SAY YES TO THE DRESS…
I don’t think i’m no different from anyone else who loves love, weddings and of course "The" wedding dresses. So of course I dreamed up my dream wedding dress since way back when, like a very loooooooong time ago haha …
And to be honest my dreamy dream wedding vision of a gown had'nt changed much over the years. I always had a love for old vintage, fairy tales, lace, details and just wanted to be like the stuff of stars on our lit up dark blue wall... like fairy and stardust meshed in a wonderful dance together, just like magic... old magic... I wanted my husband to see me coming down the aisle feeling the air knocked out of his chest, I wanted him to look at me and belive in magic... belive that I was magic :)
Even though i’ve always been over the top with many a things, I was never much for the big muffin princess dresses nor the really tight slimmed showing off your figure (even when I was super in shape and had a six pack) either… I was’nt at all in my dream shape and I do belive it would have alter the design in some ways if I would’ve been…
But if we are being frank, due to some circumstances in my life and health issues I’ve gained a lot of weight during the last couples of years and it’s been a struggle trying to get it off. For a while I went into total bride mode… like how you see it in the movies, haha! I went to the gym like twice a day spending at least 2 hours there at the time. I thought about every little thing I put in my mouth and how that would effect my weight … Finally I started to catch my thoughts… how negative they would be, how I would talk down to myself while working out and how it started to spred and seep into my daily life. I would compare my older, fit and slim me to the present me. I would compare myself to the images we see daily everywhere what a happy beautiful woman ought to be.. It made me feel worthless, like i did'nt deserve to be happy if I was'nt skinny enough...and of course I had to be that on the happiest day of my life….
After a while I realized I was saying things to myself that I’d never ever say to another human being… EVER.
Having both gone through bulimia and anorexia previously in my life I realized I was heading down a very dangerous road… again.
Obviously I wanted and want to feel comfortable in my own skin and body and still do, but it needs to be in a healthy way, and I have learned a lot through the years of tharaphy, support and research what that looks like, should feel like and what some of my triggers are… Anyway…that’s a different story… Soooo
I decided I was going to have a dress fit me! ME, not a commercial idea of what a woman on her happiest day looks like but the body I was in at that present time and that ment not me getting a dress that was way to small and the me trying to kill myself to fit it ;)
And I wanted to feel beautiful, timeless, the best me and to be able to be comfortable through out the entire wonderful day! I mean, who the hell wants to think about holding in your stomach while walking down the aisle, saying I do or cutting the cake, turning blue while taking pictures cause you can't breathe ;)
I just wanted to feel total bliss, happiness and beautiful!
Neither my husband nor I come from money, and let me tell you weddings costs… A lot if you have a very imaginative mind and love pretty things ;)
So we had to dial it down a bit and decided, as I shared in my first post about this Wedding Story journey of ours, to do almost everything ourselves…
Trying to convince your husband to spend an insane amount of money on a dreamy wedding gown you’ll only where for one day, which I by the way would have had to have to have altered anyway, cuz I could never find quite the perfect one, lol,….Well… Let’s just say trying to convince him was fairly difficult and equvillant to an uphill battle,pulling teeth at the same damn time hahaha! And seeing that they cost a fortune and i always found the things i wanted to change about the dress or add I realized I had to come up with something else. I started looking into designers and seamstresses, but that was costly as well not to mention I'm so specific and picky with what i like and don't finding someone who was'nt going to cost a fortune tured out to be super tricky.
So I came up with an idea,… I would make my own… And I did… The design, every single detail and bead, using mixes of beautiful fabrics and vintage pieces with the help of a friend… And I was sooooooooooo happy with it! It's honestly the most beautiful thing i ever had the pleasure of wearing!!!
Stay tuned as I dive into the details of the dressmaking... ;)
Photography by: Hannah Hedin