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Det är sjukt helt enkelt, sjukt vad ren och skär genuin lycka kan göra med en. Jag kan helhjärtat säga att jag har varit lycklig 2017, och jag är stolt. Jag är fullkomligt glad och stolt för allt jag har gjort i år. Allt som jag har gjort som jag aldrig någonsin trott att jag skulle göra just i år, eller någonsin för den delen. Jag har överträffat mig själv, mina förväntningar och skitit i andras åsikter och förväntningar på hur jag ska vara, bete mig och handla. Jag har alltså bara levt upp till det jag har velat åstadkomma, vara och känna, utan någon som helst dålig press från andra.

Egentligen är det sjukt hur mycket detta året har gjort för och med mig. Det klickade tillslut, mellan livet och mig själv. Och det har verkligen bara känts så oerhört bra, för jag har tagit mig tid att lyssna på mig själv, bearbetat det och hittat min grej. Alltså vet ni hur sjuk den känslan är, när du bara känner att varenda liten grej är rätt, rakt igenom. Det går inte ens att beskriva.

Gång på gång har jag bara förvånat mig själv i år, tänkt tanken att det kanske varit dags att ta nästa steg, gå utanför min comfort-zone och utmana mig själv till att göra de där sakerna som kanske känts lite läskiga för att t.ex. min familj och vänner hemma i Sverige inte kunnat vara med på samma sätt att stötta mig i det hela. Men jag har gjort a l l t ändå. För jag har trott på mig själv.

Jag valde att se bortom nanny- och au pair jobb när jag letade jobb i våras och halkade in på Hilton som barista i kafét på hotellet som serverade Starbucks, letade och hittade ett rum att hyra i ett område jag aldrig ens tänkt på att åka till tidigare, flyttade dit och lämnade min älskade extrafamilj i Hackney, vilket skrämde mig hur mycket som helst till en början. Men jag gjorde det.

Jag försökte ta nästa steg i att överkomma min rädsla för nålar och gaddade mig ännu en gång samt piercade näsan, där jag såg kanylen stickandes ur näsan och var tvungen att blunda, men ändå. Jag gjorde det, även om jag var rädd. Jag tog tag i min hälsa, både mentalt och fysiskt. Jag blir stolt när jag inser att all den tiden jag lagt ner faktiskt har gett resultat psykiskt och fysiskt.

Tog mig även ifrån ett jobb jag inte kunde utvecklas vidare i och är så otroligt glad att jag gjorde det, för alltså hur kan man inte älska att jobba med likasinnade människor som ständigt är fulla av hur go energi som helst?! Och håller dessutom på att flytta tillbaka till Hackney, vilket är så sjukt party att det inte finns.

Jag har kommit så långt, och tänk ändå, att jag äntligen faktiskt genuint kan känna att jag passar med mig själv, att jag liksom klickat på så många olika plan. Och är så jävla glad att jag har mig själv och de människorna jag har runtikring mig.

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It’s weird how genuine happiness makes you feel. I can solemnly say that I have been happy throughout 2017, and I am proud. I am so incredibly proud of myself for everything I’ve accomplished this year. Everything that I absolutely never ever thought I would accomplish this year, or ever in my life. I’ve honestly outscored myself and my expectations and just not cared as much about other’s expectations of how I should act and do things. I’ve only just lived up to my very own expectations of what I have wanted to feel and do this year, without any sort of negativity from others.

I must admit it’s a bit mental how much this year have changed me. Because all of a sudden everything clicked, I found a balance between life and myself. And that has absolutely felt nothing but good, mainly because I have taken the time to listen to myself, process whatever it might’ve been and found my thing. Do you even know how extremely incredible that feeling is, the moment you realise that everything is just perfectly right. I cannot even explain it.

So, time after time I’ve surprised myself this year. Been thinking quite a lot about taking the next step, really push myself out of my comfort zone and challenge myself a bit more to do those things that might’ve been a bit scary just because I’ve not had my family and friends from back home around as support. But I have managed to do e v e r y t h i n g anyways, because I believed in myself.

I chose to step away from all the au pair and nanny jobs this spring, and just happened to get into Hilton as a Coffee Retail Assistant in the small café inside the hotel, who served Starbucks. I spent lots of time trying to find a room and found one in an area I had never even heard of before and left my lovely second family in Hackney, which scared me so much in the beginning. But I did it.

