There is this movie "Flicka" I absolutely love it. Connect with it in a very deep way, she, the girl in the movie says in the move that she's the same as the mustang. Misunderstood, free, alone. Mostly misunderstood. It got me thinking. We're all just misunderstood, I feel a lot like I am for sure, most of the time I feel like not even the closest to me gets me. I do things they question, things they wouldn't and they fail to understand why I'm doing what I am. Not all like my decisions or way of handling things. Like all. Others probably feel I do the same.
We're all misunderstood will say. We're all in this on our own. You have to find your own reason to live, there will always be lack of understanding from people.

I most of the time feel like I'm misunderstood, that people just don't get me. Maybe I'm right maybe I'm not. But this movie, I feel it so deeply. The way she connects with a horse for me is just what life is about. To connect and see yourself in a horse, get the trust between. It's indescribably...

So you do you, don't change that. People will misunderstand, they will fail to get you. Even the closest to you, even the people that can read you like a book. You're on your own in this world. You'll meet people that will help along the way but it will always be down to you to figure out your life. Well I have God and I wish for all to find him. He knows and he gets you.

We do decisions we shouldn't, say things we regret, get in situations where we probably shouldn't be. People won't get that but if it's what you think is right, what you think makes you happy. Then screw everyone else!
Just do you, never give up that, wouldn't it be wonderful if we all got to the end and could say "it was worth it" then to not try do your thing and regret it until death?

Whatever if it's something you shouldn't do, whatever if others disagree, whatever their opinion. Does it make you happy? Yes or no? It really is as simple as that.

I love you guys and wish for all the glory and love to embrace you!

Kiss&hug 😘❤️

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So, the title pretty much says it all..
how on earth do you rest a tired soul??
I'm exhausted from this, I sleep about 9 hours a night yet I am more tired when I wake up then when I go to sleep. My soul is exhausted! It's killing me.. I have no motivation for anything. I was supposed to go see my psychologist today but he was sick so the meeting got cancelled...
Any thoughts how to rest a tired soul? What do you do when sleep doesn't help?

It's painful this.. all of it and I have no idea what I'm going to do! I just really need something to get me back, find a way to rest my soul.. calm a worried soul is not something I know how to...

I don't want to be like this, constantly tired and constantly on the edge to tears. Last two weeks have been so bad. Really so bad both mentally and body. Barely been eating, sleeping a lot yet always tired!! I want a break from life and just come back when I'm better. I really need help as I have no clue what to do with myself anymore. Need someone to save me.

Kiss&hug 😘❤️

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I saw the series "13 reasons why". Shit... That's all I can say. It's horrible!!

It's really good but it's horrible. I get it though, I actually get it. I understand why people take suicide.. It's tragic but understandable. The worst thing about the series is that this happens! what people tell each other, do to each other can lead to suicide. That shouldn't happen! That should just never happen. To see death as the only way out? Only way to get better? it's sad. I know it's not as simple as a choice, It's the only way the person sees saving themselves and the people around them. I'm mostly just empty on words. Humans are so cruel at times and most times I'm sure we don't even think about it.

Hannah Bakers story is sad and it's something that happens! People take their lives for stuff others do to them! Things they say, things they do.. sometimes it's what we don't do. We didn't say that thing that could lift the person up, we didn't walk after, we didn't stay. I've not really had the thoughts so severe about it but yes I have thought about it would just be easier to not be alive, to not be here. Less painful for me and easier for everyone around me. So yes the thought have been there, still is sometimes.

Life isn't easy really, and our words and actions towards each other do have power even if we don't mean them to. Maybe it's just something simple but we don't mean it to hurt as bad but if we're unlucky we might say something we shouldn't to someone already suffering.

I often wonder rather it's worth fighting for life or not. Will it get better? Will we be happy in the end? Does life work out? I'm not so positive about it. Sometimes I just don't want this life, my life.

