There’s this one guy… or to be honest, there are actually lots of guys, guys/men/boys/males/dudes. And all I can say is that I want you to back off. Especially late at night, or actually, now when I think about it, it would be quite nice if you could back off whenever I want you to. When I’m walking home from the shops, when I’m just going around the corner to grab a coffee, when I’m walking back home from the gym, walking from the station back home, when I’m drunk, when I’m sober, when I’ve been out dancing with my friends or even if I’m just getting back home from work late at night or even when I’m in the playground or on my way home from there, I want you to back off. Because I want to be able to do all those things above without you shouting, catcalling, making noises, telling me how nice my ass looks or looking at me from bottom to top, telling me that you’d like to push me against the wall and all the things that goes with that. You guys/men/boys/males/dudes who does this, you all become this one guy, this one guy who makes me not want to leave my house without having my phone glued to my hand, texting my friends, forcing friends to be my fake boyfriend for the short while it takes me to go from the bus stop to my house.
It should not be like this, not at all. Because I want to be able to go outside my house, not feeling scared or worried. And right now I can’t.
The other day when E and I was walking down the road, on our way to the park, we walked past this man who turned around, looked at me from bottom to top, stared into my eyes telling me exactly how badly he wanted to fuck me against that wall right there at that exact moment. The three year old girl I’m looking after is NOT supposed to grow up hearing that when the two of us are on our way to the park. Because it si not the first nor the last time it’s gonna happen. It has happened before, people catcalling on me whilst walking with her. And she knows, so incredibly well that something is wrong whenever it happens, because she can see it and feel the entire vibe. She is NOT supposed to grow up with that.
I’m tired of being scared, knowing that I can’t walk in old, gross, oversized pyjama shorts and a hoodie, without wearing any makeup and having the hair looking greasy in a messy bun, to the café just around the corner to grab myself a coffee in the morning, because I will get catcalled on, hearing stuff I don’t want to hear at all, from anyone. But most of all I’m sick of being scared when walking home when it’s dark outside, having guys following me to my door. It freaks me out e v e r y single time. My heart shouldn’t be able to beat that fast those 200 m I’m walking from the bus stop home. I can wear anything from gym gear to a dress and heels to jeans and trainers, I still get followed, having guys pulling up in their cars, wanting to have a quick chat about my ass or how lonely I look, if I want to get to come with them. But I do not want to.
What I want is to be able to wear whatever I’d like to, having my hair as greasy, messy or perfect as I feel like having it, wearing a ton of makeup, having that eyeliner and those lashes on point, not wearing any makeup at all, looking my best or looking my worst, without worrying that I’m going to be followed home, being asked to show you my pretty smile, because you just gave me a compliment about my good looking ass or told me exactly in detail what kind of dirty things you’d like to do with me.
So dear guys/men/boys/makes/dudes who thinks this is okay, grow the fuck up.