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Evening strolls along the thames, planning a new future, Brighton, a munchkin turning 3, bike rides who ended not so well, shoes, saying goodbye to best friends, fancy salons, holidays in Sweden, delayed flights, platform 9 3/4, watching the sunrise at Primrose Hill, Brighton w/ lil munchkin, Five Guys, babychinos on rainy days, Warner Bros studio tours, Cocktail Week, making new friends, finding new favourite coffee spots, having a cousin visiting, leaving my part-time job at GBK, finding a massive love for the gym, dating, hangovers, Winter Wonderland, Lucia choir, cinema dates w/ lil EP, Christmas and New Years in Sweden, reuniting with my absolute favourites, taking my mum back to the UK for a week, dating, meeting new friends, National Gallery, photography, 90's party, celebrations, Brixton, Vauxhall, Paris, falling in love, new tattoo, reuniting with friends, enjoying the sunny spring, turning 21, celebrating, getting a full-time job offer, signing contracts on house/job, surprise visit in Sweden, last day as an au pair, coffee dates, IKEA shopping, babysitting, starting a full time job, making latte art, endless dancing at The Slug in Fulham, late nights, early mornings, tanning on rooftops, sharing feelings over rosé, getting a nose piercing, chopping off the lions mane, pride, Paris with the fam, Disneyland, plus (apparently) a British/Australian/New Zeeland/South African accent.
I've been in London for two years today and I still love it as much as I did 524 days or even 2 days ago, if not even more. Let's make two three, because I'm not going home quite yet.
I’m 21 years old, or to be more exact; I’m 21 years, 1 month and 23 days. I used to think I would have my life sorted to 99% by now, but as time has gone I have also realised that having your life sorted to at least 99% when you’re 21 is quite an unrealistic sort of goal to have.
A somewhat more realistic goal is to find happiness, or at least what happiness means right now. I have so many things that used to be what happiness ment to me that I now absolutely can not relate to happiness now. There’s been lots of things that’s been contributing to what has made me feel happy in the past, that I’m now not really associate with happiness at all. And I find it weird that things that used to make me feel the most happy now makes me feel angry, sad or a bit miserable. But on the other hand I have figured out things that has also stuck with me from day one, and probably will stick with me and my view of happiness until the day I’m no longer here.
One of the happiest days in my life were 21st of July 2015, the day when I finally moved to London. Moving here has absolutely made me a happier person, not just because I fulfilled a dream of mine, took a huge step and went in the opposite direction of what most of the other friends my age did. I have gained so much confidence just by moving here without knowing anyone, trusting myself and just live without any direct pressure from the kind of society I used to be in. I’m happy that I managed to stand up for myself and what I wanted to do, not what anyone else wanted me to do or fit in.
Along the way I have discovered that I constantly need new challenges to feel happy, and that’s part of why I changed from Au Pair to Barista/F&B assistant at Hilton and moving to my own place. I needed a change, and change makes me feel happy.
It amazes me every day that I find new ways to feel happy, not just through family, friends, change and other obvious reasons. I need happiness to function, just like everyone else. The thing is that what I’ve got and what makes me happy, might not make you happy.
I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my life and which decisions will make me feel happy for a longer period of time. I can not say for how long London and the UK will make me feel happy, maybe I need something bigger than this or something much much smaller. It’s all about trying to achieve a few goals at a time that may add up to a bigger one in the end, but we all will have time to figure out it along the way, even though you’re 12, almost 23 or 87 years old. Just don’t stress any decisions, it will become clear as time passes by.
It might be tattoos, traveling, dogs, makeup, gym, strolling around discovering new thing with friends, buying that one thing you've been longing to have, photography, baking, getting respected, learning coffee art, finding true love or breaking old habits. Time will tell,
A couple of days ago I turned 21. Twenty one, can we just take a moment to let that sink in. TWENTY ONE. And to be completely honest I probably need more than just a moment, because it is a bit weird.
It’s weird because I thought I would have my whole life figured out by now, but I haven’t. I don’t know what or IF I even want to study. Do I even know what I want to be when I grow up? A part of me wants to become a policewoman, but then again maybe a hairdresser and a dolphin trainer, but then again, I still am dreaming of becoming a princess. I have got time to figure things out, which I am in the middle of doing, and what’s so good about it is that I don’t have to rush things, at least not for another couple of years. Although 10 year old Frida would probably panic a bit, realising she only would have another 2 years to get pregnant, married and get her shit together. All I know for sure now, 10 years later is that a) I don’t want to have babies or get married by 2019 and b) I don’t want to live in Sweden. That could of course change, probably a billion times or so, but I’m pretty sure about this. I have lived in London for almost 2 years now and the things I miss, apart from my fam (obvious shot there), are not that many. I can get hold on most of the things I miss in the Scandi/Swedish shops here PLUS Tesco have started selling gifflar. Not that I’ve ever been a massive fan of them, but I mean, IF I ever get a craving they’re there for £1.50. And you do learn to love other things as well. I’ll probably survive wherever I end up, depends on if they start selling quality sparkling water all over the world, life without Loka is a bit sad, I must admit.