We do though really need to get better, especially our generation.

I did love the series and it did open my eyes in a whole different way!

Kiss&Hug! Stay fighting, you are loved!

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Me and my best friend did a photo shoot a few weeks ago. She took some pictures of me and me for one love them.

I know not all will, might look daring but they are not to me really. It's my body so I decide and to be honest when I feel the best about myself is in just underwear. That's when i can actually look in the mirror and be proud. Yes I have issues like everyone, days I feel like I'm not thin enough or trained enough etc. I know most people I know might take this post as a bad thing, it's not to me. For me this is great. I got some great pictures out of this and I was light dressed in front of a camera all on my terms. I wanted to take the pictures, I thought it felt really good and i wasn't uncomfortable in anyway! Even though I'm not fully dressed on the pictures I don't feel naked and I haven't felt that difference before really. My confidence is better now than it have been, yes some days it's really bad and some it's really good.

I am aware that i once wrote "am I more than my body?" so this pictures might be talking against it in a way that I'm actually posting pictures then like this. I was wrong with saying that. You are about what you believe you are. So yes I am more than my body simply because I believe I am. Others opinions is not my issue, if they see me as someone to sleep with or ask for nudes that doesn't mean I'm not more than my body, that means they are idiots.

I am more than my body and so are you!

Believe in you and see yourself as more and not as less. Don't give the idiots the power, you are too good for that.

Kiss&Hug!

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This song is so good, it's been on repeat! I love it, listen to it and really, really listen to it!

Have a great week guys!
I'm going to the sun so hopefully I get back with a little tan.

Kiss&hug 😘❤

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I am so confused... is it the healing part that's the most painful?
As I've written here before, a while back, I was sexually abused when I was 15. The abuse went on for 8 months and then it's been about almost 4 years of "afterwork" with the police and trial and all that.. it's not yet all over so yeey...
anyway all that was so painful, the process was so painful..
But is the healing part worse?
I'm starting to think it is.
Maybe what we go through fades but dealing with it agin rips deeper than the first time? It might be that actually. That when it hurts when we are in it it's a cut in none damage skin so it hurts but it fades, then when we heal, it's a cut on damage skin.

I have been seeing a psychologist for a few times and he said I was doing alright on my own and I should just keep talking to the people I trust. Since then things have happened, good and bad. That's why I'm wondering if the healing part is more painful then the actual damage.
Some nights ago I had flashbacks, for the first time I had real flashbacks. I saw his face and the trial room and I was crying so much, couldn't stop and I cried myself to sleep. I was in bed screaming "God save me" over and over. It haven't happened before and it freaked me out. More painful then I can remember felt before.

I do tho think it make sense now why healing is the more painful part. The first cuts where made on a healthy skin and a pure heart, now with the healing the cuts are made on damage skin and a broken heart.

I'm confident that it will pass, that I will get better so I won't give up. I told my mum about it which for the record is a huge step for me as I've tend to keep things to myself as much as possible, but I told mum and she told me "it's okay to cry and it's okay to scream, it was awful what happened and it won't just go away, it will hurt but it will pass"

Kiss&hug 😘❤

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I'm losing I think. Losing my mind, losing sight of the good, losing confidence... yeah I think I'm losing my mind. I'm going crazy and yes of course I know it's all my own fault. Why can't facts and emotions be on the same page?
I know facts but my emotions tells the opposite... it's so confusing! So yes I'm losing my mind. Driving myself crazy, hurting myself.
I've had good confidence lately, but now I'm losing that too... so I'm just losing. I don't want to lose my confidence, it have felt good having it. It's like I feel okay with my body but not with face.. so for the first time ever I feel better with my body than with my face.

Sometimes I wonder what guys go on. Good body or pretty face? I guess it's different from person to person but still. I'd like to think it's pretty face but I don't know?