I tried to make progress in overcoming my fear of needles and got myself another tattoo, as well as a nose piercing. I tried to stay calm when I sat there waiting for the piercer to poke through the piercing with the bloody huge piercing needle poking through my nose. And yes, I had to close my eyes in the end not to actually pass out. But I did that as well, even though I was scared as fuck. I also have gotten time to reflect and take care of myself both physically and mentally, which makes me so incredibly proud of myself, especially since I can see and feel the outcome.

Also, I decided to leave my job where I felt like I couldn’t progress at all, and I’m so happy I did, because how can you not love to job with people who are interested in you and wants you to progress into being the best you can be at what you’re doing as well as spreading all the positive energy you need in life?! And also, I’m finally about to move back to Hackney, which is so damn incredibly exciting.

I can honestly say that I have come so far in life and that I actually genuinely feel that I fit in, but with myself and my life. I clicked on all the levels I needed to, more or less. And I am so extremely fucking happy that I’ve got myself as well as the most fantastic people around me.

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They say that you'll know once it happens. And I guess it's true, because there is no other way of explaining it.

After moving to London I thought everything would pretty much clear up, all thoughts of what I wanted to do with my life, where I would live, what I would work with and that all doubts I had would magically disappear because I did the one thing I wanted to do the absolute most. But magic does not happen over night, or just because you decide to fulfil your number one goal in life, which took me quite some time to realise. It not only took me quite some time, 2 years, 3 months and 1 day to be exact, very exact.

Magic might not have happened over night, nor over 2 years, 3 months and 1 day. But being away from 'home' for quite some time makes you realise things. Because for 825 days exactly I have challenged myself to the absolute max, and not one single day half heartedly. Being away from 'home', au pairing, learning how a new city and country works, talking in English every single day and trying to adapt is not easy. Making new friends, being close and keeping in touch with my family back in Sweden and getting a second family here has helped, a lot.

I am so incredibly happy to have been given the opportunity to make such great friends. Although it has been hard to see some of them go back to Sweden again, I will admit that. But being in such a huge town, having lots of Swedes living here has been great, because that means you feel a lot closer to home when you really need it. 

Speaking of friends, I thought it would be so extremely hard to be away from mine back in Sweden. And it was to a beginning. But all my closest friends have been here and I still get the chance to squeeze them every single time I'm back in town. It doesn't really matter that I haven't seen my closest friend back home for almost a year now, because I know where I have her and that she's always a text away, always.

And I guess same goes for family. I am extremely lucky to be as close to my family as I am, I know that. But it's been tough in periods, especially when I haven't been able to be home for birthdays or on special occasions. But at the same time I talk to them every single day. 825 days in a row now I have been sent a good night message from my mum, and 825 days I have been saying good night back to her. It's the small things that makes it easy to be away from family. Or the big ones such as semi-surprising your dad or fully surprise your mum in the middle of the night, getting picked up at the airport by your cousin and brother, and sneak in together with your brother to wake your mum up telling her that you've had a night mare. 

But I can honestly say that everything pretty much has cleared up now. Because I've realised how happy I am here, being away from home but still feel like home and being happy for how far I've come. All because I'm surrounded by the right people, doing what I want, not what others want me to do. I'm not doing anything half-heartedly, because I still am challenging myself every single day. I realised yesterday that this is what I'm meant to do, because everything, and I truly mean  e v e r y t h i n g  feels right as of now. Friends, people that are more than friends, having the most amazing and supportive family that will always be there, still being able to babysit my favourite mini human once a week and make her happy. It feels so right, there's absolutely nothing missing right now, because this right here, this is my future.

I can't really tell you how I feel, but I guess you'll know once it happens.

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Some time ago I wrote about change, not really touching anything in particular or extremely personal. But this time I want to get deep, personal and give my own views on this, because I genuinely am passionate about this very thing, mostly because this past year I have done a lot of changes in my life, tried new things and have both positive and negative things come out from it.

Exactly one year ago today I decided to try out going to the gym again and become as consistent as I possibly could. I started watching youtube videos to get some inspiration, motivation and a little kick of confidence. I changed brunch dates with friends, lay-ins, breakfast in bed and just being lazy in general to power walks to the gym, 45min-1,5h sessions and having a routine 6 out of 7 mornings. I started seeing change, my mental health got better; I felt less anxious, not as stressed and worried about things. With me feeling less anxious and stressed came more energy, energy to actually do more things with little E and my friends. I got happier, because I boosted myself and changed my mindset, I started believing in myself, pushing myself to lift heavier, trying new exercises and changing up my routines.

