​Jag såg dig idag

Jag började nästan gråta

Jag fick ont i magen

Jag hatar dig

Tror jag

Kanske 

Jag tycker inte om det som hänt

Jag tycker inte om situationen

Jag tycker inte om att du tror att jag inte tycker om dig

Jag tycker inte om att du tog bort mig från ditt liv

Även fast jag inte ens va en del av det

Men du tog bort chansen

Att det skulle hända

Nån gång

Kanske

Jag är bara ledsen

Jag önskar jag kunde radera dig

Jag önskar jag inte visste hur du ser ut

Jag önskar jag inte visste hur du låter

Jag önskar jag inte visste att du fanns

Jag är bara ledsen

 Och jag hatar dig

Lite

Kanske

Fuck You


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​Ensam. Ledsam. Hopplös. Patetisk

Jag känner allt

Jag vill inte känna något

Snälla

Snälla

Ta bort mig

Stäng av allt

Jag förtjänar inte att finnas

Ingen gillar mig

Inte ens mig gillar mig

Alltid fel

Alltid överdriven

Alltid överkänslig

Alltid någonting

Snälla snälla snälla

Jag vill inte mer

Snälla

Jag vill ingenting längre.

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What the fuck? Why don't people understand that they deserve to be happy? I get so pissed of at my friends when they confide in me with their problems, and then don't even try to listen to my suggestions. If your girlfriend doesn't wanna be your girlfriend anymore but still let's you stay in her apartment, that is not fucking healthy! She is not gonna change her mind just because you drag out the search for a new apartment.. And you want to find someone new to love you, but you are afraid you won't find anyone that is as great as she is. Dude, she broke up with you, I think you will find someone better. But why do you have to find someone new right away? No one wants to be a rebound. Take some time to get over her and then you can move on with your love life.

WHAT - THE - FUCK - BYE

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I almost started crying at the gym today. After I was done with my workout. I went in to the changing room. Sat down on the bench next to my locker. And maybe it was the music but I felt so emotional. The tears snuck up on me. I wasn't prepared. But I turned my head to the wall and swallowed them. Instead of feeling sad when I worked out I was angry. Mad really. I hate her. Right now I hate her. And that is not fare. Because she is doesn't deserve that. But I can't help it. She makes me feel so bad. But it's not her fault. It's my fault. I should just get over it. Get over her. But it seems impossible. She use to make me feel happy. And then I ruined it, by developing a major crush on her. Fuck me.

I want to die. But I want to live. So it's complicated. I love my life sometimes. Then I remember something that makes me feel bad. And I hate my life again. Now I am crying again.

LOVE EVERY MOMENT - TRUST SOMEONE - BYE

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My stomach is feeling weird. I just don't know if it's gas, period cramps or me feeling worthless. I feel so down. Even though today was a good day, kind of. After I got of work at 9am I saw the sun was up. The weather was nice so I decided to spend some time in the garden. Taking in the sun and watching youtube. I felt good. I almost spent 5 hours out there. Didn't think about anything crap in my life. It was probably all just bottled up. Because now, I feel so sad. And I want to cry. I am crying. Why do I only wan't to be friends with people that lie to me and have crushes on people that will never like me back.

I am watching ouat. Sometimes I wish my life was a tale. A fairytale, sure. Just don't think I would ever have a happy ending. But maybe. I have to have some kind of faith or hope. I mean, I haven't given up on life completely. Yet.

YOU WILL SURVIVE - HAVE HOPE - BYE 


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Can't really sleep right now. I'ts like I'm trying to stall. So that I can sleep during daytime. When every other human is awake. If I need to sleep, I have a reason for avoiding them and not leaving the house all day. Sometime I feel like, today is the day I'm gonna go to bed early. But it never actually happens. I often fall asleep late. But that is only because the button in my head is switched on.

I went to the gym at 7pm. I had been home all day. Working, sleeping, watching youtube, eating, sleeping some more. Like I wrote, not leaving the house at all. It made me feel a little better after. But during my workout, when I don't have anyone to talk to at the gym, my mind is still spinning. Every reason that I am not a good person, nobody likes me, I'm ugly. Everything is going around and around. I don't feel anything. I can do my workout and not feel tired, exhausted or any of the burning pain from exercises. I just stare at the clock. Listen to the music. And have a wild unhealthy discussion with myself in my head.

YOU ARE GOOD - SOMEBODY CARES - BYE



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Right now I'm sitting in bed listening to music. My stomach is cramping and so is my heart. I recently broke up with a friend. That did not like me the same way I liked them. It just feels like somebody shoved a stick in my abdomen and they are stirring it around. I want to move pass this but it feels impossible. This person is on my mind everyday. The sadness have taken over my mind and my inner self. I am still able to handle my outside life. But no one knows what is actually going on inside of me. I need to clean and organize my room. I hope that cleans my mind a little bit too.

SOMEBODY LOVES YOU - REMEMBER THAT - BYE

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