Some time ago I wrote about change, not really touching anything in particular or extremely personal. But this time I want to get deep, personal and give my own views on this, because I genuinely am passionate about this very thing, mostly because this past year I have done a lot of changes in my life, tried new things and have both positive and negative things come out from it.
Exactly one year ago today I decided to try out going to the gym again and become as consistent as I possibly could. I started watching youtube videos to get some inspiration, motivation and a little kick of confidence. I changed brunch dates with friends, lay-ins, breakfast in bed and just being lazy in general to power walks to the gym, 45min-1,5h sessions and having a routine 6 out of 7 mornings. I started seeing change, my mental health got better; I felt less anxious, not as stressed and worried about things. With me feeling less anxious and stressed came more energy, energy to actually do more things with little E and my friends. I got happier, because I boosted myself and changed my mindset, I started believing in myself, pushing myself to lift heavier, trying new exercises and changing up my routines.
Changes also happens with seasons, and going from summer to autumn and winter is not really my favourite. It gets darker, colder and being an au pair autumn means your bestest of friends will leave, but also new ones will come and become your new favourite people to hang out with, even though they might be your stalker. We made the most out of last autumn, movie-nights, KOKO, finding hidden brunch gems in Kentish Town, having wine nights watching Mamma Mia or just arrange not so boring play dates with your host kids, going back to Sweden, visiting the bestest of people in they home towns, dyeing your hair grey or simply just having your mum coming back with you for a week, instead of having the whole family coming over.
I have discovered over the past year what dating really is and how falling for someone is supposed to feel, as well as how it’s not supposed to feel, which in one way changed my view completely on this whole dating thing. As a person from a country with a weird relationship to the whole dating-thing, you never really know what to expect. And I must say that moving here just threw me into it, which took me a year and a half to adapt to. Because all of a sudden you get a whole new perspective of what it really means. It is important to learn, to get to know yourself in a new setting with a new concept in front of you, but also its fascinating to learn about the other person on a whole other level than what it would be if Sweden was the country the scene were set in. And I can actually say that a change like this has made an impact on me, because I’ve got a better understanding of it.
It will be hard though, especially when you are the one giving 110% in a relationship and the other part is barley, halfheartedly giving you 45. Your friends will tell you not to care anymore and you will have less energy and not even be willing to give your 110%. You will cry because you think you are in love, because it will hit you that you can’t give 100% all the time and barley get 45 back. But it will also be incredibly important to realise this, to have the support from friends who probably told you to more or less give up ages ago. You will change your mind again, thinking dating is not for you. But eventually, after some time you might find someone, someone who is willing to meet in the middle of the non-dating culture you’re born and bred into, and actually dating. Even though you might have tonsillitis the first time you meet, are going out together with friends and getting really drunk to wake up together, hungover as fuck and have Maccas for breakfast in bed. You will actually like it. Because to not rush things is incredibly important, it gives you time to crush, fancy and maybe even fall in love, but not by stress or pressure.
Another thing that changed pretty quickly for me was moving out and changing jobs, breaking up from the family thing and move out for real. It took a lot of courage to do it, but throwing yourself into finding a flat/house and okay flatmates in London can be challenging, especially after leaving you family in Sweden for a second family in the UK and then literally throw yourself into it. It all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to overthink.
I changed playdates, bouncy castles, picnics in parks, swings and babysitting for working for a huge company, making coffees, restocking shelves, being in a uniform and getting fascinated by the big hotel/hospitality lifestyle and the people I served and worked with.
And change is happening again, soon, in two weeks exactly. I am leaving Hilton, automatic coffee machines, uniforms,a Hotel with 3 different wings, almost 1100 rooms and colleagues I absolutely love. I have realised it’s time for me to grow a bit more than what I have done already, working and living here in the UK. It’s time for me to challenge myself, change my routines and change my job title again. I’m leaving automatic coffee machines for manual ones and speciality coffee. Another dream coming true.
Maybe a few things will change again soon. I might fall in love, get a new hobby, move house, change gym routines. One big change this year though is that I’m not home for Christmas, but the ones I feel the most home with are coming here to celebrate Christmas with me, where I now feel like home.