What is wrong with me? Like for real. Why is my life doing all this fucked up stuff to me. The girl I wrote about, the one that is still in love with and lives with her ex. She fucked me up. My mind. She poured her heart out to me and talked about all the stuff that's going on in her life. I was trying to be supportive and give advice. I told her some stuff too. We have actually never met irl. We have "known" each other for one year online now. But we never really talked about all this deep and emotional stuff. So I was a supporting friend or whatever and then out of the blue, she asked if I would go on a date with her! At first I was happy and shocked. I use to like her, before she got together with her ex. Then I got sad and mad, still in shock though. Some of the things we had talked about was, she was still in love with her ex and she loved being in love and in relationships. So she said, "you probably think I'm pathetic". I said "no, but I am" and explained that I never enter romantic relationships because I don't want to get hurt. The fact that I had explained this to her made me feel crappy, it was like she hadn't listened or cared for my feelings. That she just wanted someone to get over her ex. I had also told her, no one want's to be a rebound and told her that I don't want to be her rebound.
It made me uppset, and mad with her. I took some of it out on her too, I might have gone a bit overboard. I tried to go back to "normal" and talk to her, but she was kind of distant. I asked her what she was thinking of. She said, "wondering why you are still talking to me when you don't like me". I said "I never said that". Okey, I am going to be honest, I did tell her "fuck you", reason was me being really hurt and mad. After I had told her that I was sorry about that and explained my feelings to her again, put she didn't respond. Then we had another argument. By the way, all of this happened on snapchat, video and text from me to her and she only replying in text. And I even tried to call her ones. I hate to have an argument over text because it never ends well. And it didn't. I told her I wanted to be her friend, she said she saw no point in that. I asked what was wrong with me. She said "nothing, grow up, goodbye". I said "I just wanted to say that I like your laughter, bye".
Now I am trying to get over this thing. I really like her. And I would consider dating her. But not while she is in love with someone else. That would hurt to much if they all of the sudden decided to get back together, they are best friends and still in each others life. After she removed me on snap I remember feeling my stomach dropping, I was using all my willpower to hold back my tears. I was on the train going back home with some friend. I just sat there quite, saying that I was tired from everything that happened at pride. My mind was spinning again. What's wrong with me?