Anyhow, my year was 20 started off with a brunch with my 3 best friends plus my mini bestie and ended with me being surprised by my family at Las Iguanas, where we sat having some casual b-day drinks. If you know me, you also know that it is extremely hard to keep secrets and surprises from me, we’re talking an absolute extreme level of not being able to keep secrets from me. But somehow both Emma and my family managed to do so. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier they did.
Everything that happened from my birthday to the beginning of September is a big blur, both in a good and a bad way, because a lot, and I really do mean a lot, of things happened. My bestie from back home visited and I got to show her the town I’ve fallen in love with all over again and again, I met Amanda for the first time, whom ended up being one of my closest friends ever, Emma and I set up a budget and made a perfect plan of how to survive the London life, started looking at flats, applied for a billion jobs, went back to Sweden for a week, threw myself into bringing comfort and safety to my two wonderful girls who lost their dad, got a paper plane tattoo, got myself a part time job at GBK, discovered my favourite place in London, made a flower crown from expensive flowers and celebrated midsummer in Hyde Park with other drunk Swedes, fell off a bike, broke two phones, had a meltdown, Emma moved back home, got my hair done at the salon I’ve dreamt of for months, had another week in Sweden, laughed so much at the airport with my mum that the security guards even giggled and then I went back home, home to London.
I didn’t really have a good moment to breathe or think, everything just happened and I was not prepared to both feel everything and nothing at the same time. I just tried to live normal, even though everything was a big mess. But at the same time I learned so many things about myself, my strengths and weaknesses.
Autumn and winter went by surprisingly quickly, because I had lots of things planned. I had to keep myself busy, because I didn't want my feelings to catch me, to tell me to slow the fuck down and actually take a moment to breathe. I had my family coming over for London Cocktail Week, my cousin came over with a ton of Loka and lots of energy and then all of a sudden it was December. The month where I pretty much spent my time working, singing and doing lots of performances as well as going to Sweden for almost three weeks. Squeezed all the people I had longed to squeeze, met amazing new people and celebrated New Years with some of the most wonderful people on earth, all wearing PJ’s.
Mum came back with me for a week in London with me, giggling, crying with laughter and just having an amazing time, trying to making me wiser and make me think and accept my feelings and thoughts. I’ve come closer to friends here and friends in Sweden, which I’m so incredibly happy for.
The past couple months have left me with plenty of time to think and feel, two of the things I’m still not the biggest fan of doing. But at the same time it has been such an important thing for me, even though I still overthink things a fucking ton. Twenty year olds do, not all of them, but I do. And I think I’ve been doing so just to protect myself. I don’t want to be scared or hurt, and especially not have people knowing and noticing that I am. But feelings are meant to be felt, all of them. It is okay to be happy, anxious, nervous, frustrated, weak, in love and everything else. They are just feelings, trying to say that your body is working, you’re feeling something and you shouldn’t be afraid. And right now, I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid because I have everything I need right now. There’s no need of worrying about tomorrow or next week, because we don’t know what’s gonna happen. Even though you may overthink, which is more than okay btw (even though it may drive your friends crazy), you might just have to let it go and live for what is actually happening now, not in a week or two.
What started with a surprise ended with me being a tad more home in myself. It absolutely took me a while to accept, to accept the fact that I really do like myself for who I am, and not for someone society would like me to be. I’ve learned to like my body, how it looks, and I am finally happy with it, I feel more confident now than I did on the 14th of April 2016. I have found something I really enjoy doing six days a week, something I have dedicated early mornings and late nights to: the gym. I bloody love going there, it has become my happy-place, somewhere I feel safe and don’t have to care about anything else than what I am doing there and then. I have gained so much more confidence, but not nearly as much as I probably need, because I am still so incredibly insecure about things, not that it actually matters, but at the same time, no one is perfect. It’s absolutely okay to not be 100% confident and happy att all times, because I’m not, which is also something I have mastered this year: getting my emotions and feelings under control, which hasn’t been the easiest. I mean, I’m still trying to tame my anxiety, which is not easy. But I’m slowly getting there. And although I’m not there yet, I still feel like home.
Because I’m home, even though I’m not. Home is a safe place, a place where you can let all your emotions out, ugly cry if you really need to, laugh so much you get a tummy ache, sing out loud in the shower, be carefree and feel loved. It’s a place to just be exactly who you are, even if that’s dreaming about becoming a princess. Home is so much more than a place to live, and that is also why I chose to say goodbye to 20 with a new tattoo. Home, I’m finally here.