Changes also happens with seasons, and going from summer to autumn and winter is not really my favourite. It gets darker, colder and being an au pair autumn means your bestest of friends will leave, but also new ones will come and become your new favourite people to hang out with, even though they might be your stalker. We made the most out of last autumn, movie-nights, KOKO, finding hidden brunch gems in Kentish Town, having wine nights watching Mamma Mia or just arrange not so boring play dates with your host kids, going back to Sweden, visiting the bestest of people in they home towns, dyeing your hair grey or simply just having your mum coming back with you for a week, instead of having the whole family coming over.

I have discovered over the past year what dating really is and how falling for someone is supposed to feel, as well as how it’s not supposed to feel, which in one way changed my view completely on this whole dating thing. As a person from a country with a weird relationship to the whole dating-thing, you never really know what to expect. And I must say that moving here just threw me into it, which took me a year and a half to adapt to. Because all of a sudden you get a whole new perspective of what it really means. It is important to learn, to get to know yourself in a new setting with a new concept in front of you, but also its fascinating to learn about the other person on a whole other level than what it would be if Sweden was the country the scene were set in. And I can actually say that a change like this has made an impact on me, because I’ve got a better understanding of it.

It will be hard though, especially when you are the one giving 110% in a relationship and the other part is barley, halfheartedly giving you 45. Your friends will tell you not to care anymore and you will have less energy and not even be willing to give your 110%. You will cry because you think you are in love, because it will hit you that you can’t give 100% all the time and barley get 45 back. But it will also be incredibly important to realise this, to have the support from friends who probably told you to more or less give up ages ago. You will change your mind again, thinking dating is not for you. But eventually, after some time you might find someone, someone who is willing to meet in the middle of the non-dating culture you’re born and bred into, and actually dating. Even though you might have tonsillitis the first time you meet, are going out together with friends and getting really drunk to wake up together, hungover as fuck and have Maccas for breakfast in bed. You will actually like it. Because to not rush things is incredibly important, it gives you time to crush, fancy and maybe even fall in love, but not by stress or pressure.

Another thing that changed pretty quickly for me was moving out and changing jobs, breaking up from the family thing and move out for real. It took a lot of courage to do it, but throwing yourself into finding a flat/house and okay flatmates in London can be challenging, especially after leaving you family in Sweden for a second family in the UK and then literally throw yourself into it. It all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to overthink.

I changed playdates, bouncy castles, picnics in parks, swings and babysitting for working for a huge company, making coffees, restocking shelves, being in a uniform and getting fascinated by the big hotel/hospitality lifestyle and the people I served and worked with.

And change is happening again, soon, in two weeks exactly. I am leaving Hilton, automatic coffee machines, uniforms,a Hotel with 3 different wings, almost 1100 rooms and colleagues I absolutely love. I have realised it’s time for me to grow a bit more than what I have done already, working and living here in the UK. It’s time for me to challenge myself, change my routines and change my job title again. I’m leaving automatic coffee machines for manual ones and speciality coffee. Another dream coming true.

Maybe a few things will change again soon. I might fall in love, get a new hobby, move house, change gym routines. One big change this year though is that I’m not home for Christmas, but the ones I feel the most home with are coming here to celebrate Christmas with me, where I now feel like home.

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I have gone far outside my squared box society wanted me to fit into. I decided to do whatever was fun or whatever I felt most happy with when I was a kid, so the frames everyone wanted me to stay in were never that interesting for me, because I would rather run around with the boys, pretending we were knights and that we would save all the bunnies instead of princesses, than hang around the girls playing a bit more sensible games. But I always had the option there for me, to draw, concentrating on putting the most brightly coloured beads on a way too long thread and make a, what in my mind were extremely pretty, bracelet or necklace for mum or dad. I raced around our little garden at nursery with all guys but could also build sand castles for the princesses to live in during our outdoor playtime.

I have always had options there for me, because I guess they sensed my stubbornness at a very early age. Because who would've otherwise not even bothered arguing with me over getting dressed and going to nursery, which was just around the corner from our flat, and let me go in my nightgown, wellies and raincoat with a stubborn 3 year old in one hand and a bag of clothes in the other hand? Yeah deffo not my parents, ehm... no, not at all....

Being stubborn and persistent when it comes to decisions have not always been easy, especially not when becoming older. Because let's face it, cute toddlers are more likely to get it their way, rather than a 15 year old girl, who's rather unsure about everything in general, and I think that's when it is the most important to keep holding on to the stubbornness, the teenage years.

