This is a shorted intruduction to what is happening now:
I started playing in a team near me when I was like 6 years old. When you were that young you played with guys and they always used to tease me and bully me and I couldn't take it so I stopped. When that club started a girls team I joined (around 8 years old) and I played for some years and I loved it, the feeling and everything. But one thing was missing, I wanted to play in goal, I wanted to be like my dad. Back then thy let anyone "try" to play a game and I did. Short story, we lost, like always, and I got the blame. It was really hard for me to hear that I shouldn¨t play in goal and I wasn¨t good at it and I started to realize nobody liked me there. It was more of an inner battle because I believe those girls don¨t even know how they hurted me. I started loosing intrest and eventually I stopped playing. But that didn¨t mean I didn¨t like playing soccer. I can say now. If I had some more friends on that team, if I wasn¨t bullied, I would never stopped playing because soccer is my life and it has always been that. Anyway I came back when I was around 14 years old nearly thinking it was too late. But I came back to that same team and it was good for a while. I loved my first coaches but then we switched and we got some younger girls in and things weren't the same anymore. When spring came I was desprate to find another team because things happened and the new team wa better. I started playing goalkeeper and thing wen't forward. I got better and better and the team was great and all until now.
I haven't played a game since 1 of june and even that game they didn't really want me. The game they "wanted" me last was 1 of may and I played one hell of game when I saved a shot from going in with my face leaving the score at 2-2. Anyway, I train really hard, I push myself really hard and I am at nearly every traning and be nearly I mean I only been away one time since we started up again after the summer. We are 3 goalkeepers and we have three trainers (one head trainer, one second trainer and one goalkeeper trainer). The only person on this team who likes me is my goalkeeper trainer which he points out many times because the thinks I am good enough to play and he sees how hard I work and how progress over time faster than many others. My teamates don't like me and and my other coaches doesn't either. So because this has been going on for a while my parents decided they wanted to talk to my two coaches so they sat down and here is nearly everything my coaches said:
My parents asked why I didn't get to play and my head coach answered that he sees that I get better and better but that doesn't matter because I haven't played as many years as the other goalkeeper, even if am better than her it doesen't matter because I haven't played as many years as her. Well excuse me if I can't help that I have been bullied into quiting and that she hasn't. How can that be my faullt?! So it doesn't matter if I'm better or if I am training more than her, it doesn't matter. So she can miss nearly training and still get to play instead of me who fights thru injuries and pain to get play. Yeah, she get's play because she has played longer. That is bullshit. My head coach also maid a point that he just likes the other goalkeeper more than me. I got no words for that. My head coach also said that he knows nothing about goalkeeping, then how the hell can he choose who get's to play or not and clearly he is not listening to the goalkeeper coach.
This is my parents words to discribe him since I wasn't in there talking to avoid conflicts:
They said that he acts like we are some proffesionally club that is so good and we play in championes leauges or something like that. He acts like he is this great coach who coach f**king Barcelona or something. Let me tell you this coach: We play in the worst women's leauge (Division 4) in the area and we are nearly last and I am not even asking to play for the A-team. I'm asking to play in the ladies youth team where players who isn't good enough for the A-team get's play which apparently my coach thinks it has to be great and we have to be best and because of that we can't play me since I haven't played as long as she has. I understand you have to have experiance to play but you can't get expreriance as long as you don't get to play, you can't learn everything in training. The other agreed but didn't say so but you could see it in his eyes my parents said but oh my head coach comes and says that we aren't a youth team and we can't play her blah blah blah. Are you kidding me?! We have a youth team, but no, we have to be the best there yeah. Let me tell you something coach, we are the second last in that leauge so you shove that up your ass because we aren't good and we are so not competing for the first place which doesn't matter because it's a f**king youth team. He thinks so highly of the other goalkeeper and she is sooooo good. Let me tell you something coach, she let in 12 goals in one game, 12 goals, in one game. Oh, how proffesionally we are.
This wasn't easy for me to hear, let me tell you. I screamed, I cried and I hit the walls. I was pissed and I still am. I am lagally not allowed to leave this club to another one untill after this season according to my coach. So I'm legally trapped here in this team. It doesn't matter if I train or not. It doesn't matter if I am good or not. It doesn't matter because I will never ever play because I haven't played for as long as her for obvious reasons. Reasons I can't help, I can't do anything about, I can't turn back the time and I don't have a chance to make up for it. Peope says things get better but right now things just seems like shit which it already has nearly my whole life. But let me tell you this. Everyone knows I am good enough if not better to play for this team and I will not quit, I will not give up on my dream, even if it seems so far away right now...