So I'm going to expose myself and write this blogpost in English! I'm kind of nervous because I know that my Swedish friends and my Swedish family will read this but also other exchange students and my american friends, but it's okay. The reason why I write this in English is because i don't know how to describe my feelings in Swedish anymore, at last not my deeper feelings and I want my american friends to understand without having to use some crappy translation.
So on Thursday, we had our theatre banquette at primetime, and it was so much fun. We started off with awards and I got one for ''Swedish (Sweetest) girl'' or something like that and it was really cute, and Peyton was the one giving it to me because she came up with it, love her!! She is so sweet. After that the juniors did a senior sketch and it was so funny, they really captured the personalities or ''accomplishments'' of the seniors, for example we all know that Maddie Murgia would ''do anything for comedy'' or that John Baker ''always'' rips his pants...Anyway it was funny.
We had dinner, we talked, took pictures, Mr shoemake handed out awards too and then... speeches. It started off pretty random when a girl walked up and just said thank you and how thankful she was for theatre and so on and everyone else started to have a little speech, including my self.
I walked up there and I was looking out on all of the people in front of me, my third family and all I could feel was pain and of course happiness, all mixed together. I had already been crying from all the speeches before mine but I started of with saying ''soooooo.. I'm not gonna cry because I've been crying myself to bed this whole month'' (overreacting, but almost). I continued with saying ''Going to another country is scaring and...'' I didn't make it further and the tears where rolling down my cheeks. I don't even remember what I said after that. All I know is that my heart literally broke into one million pieces, because I knew that if it weren't because off all the people in front of me, I wouldn't made it this far.
My friends that I got the opportunity to be in both plays and the musical with, are all so talented and I'm so proud over every single one of them and it has been amazing to se how much all of them grew over this past school year. I'm so happy that I, Frida from Sweden, got to witness that.
I said thank you for taking care of me and I mentioned som specific memories, like how Maddie came up too me one day several months ago and told me to join beauty and the beast. How John introduced me to everyone and made sure everyone was taking care of me. How I signed Kobe's get better card after he got a spider bite (....) even though I'd never meet him. My first day at rehearsal for beauty and the beast and how I thought everything was chaos, no one knew what they where doing and that I was so confused. I told them how proud I am of every single one of them, for all the things they have achieved this year and that I'm excited to se what the future holds for them. I also told them that I was proud over myself, that I was brave enough to spread my wings, that I tried to fly and that I landed here, among all of these people and I did encourage them all to do the same. To spread their wings and try to fly.
I am so incredible thankful!! I know i've already said it so many times in this blogpost but it is true. Jared that had his little speech before me said that high school can be scary, and you need to find your place and figure out where you are supposed to be and that really touched me. While I was standing up in from of all the people and when I saw their eyes all teared up and their attempt to smile towards me, I realized that right there and then, There was only one place I was supposed to be and it was here, in Abilene, with them.
I walked down to my seat again and Maddie stood up to give me a hug and then John came running. At this time I'm sobbing and I can't even talk. We held each other for a few minutes and that was the most painful hug I've ever experienced. I didn't know what to say or what to do, i whispered in Maddies ear ''I love you so so much! My heart hurts just by the thought of leaving you, I don't know what to do'', and it really did. My heart was really hurting and it was awful. She is after all one of my best friends and to knowledge off not knowing when I'll se her again really sucks. It really does.
Efter all the speeches where done we took pictures and I said good bye to almost everyone that was there and once again, tears. I never knew that saying goodbye would be this hard, but now I know. And even if it made me really upset, oh well, it still makes me upset but I had to be thinking positive. All the tears I'm letting out now is worth it. I have so many great memories and friendships from this year and I would totally cry my eyes out over and over again just to relive those memories. Every single tear is the price I have to pay for going on an exchange. All the tears and sobbing is a proof of how much I love and how many great things that happened to me this year that I have to leave behind. I hold so much for this place and people, therefore it's worth it and I would never ever change that.
As Winnie the Puh once said ''How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodby so hard''.
If you don't believe me about the whole crying my eyes out and sobbing part, look for yourself.