Last night wasn't the best night really... a typical situation with knowing facts yet emotions take over and say opposite. One thought that kept coming back was that. Am I more than my body? I hope so but since my confidence is dropping it's hard to believe myself.

Yeah driving myself crazy, losing my mind. Great!

Lots of love
Kiss&hug 😘❤

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I'm an incredibly emotional person... and I really wish I wasn't. I wish I didn't say as much feelings as I do because there is one thing I've learnt and it's that you'll hurt yourself for it. Telling small things that shows you care crazy much or miss someone or love them and not really getting back. It hurts and it's painful so I'm constantly hitting myself. I just really wish I could be less emotional, less feelings... just less.
I can tell fast when I like someone or love someone. In can tell things to fast and then I just feel so stupid after because I said it and then I beat myself up for being an idiot and that leads to me hurting myself.
It's not other people's fault I say so much feelings and can't say it back. I just don't know how to turn it off...
the times I try turning it off makes me just back off so much and closing myself in again. I don't know how to just bring it down a bit. I either close and sound all mad or I say to much to often.

I wish I could turn off... I don't want to feel stupid for liking/loving or caring for someone. Guess it's nothing I can do really. It just sucks when you hurt yourself and you know you are yet can't change. I'm trying so hard to change but if I do I'll lose part of myself. I am an emotional person who express feelings a lot and yes maybe to much. I can't really change that but I am trying and it's tearing me apart trying to change something about me that should be something good. Well of course it's not good always but mostly it is.

I just don't want to feel stupid for letting people know when I feel something special for them...

Kiss&hug😘❤

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I'm not sure my best will ever be enough. It will always be that voice saying "you should do better" "you should be better". I know facts, facts is I will be good enough one day (I hope) feelings is not on the same page as fact. You know the feeling when you're really trying? Trying to fit in to someone else's world, trying to just be good enough, trying to be different...
I know there is only one of me and being me is enough... I just don't know if I believe it right this second. I've been struggling lately a lot.. maybe I'm just loosing my mind? I want to fit in in a world that's not mine and it tears me apart...
I want to be the girl who don't need to hear surten things all the time, that one time and I just rely on that but I'm not. I have so much emotion and feelings that if I don't hear it I freak out and question myself. Things like "I love you" or "I miss you" or "I'm thinking about you"... things like that I need to hear often because if I don't I freak out and doubt every single thing on myself.
Does anyone else feel this?
I want to be enough as me and I know it may sound desperate that I need to hear some things often but it's not. I can't help it. I'm trying so hard to not need it, to not freak out when I don't get it for a few days.
It's all about being comfortable in your own skin and that is so hard. To rely on yourself as you are the only you on this planet. Don't give up on yourself... even if it feels easiest. I'm in that now so I don't know how the journey will look but I'm sure it's worth trying for.
I'm trying to be enough for myself and everyone else. Maybe should start with just myself?
Don't give up guys. Keep trying!

Kiss&hug 😘❤

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I don't know rather I believe in this or not. I don't think a fairytale exist really. I mean there is always something more to it. It's like all people have things they don't tell, things they do that not all need to know.
There is things you have so sacrificed, give up to have a fairytale, it's not for free. Same with people, good people didn't get good for nothing. And they have their secrets to that might not impress you.
That's life, no fairytale comes easy or for free.
This is not a sad negative mindset, this is reality and if you don't like it you are in trouble.

People hide things for a reason, not all need to know everything. Something's aren't for everyone and that's a good thing, you share different things with different people.

And if you want a fairytale, you have to be prepared to give things up, to compromise, change. None of that is easy, so I suggest you find someone who's worth it!
Don't chase the wrong fairytale.
Find something and someone that's worth it! Worth the heartache, the ups and the downs, the struggles, the darker path. Then and only then will you find a true fairytale!

So I don't believe in just getting a fairytale, it's not easy, it's difficult and painful. The real fairytale is when you've found something or someone who's worth it❤

Kiss&hug ❤😘

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