View tracker

BIRTHDAYS. What are they for? To celebrate the day you were born? To remind you that your friends on Facebook arn't actually your real friends? Not expecting, but hoping that someone who isn't your mother will congratulate you and remember that today is YOUR day. Trying not to sound bitter is, in this case, very hard. I'm not bitter though it might seem so, I just don't see the point in birthdays. No one really cares expect your mother and you until you turn like 20, but after that point no one cares, no one wants to get older and many of your friends and acquaintances will have children of their own and therefor they will not have room for you and your birthday in their calendar.

Who hasn't been envious of those gorgeous girls on Instagram who through huge lavish parties, wear sparkly designer pieces of art, drink the finest champagne and cut slices of what appears to be the most beautiful cake in the world? We've all seen them. But honestly, I'm not even close to being jealous. As fun and amazing those Gatsby-like parties seem, it's not what I would like on my birthday (if it was celebrated at all, which I don't see the point in).

I personally don't like being in the center of attention, perhaps that's why I don't like celebrating my own birthday? Something changed inside me when I was younger, I went from loving my birthday to absolutely hating it, especially having to celebrate it, receive gifts, say thank you, look like I appreciate it and smile to all the guests and family invited, when really I just wanted to go to my room and not be in the spotlight.

It's so hard to explain but I'm sure I'm not alone. I don't have anything against the birthday itself, it's just the celebrating-part. I don't know, I'm just rambling.

Design your blog - select from dozens of ready-made templates or make your own; simply “point & click” - click here!

Likes

Comments

View tracker

In my creative writing's class my teacher told us to write, obviously. But he pointed out that what we wrote about or how we wrote it had no meaning in this particular exercise. He asked us to put all the rules away for a while, also to not think about how we wrote nor what words and phrases we used. His intention for using this method was to eliminate all the boundaries, hate and criticism we put on ourselves and our writing.

Writing for three minutes straight feels like infinity when you don't have an actually idea about what you are going to write. "I don't know what to write.", was, for me, written several times before I finally stopped thinking about what letters I was typing. Something clicked, I started writing from my heart and mind, without all of that nasty criticism I always drowned myself in. From it came a mixture of beautiful content rapped around some nonsens with an emotional twist. I had explained the natural smell after a heavy rainfall.

I realized I have, way too often, criticized my writing way before I even start typing. To be honest, I am a perfectionist, however I now know that things, either it's writing, love or anything else in our lives, doesn't have to be perfect from the start. I am my biggest critic but that will never come in the way of the things I love again.

From this one exercise in school, I have learnt things about myself, my writing and life in it self. It all needs to be fun and not taken so seriously. If it isn't fun, there's no point in doing it.

Likes

Comments

View tracker

1. Watching the sunrise. There's something special about watching the night fade away and witnessing the beginning of a new day. Everything is asleep, people and animals, thoughts and feelings. You embrace the beauty of the sun and colors of the sky, the changing in the air as it gets warmer and the feeling of hope. You feel alive and think 'This is going to be a glorious day'.

2. Watching the sunset. What ever happens you can always rely on the sunset to end your day in the most beautiful way. The sun can't change the past, but it can give you some kind of closure and a feeling of hope that tomorrow will be better.

"There's a sunrise and a sunset every day. You can choose to be there for it. You can put yourself in the way of beauty." - Cheryl Strayed

3. Going on spontaneous little adventures. It could be a walk in the woods, a small roadtrip, going to the nearest lake and throwing rocks in the water, just getting out of your house, with a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a family member or completely alone. Planing is sometimes nice, you know what you are going to do and when you are going to do it, however you usually end up just sitting around waiting, you don't enjoy the whole journey. While when one is spontaneous one is also present the whole time, enjoying every single bit of the sweet adventure.

4. Listening to music and dancing your heart out. There's nothing better than findin a song that just fits your mood, personality or vibe (or all three). This is the type of song you dance your heart out to, you know all the lyrics and you listen to it on repet until you really can't stand it anymore.

5. Writing. No matter if I'm happy or sad, had a good or bad day, feeling motivated or not, there is always something to write about. If nothing is going my way or if I simply feel lost in a situation writing is always a great way to sort through my thoughts and help me let go of unnecessary crap. If I'm not already happy then I most likely will be when I'm done.

6. Feeling inspired. Nothing is worse than not feeling inspired. Inspiration is what makes me motivated to do the things I love and makes me happy. When I'm unhappy I'm also not inspired nor motivated. Usually it helps to take a walk or a nap, then I come back home or wake up with new energy and new thoughts.


Likes

Comments

I tre år pluggade jag Samhällsvetenskapsprogrammet med inriktning samhäll för att idag, två år senare, inse att jag valde helt fel. Studenten var inte bästa dagen i mitt liv, inte ens bästa dagen hittills. Det var tre bra år, det förnekar jag inte, men nu då? Vad händer nu? Samma fråga som alla ställde för två år sedan ställer jag mig fortfarande; Vad händer efter studenten? Jag vet inte vem jag är så jag vet heller inte vad jag vill. Kanske tror jag att jag vet vem jag är och gissar mig fram till vad jag vill, men hittills har det inte fungerat. Så vad ska jag prioritera? Vad ska jag göra först? Trots att de två kommer som ett paket tvingas jag välja en. Människor går hela livet och försöker hitta sig själva, ingen stress. Kanske är en kurs på universitetet, ett extrajobb i en kiosk eller en längre resa bara distraktioner eller bitar i ett puzzel? Jag vet inte.

De senaste två åren har varit som en enda lång dag, ungefär som dagen innan sommarlovet då tiden går så outhärdligt långsamt och man bara vill springa ut med sina vänner, iklädd de finaste och obekvämaste kläderna man äger, i sommarvärmen med förväntan och glädje upp till öronen. Jag går och väntar på något som är lika bra som sommarlovet.

Gymnasiet väckte ingen passion inom mig, men det släckte ett flertal, det var på gymnasiet min kreativitet var som minst använd. Så vad fick jag ut av gymnasiet? Massor. Trots det sitter jag här vilsnare än någonsin. Det var inga dörrar som stängdes, snarare fler som öppnades, men inte hjälpte det mig för det. Det spelar ingen roll hur många dörrar som öppnas om det ändå är fel dörrar.

Om fel dörrar är det enda som finns tror jag att man antingen kan ge upp eller välja en ändå eftersom det finns en möjlighet att den leder till rätt dörr. Det svåraste är att komma till skott, vilket jag inte har gjort än så jag vet egentligen inte vad jag pratar om.


Likes

Comments