There are a lot of pressure to deal with, or at least that was the case for me. Friends expecting you to want/know/feel/behave in different ways than other groups of friends, school that expects you to fit into their frames, parents in one and society in another. And that's where it tore me apart a bit, because how much I tried to not be like each group expected me to be I kind of failed. One frame clashed with the other and then a domino effect more or less occurred. Whatever I did ended up not being right in another, which were extremely confusing for me.

But starting college and choosing something that were right for me were extremely important, because I had some programmes in mind that I knew for sure I wanted to study and I knew exactly which school to apply for. And because I knew I wanted it, it didn't really clash with anyone else's expectations. Choosing the right programme, meant that I could be with likeminded people.

I started thinking about what to do after graduating, and I had things in mind I really kept holding on to. And apparently going as an au pair to London is less acceptable and not really inside the tiny, squared box society somewhat wants you to fit in. And I guess that was the final touch to making me not accepting fitting into the frames and chose my own path rather than someone else's. Because I did it even though people kept asking, because I was old enough to realise that being stubborn and knowing what you want can take you far (like from a small town in Sweden to London, okay it's not super far haha). I just had to push myself a bit further and that was all it took.

Being here in London, getting thrown into being an adult and being given responsibilities such as taking care of a 1,5 year old and see her grow, takes a lot of stubbornness. But so does taking big decisions. I have once again chosen to do what makes me feel happy and what I think is the most fun. And although some people might not believe me when I say I will do things, I can tell you that I most likely will. Because if I have decided on doing something, especially something YOU did not believe I could do, nor though I ever would do; I'm here to prove you wrong. Because I did move to that place you never thought I would, I started a new life in a country and city I had only visited once before, but had managed to fall in love with over internet.

Believe in yourself and do not let anyone say to you that you can't do it, because you are expected to do something else. Don't stay with the squared thinking society has pushed you into. Be brave, stubborn and persistent with your dreams and decisions and go beyond every single millimeter of that square thinking.

I still have the option to choose, although the things I have to choose between now may be a bit more serious than choosing between putting brightly coloured beads on a thread an make necklaces for my mum and dad. But I still know, that whichever choice I make, I will stick with, even if it's not expected. Because I'd rather be a knight saving bunnies wearing dungarees and trainers than pretending I enjoy being a princess in a pink dress wearing uncomfortable heels.

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Pictures from my second cousin's wedding in July that I flew back home for. Such an amazing couple of days, especially to see all family again I hadn't seen in years. This is for life, and for love. Lots of love.

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I've gotten used to change. Might be because I've slowly learned to love it as well as come to the conclusion that change is sometime the thing we need the most to keep life going. At least I know that I absolutely don't like being stuck with the same routines both work wise and in general.

We change our minds daily, I mean how many times have you known which coffee you wanted before you even ordered it and then last minute changed your mind? Same goes for food, snacks, shoes, clothes, which post to put up on Instagram. You might not always be happy with you choose, but then again you might be surprised with your choice. It might even get you a new go to coffee, favourite restaurant, a pair of shoes you know is a safe choice for every occasion. But there are also major changes we need to go through in our lives. Things that might not alway be so fun to change to or from. But things like that will always happen.

I've made plenty of changes in my life. Things that might seem like nothing to people, but might be huge to some. Some changes have left me proud whilst some has made me feel embarrassed or sad. But those might also been things that's actually made me see things differently and that's made me change my opinion for better or for worse. I mean, I can't exactly say that changing from blonde to the 2007 version of Miley Cyrus was the best change I've done in my life.

There are so many of them though I actually am proud of, changes I had to do to assure myself I would be happier. And even now, thinking about making changes as well as just had adapted to some I still feel butterflies in my stomach thinking about all the changes I will and want to do in the near future. This time change will be exciting, something to look forward to. Almost as exciting to find a new favourite coffee. ;)