Just now as I’m writing this I’m on my way to Paris. And guess what? It’s been 10 years since I last went. If I feel old? Maybe, just a tad or so. I mean I can say that it was 10 year since I visited a place, that’s a sigh, eh?! Anyhooooow, I survived the tunnel, yep, the one under water, the one I’ve been dreading for so long. But I survived, haha! Kinda tried to calm myself down as I put my face on, so I both look alive and am a lot calmer.
Not too sure if I mentioned that Ellen has been staying at mine this week as well. But yeah, that’s what she’s been doing: staying at mine and helping me out with little E. We’ve been outside a lot, since it’s been surprisingly good weather this week with 17 degrees and sunshine?! I mean, that’s what Sweden is like in early June, so we were all quite chocked.
We made my host dad a very chocolatey cake since it was his birthday: chocolate sponge, Toblerone fluff, all topped with a dark chocolate ganache, strawberries and dammsugare. Must sat everyone was pretty happy with that!
Anyhooooow, I’m super excited for Paris, and I think Ellen is a bit tired if me since I’ve talked about this a ton now the past week. For once I’ve actually brought my camera with me, so there’ll be a looooot of pics coming, if I manage to bring it with me hahah. We’ll see if I actually can be arsed to do so. I mean camera + a small bag is a lot to take if you’re the queen of laziness.
Oh hi there a month later, I'm clearly not good at blogging anymore. Who could've even thought that the girl with 10 blogs would end upp being the worst blogger ever? Yeah, chocker I know. This is also when I say I should be better at doing this and that you'll see a new update soon. But I mean, let's be honest here shall we, we know it's not gonna happen.
But yes, hi hello I'm alive. And gosh I don't even know myself what I've been up to the past mont, but according to my camera roll: plenty!
A couple of friends and I gathered to celebrate Malin who turned 21. So we had dinner and drinks at a Bills, headed to the Swedish Eurovision after party, sweated a lot, dropped off Malin and her friend at Marble Arch where Therese, Sofie and I decided to have a snack at Maccas and after that continued to walk down to Hyde Park Corner where we said adios.
T and I spent a couple of hours at the British museum, which was amazing. For real, do visit it!!! Unfortunately they were about to close when we were admiring all the old books which kinda broke our hearts a tad.
E and I have spent a lot of time out in different parks recently and fallen in love with Clissold park, again. She's a bit obsessed with the goats there and likes talking to them, which is absolutely adorable.
We've had lots of play dates as per usual, with Therese and L! Lots of swimming and cute snaps included,oh and food. Amazing food!
Ellen and I went to Ikea on one of my days off. Had meatballs, bought pick&mix and dreamt about future apartments.
Last week Ellen had to stay at ours since her host fam more or less kicked her out. So we've been having a week filled with pjs party, giggling late at night, endless tea breaks, pretty damn good food and lots of Swedish sweets (she's been feeding me with Marabou aka Swedish chocolate). We also got invited to a fancy art launch with Tayla, but we ditched it after half an hour for a late night hot choc at Grind.
And that's that pretty much, a couple of coffee dates, some fika and work as per usual!
Got a pretty great month ahead of me; Paris this weekend, the weekend after that Emma and I will finally reunite for a couple of days, we've also got Amanda coming over on my birthday which is exactly a month away today! Yaii!
It's 4PM and still sunny! E and I are currently in the park having a play, wearing sunnies and drinking coffee/babychino. I just really love sitting in the park, watching all the kiddos play with each other. They all make each other so incredibly happy and smiley, going on the seesaw or sliding down the slide together with whom was a stranger just a second ago. That, yes that makes me really happy!
Anyhow, what have E and I been up to lately? Lots, I must say. This week has been busy, since it's half term (aka the week almost every single nanny/au pair hates the most). Yes, it means more work but also activities and stuff that are FILLED with parents/careers/kids, which can be a living hell sometimes, haha! But E and I have somehow missed all these activities with lots of people, apart from Swedish Church. We've been out in parks, saying hi to goats, baked cinnamon buns, cooked food, painted our nails, gone swimming with Therese and L and just been playing at home, making sure to spend all the time possible having fun!
What else has been going on? Last week I got a mystery parcel delivered from my parents filled with chocolate, bilar, and two basic tee's (mummy knows what I need, hehe). I've also spent my Friday with Ellen having a movie night in with Kinder eggs, Pepsi and chick flicks! Met up with Elsa on Saturday for a stroll on Broadway Market as well as a coffee in the most amazing coffee shop around the corned from mine! Met up with Ellen and Tayla, for a Swedish taco night and kladdkaka for dessert, which was an absolute success, one happy Aussie, two very happy Swedes! Been going on dates as well (with the same guy), and spending lots of time in the gym. No surprise really, eh?!
