castrated though because I definitely don't want another cat farm... I don't even think kittens are cute anymore that's how far it have gone). I wanna have orange trees and flowers all over the place and a long table that fits family and friends when we're having a BBQ. I wanna have lights hanging in the trees and over the table lol now you see that I'm getting a bit lost in my dream world... maybe I should draw it someday? 


* How's your family? In 5 years I definitely have a little kiddo of my own maybe a second one on the way eheh . I'm with a guy that gets along with my crazy family and that makes me feel safe, loved and adventurous.


* what goals have you accomplished? I speak Portuguese fluently, I have succeeded with my secret project and I am free from my inner struggles.


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How come you always look like shit after sleeping at someone else's place?

You wake up feeling like something the cat dragged in or maybe it's just me who feels that way? Coming home with your hair in a mess but the worst part of all the same Clothes.... there's not much that I hate more than that.

However That's my own fault for being tooo stressed and not thinking about maybe having some extra clothes in my bag and a hairbrush!

Enough whining I had a great night, we ordered Chinese food and saw a super bad horror movie but that doesn't really matter when you have really good company.

At the moment I'm sitting by the beach and having my morning coffee while preparing for the last English interviews in this extremely long process of getting this job....

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I got a call from the company yesterday saying that they had a different project that fits my profile better than the one at staples. One where I will have the same salary just better work hours 8-17 Monday to Friday. So I'm free every weekend instead of working shifts ?!?! Which means that I can actually have a life and plan things.

The training is only 6 days though instead of 3 weeks and I have to pass the test in the end of it but I have a good feeling about it

However they would get back to me tomorrow.... this waiting and recruitment process is making me feel a tiny bit sick but I'm sure it will be just fine.

This is pretty much everything my life is about at the moment, busy days working and then I get to spend the nights with loved ones. Going to the cinema, drinking wine,having dinner with friends , cuddling up in bed with a movie yeah that's how I like to spend my nights.

What else?

the football season have started again and I so wanna go and see a game at the stadium !!! I still haven't been able to decided which team I like the most here in Portugal yet but hopefully I'll figure it out soon enough.


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