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Evening strolls along the thames, planning a new future, Brighton, a munchkin turning 3, bike rides who ended not so well, shoes, saying goodbye to best friends, fancy salons, holidays in Sweden, delayed flights, platform 9 3/4, watching the sunrise at Primrose Hill, Brighton w/ lil munchkin, Five Guys, babychinos on rainy days, Warner Bros studio tours, Cocktail Week, making new friends, finding new favourite coffee spots, having a cousin visiting, leaving my part-time job at GBK, finding a massive love for the gym, dating, hangovers, Winter Wonderland, Lucia choir, cinema dates w/ lil EP, Christmas and New Years in Sweden, reuniting with my absolute favourites, taking my mum back to the UK for a week, dating, meeting new friends, National Gallery, photography, 90's party, celebrations, Brixton, Vauxhall, Paris, falling in love, new tattoo, reuniting with friends, enjoying the sunny spring, turning 21, celebrating, getting a full-time job offer, signing contracts on house/job, surprise visit in Sweden, last day as an au pair, coffee dates, IKEA shopping, babysitting, starting a full time job, making latte art, endless dancing at The Slug in Fulham, late nights, early mornings, tanning on rooftops, sharing feelings over rosé, getting a nose piercing, chopping off the lions mane, pride, Paris with the fam, Disneyland, plus (apparently) a British/Australian/New Zeeland/South African accent.

I've been in London for two years today and I still love it as much as I did 524 days or even 2 days ago, if not even more. Let's make two three, because I'm not going home quite yet.

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I’m 21 years old, or to be more exact; I’m 21 years, 1 month and 23 days. I used to think I would have my life sorted to 99% by now, but as time has gone I have also realised that having your life sorted to at least 99% when you’re 21 is quite an unrealistic sort of goal to have.

A somewhat more realistic goal is to find happiness, or at least what happiness means right now. I have so many things that used to be what happiness ment to me that I now absolutely can not relate to happiness now. There’s been lots of things that’s been contributing to what has made me feel happy in the past, that I’m now not really associate with happiness at all. And I find it weird that things that used to make me feel the most happy now makes me feel angry, sad or a bit miserable. But on the other hand I have figured out things that has also stuck with me from day one, and probably will stick with me and my view of happiness until the day I’m no longer here.

One of the happiest days in my life were 21st of July 2015, the day when I finally moved to London. Moving here has absolutely made me a happier person, not just because I fulfilled a dream of mine, took a huge step and went in the opposite direction of what most of the other friends my age did. I have gained so much confidence just by moving here without knowing anyone, trusting myself and just live without any direct pressure from the kind of society I used to be in. I’m happy that I managed to stand up for myself and what I wanted to do, not what anyone else wanted me to do or fit in.

Along the way I have discovered that I constantly need new challenges to feel happy, and that’s part of why I changed from Au Pair to Barista/F&B assistant at Hilton and moving to my own place. I needed a change, and change makes me feel happy.

It amazes me every day that I find new ways to feel happy, not just through family, friends, change and other obvious reasons. I need happiness to function, just like everyone else. The thing is that what I’ve got and what makes me happy, might not make you happy.

I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my life and which decisions will make me feel happy for a longer period of time. I can not say for how long London and the UK will make me feel happy, maybe I need something bigger than this or something much much smaller. It’s all about trying to achieve a few goals at a time that may add up to a bigger one in the end, but we all will have time to figure out it along the way, even though you’re 12, almost 23 or 87 years old. Just don’t stress any decisions, it will become clear as time passes by.

It might be tattoos, traveling, dogs, makeup, gym, strolling around discovering new thing with friends, buying that one thing you've been longing to have, photography, baking, getting respected, learning coffee art, finding true love or breaking old habits. Time will tell,

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A couple of days ago I turned 21. Twenty one, can we just take a moment to let that sink in. TWENTY ONE. And to be completely honest I probably need more than just a moment, because it is a bit weird.

It’s weird because I thought I would have my whole life figured out by now, but I haven’t. I don’t know what or IF I even want to study. Do I even know what I want to be when I grow up? A part of me wants to become a policewoman, but then again maybe a hairdresser and a dolphin trainer, but then again, I still am dreaming of becoming a princess. I have got time to figure things out, which I am in the middle of doing, and what’s so good about it is that I don’t have to rush things, at least not for another couple of years. Although 10 year old Frida would probably panic a bit, realising she only would have another 2 years to get pregnant, married and get her shit together. All I know for sure now, 10 years later is that a) I don’t want to have babies or get married by 2019 and b) I don’t want to live in Sweden. That could of course change, probably a billion times or so, but I’m pretty sure about this. I have lived in London for almost 2 years now and the things I miss, apart from my fam (obvious shot there), are not that many. I can get hold on most of the things I miss in the Scandi/Swedish shops here PLUS Tesco have started selling gifflar. Not that I’ve ever been a massive fan of them, but I mean, IF I ever get a craving they’re there for £1.50. And you do learn to love other things as well. I’ll probably survive wherever I end up, depends on if they start selling quality sparkling water all over the world, life without Loka is a bit sad, I must admit.