And that's about it really. Tonight I'm babysitting, or as E and I are calling it; having a pj's party. We've loaded up with lots of nice food, snacks, coconut water for E, frozen grapes and we're gonna have an epic night. Probably will end up falling asleep next to her, though. Because guess who's absolutely knackered? If you guessed me, you're absolutely correct.
Klockan är 16 och det är fortfarande soligt! E och jag är just nu i parken och leker lite, har solglasögon på och dricker kaffe/babychino. Jag älskar verkligen att sitta i parken och se alla barn leka med varandra. De gör varandra så himla glada när de leker ihop, utan att ens bry sig det minsta om vem den andre är, för de blir kompisar just där och just då. Det gör mig verkligen glad!
Men men, vad har jag och E gjort den senaste tiden? Hur mycket som helst, om jag ska vara ärlig. Denna veckan har varit ganska galen, då det är lov-vecka här (den veckan ingen ser fram emot, alla hatar den). Lov betyder också mer jobb, men också att alla aktiviteter och sånt är proppat med föräldrar, nannies, au pairer och barn som ska trängas på ett och samma ställe, vilket är hemskt, haha! Men jag och E har på något sätt lyckats undvika alla dessa aktiviteter fyllda av människor, förutom Svenska Kyrkan, så klart. Vi har istället varit ute och lekt i parker, pratat med getter, bakat kanelbullar, lagat mat, målat naglarna, simmat med Therese och L och bara varit hemma och lekt och sett till att ha hur roligt som helst all den tid vi spenderat tillsammans!
Annars då? Förra veckan fick jag ett mystiskt paket levererat från mamma och pappa fyllt med marabou, bilar och två bastoppar (mamma vet vad jag behöver, hehe). Fredagen spenderades med Ellen hemma hos mig framför en film med Kinderägg och Pepsi! I lördags träffade jag Elsa för att strosa runt lite på Broadway Market och sedan gå bort till ett mysigt café/rosteri som ligger ett stenkast från mig! Träffade Ellen och Tayla på kvällen för en svensk taco-kväll med kladdkaka till efterrätt, vilket blev en succé. En glad australiensare och två glada svenskar, helt enkelt! Har gått på lite dejter också (med en och samma kille) och spenderat ganska mycket tid på gymmet. Förvånande, va?!
Och det är nog det faktiskt. Ikväll ska jag sitta barnvakt, eller som jag och E brukar kalla det: vi har pyjamasparty! Vi har laddat upp med massa god mat, snacks, kokosvatten till E, vindruvor som vi stoppat in i frysen och vi ska ha världens mysigaste kväll! Kommer antagligen somna bredvid henne, dock. För gissa vem som är helt död? Om ni gissade att det var jag, då har ni rätt!
For the past FIVE, yes I repeat, f i v e months, Therese and I have been talking constantly about where we'd like to dance our butts off, sing on top of our lungs and be so freakin' happy. We've been trying out a couple of places, had plenty of fun, but still been talking a lot, about going to the Electric Ballroom for their 90's & early 00's party, which is hosted by Bring It All Back. But on Friday we F I N A L L Y went. Let me tell you that those five months have been worth the wait!!!!!
We went all in with the 90's theme, because let's face it, there's no fun in NOT going all in on a themed night out, okay?! So we both had space buns, did some sections with pastel hair chalks, glittery hairspray, brown lipstick, hoops, chokers, crop-tops, high waisted jeans, shirts tied around our waists and trainers with that. I literally felt like a spice girl, and I think the both of us will be glittering for at least a week now, haha!
Så, de senaste FEM, jag repeterar, f e m månaderna, har Therese och jag konstant pratat om vart vi vill gå ut för att dansa loss, skriksjunga till alla låtar och vara så otroligt lyckliga. Vi har prövat några klubbar, haft superkul, men ändå pratat sååå himla mycket om att gå till Electric Ballroom för att gå på deras 90-tals/tidigt 00-tals party, vilket Bring It All Back anordnar. Men i fredags så gick vi Ä N T L I G E N. Och alltså det var verkligen värt att vänta fem månader!!!!
Vi gick verkligen all in på hela 90-tals temat, för alltså det är ju inte roligt att INTE göra något speciellt när det är en temakväll, okej?! Så båda två slog på stort och hade space buns, pastelliga slingor, glitterspray, brunt läppstift, ringar i öronen, chokers, magtröjor, högmidjade jeans, skjortor knutna runt midjan och gympadojjs till det. Jag kände mig som en spice girl och med närmare eftertanke tror jag nog att både Therese och jag kommer glittra i alla fall en vecka nu, haha!