How does it even work? I don't understand at all. One day I'm confident to a hundred, I believe in myself and can say to people who has me they are lucky. Then the next day I don't even know if I'm worth knowing? Do I make a difference in this world even or just a great way to waist time for a bit.
I don't know myself, I don't understand myself and I'm not very sure I'm at any need. One day I get so far, I have confidence, I believe that people need me, I think they're happy to know me. My confidence is good and I know myself, I'm happy and you know, feel needed.
Then something happens and I get hit back to square one. Where confidence doesn't exist, that people need me is an impossibility, I can't in anyway believe anyone is happy to have me. So the confidence goes, I don't know myself, I'm not happy and you know, not needed at all.
Would I even be missed on this planet if something happened?
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find someone who cares about me like I care about others.
All I want it so feel needed, loved, missed. I know that's pathetic for many, and that it shouldn't be needed as you should be so secure in yourself you don't need it from others. But I don't feel that and even on the days I have confidence I just want some attention of "I miss you", "I'm so happy I have you", "I love you", "you're one of my favourite people".
I don't know myself and I get pushed back to square one every time I think I've gotten somewhere. I don't have confidence enough to believe in myself. I don't have confidence enough to be okay hours and hours of not hearing a word. I will get worried sick and freak out.
I'm trying, I'm trying to be enough. But I don't think it's a possibility. I just want to be enough for once, even if it's impossible.
I don't want people getting frustrated/mad/angry at me because I care so much, because I love so much, because I worry for your well being. I don't know what to do. I don't know myself.