Anyhow, my year was 20 started off with a brunch with my 3 best friends plus my mini bestie and ended with me being surprised by my family at Las Iguanas, where we sat having some casual b-day drinks. If you know me, you also know that it is extremely hard to keep secrets and surprises from me, we’re talking an absolute extreme level of not being able to keep secrets from me. But somehow both Emma and my family managed to do so. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier they did.

Everything that happened from my birthday to the beginning of September is a big blur, both in a good and a bad way, because a lot, and I really do mean a lot, of things happened. My bestie from back home visited and I got to show her the town I’ve fallen in love with all over again and again, I met Amanda for the first time, whom ended up being one of my closest friends ever, Emma and I set up a budget and made a perfect plan of how to survive the London life, started looking at flats, applied for a billion jobs, went back to Sweden for a week, threw myself into bringing comfort and safety to my two wonderful girls who lost their dad, got a paper plane tattoo, got myself a part time job at GBK, discovered my favourite place in London, made a flower crown from expensive flowers and celebrated midsummer in Hyde Park with other drunk Swedes, fell off a bike, broke two phones, had a meltdown, Emma moved back home, got my hair done at the salon I’ve dreamt of for months, had another week in Sweden, laughed so much at the airport with my mum that the security guards even giggled and then I went back home, home to London.

I didn’t really have a good moment to breathe or think, everything just happened and I was not prepared to both feel everything and nothing at the same time. I just tried to live normal, even though everything was a big mess. But at the same time I learned so many things about myself, my strengths and weaknesses.

Autumn and winter went by surprisingly quickly, because I had lots of things planned. I had to keep myself busy, because I didn't want my feelings to catch me, to tell me to slow the fuck down and actually take a moment to breathe. I had my family coming over for London Cocktail Week, my cousin came over with a ton of Loka and lots of energy and then all of a sudden it was December. The month where I pretty much spent my time working, singing and doing lots of performances as well as going to Sweden for almost three weeks. Squeezed all the people I had longed to squeeze, met amazing new people and celebrated New Years with some of the most wonderful people on earth, all wearing PJ’s.

Mum came back with me for a week in London with me, giggling, crying with laughter and just having an amazing time, trying to making me wiser and make me think and accept my feelings and thoughts. I’ve come closer to friends here and friends in Sweden, which I’m so incredibly happy for.

The past couple months have left me with plenty of time to think and feel, two of the things I’m still not the biggest fan of doing. But at the same time it has been such an important thing for me, even though I still overthink things a fucking ton. Twenty year olds do, not all of them, but I do. And I think I’ve been doing so just to protect myself. I don’t want to be scared or hurt, and especially not have people knowing and noticing that I am. But feelings are meant to be felt, all of them. It is okay to be happy, anxious, nervous, frustrated, weak, in love and everything else. They are just feelings, trying to say that your body is working, you’re feeling something and you shouldn’t be afraid. And right now, I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid because I have everything I need right now. There’s no need of worrying about tomorrow or next week, because we don’t know what’s gonna happen. Even though you may overthink, which is more than okay btw (even though it may drive your friends crazy), you might just have to let it go and live for what is actually happening now, not in a week or two.

What started with a surprise ended with me being a tad more home in myself. It absolutely took me a while to accept, to accept the fact that I really do like myself for who I am, and not for someone society would like me to be. I’ve learned to like my body, how it looks, and I am finally happy with it, I feel more confident now than I did on the 14th of April 2016. I have found something I really enjoy doing six days a week, something I have dedicated early mornings and late nights to: the gym. I bloody love going there, it has become my happy-place, somewhere I feel safe and don’t have to care about anything else than what I am doing there and then. I have gained so much more confidence, but not nearly as much as I probably need, because I am still so incredibly insecure about things, not that it actually matters, but at the same time, no one is perfect. It’s absolutely okay to not be 100% confident and happy att all times, because I’m not, which is also something I have mastered this year: getting my emotions and feelings under control, which hasn’t been the easiest. I mean, I’m still trying to tame my anxiety, which is not easy. But I’m slowly getting there. And although I’m not there yet, I still feel like home.

Because I’m home, even though I’m not. Home is a safe place, a place where you can let all your emotions out, ugly cry if you really need to, laugh so much you get a tummy ache, sing out loud in the shower, be carefree and feel loved. It’s a place to just be exactly who you are, even if that’s dreaming about becoming a princess. Home is so much more than a place to live, and that is also why I chose to say goodbye to 20 with a new tattoo. Home, I’m finally here.

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